Mothers have an odd way of pressuring their children to do things they don’t want to do. You know, clean their room, floss their teeth, talk about modesty. You know, the usual stuff. My mother is the Queen of Guilt Trips. If she wasn’t so darn cute about it, I’d be angry with her and her master coercion tactics.
Mom: Bianca, have you commented back to the sweet young girl who left a question on your blog?
Me: Well, um—I wanted to say… uh, you see, the point is… no, I haven’t.
Mom: You really should, B. She was asking you about modesty. I think this is a great opportunity to share with her.
Me: She asked why I wore that black dress for my engagement pictures, mom! I don’t know how to respond without sounding like I’m mad. Or hurt. Or like I’m confessing my trespasses to the Council of Legalistic Fashionistas. I wasn’t trying to be immodest, it was the bra! And I didn’t have money and the dress was on sale and it was the right size and Matt loved it and—
Mom: Bianca! I did not raise children to shy away from the Truth. Please do me a favor and respond.
Me: But mom— but… Oh, alright!
The Queen of Guilt Trips wins again.
I—in no way, shape, or form—claim to own the corner of the market when it comes to modesty. I feel like the women who wear gray turtleneck sweaters and denim ankle skirts should talk about it, not me. But considering I work in a Christian environment and live in an urban metropolis, maybe it’s something I should address. Cautiously.
What would Jesus’ girlfriend wear? Seriously. I don’t want to be heretical, I want to be humorous. I don’t want to sacrilegious, I want to be sanguine when approaching this topic. So if Jesus’ girlfriend* and I made guidelines [not rules] about modesty, I think it would go a little something like this…
MODESTY MANIFESTO
Keep the treasure chest and the pirate’s booty covered, if you know what I’m sayin’…
Modesty is more than what you wear; it’s an attitude. Even under a burqa, your actions can prove to be immodest.
Rules about how long dresses have to be or high shirts have to be need to be tempered with the condition of the heart.
Church, as a place of holy worship, should be a place where we are most modest. Nothing should take attention away from worshipping God… especially junk in the truck!
Modesty doesn’t equal bad fashion. Stop using that as an excuse.
If your pastor, father, and brother say you look like a hoochie, change your outfit. You probably do.
Be aware of the cultural standards of modesty, but adhere to your personal convictions and spiritual intuition.
Allow grace in others who make a modesty mistake. No one is perfect.
Be a real friend and help others maintain modesty while cultivating creative, fashionable choices.
[Note: I’m using Jesus’ girlfriend as the barometer because the Amish woman in a black buggy and the nude woman on a beach in the south of France would give two DIFFERENT views on modesty.]
Amen!
Haha this is nice. Thanks for it. I agree, that modesty is something to be dealt with cautiously in discussion. I personally don’t wear floor length skirts, nor do I walk around with my “pirates booty” hanging out. Be led by what God is laying on the heart 🙂
this is such a great post! Thanks for sharing!!
p.s.
WHERE are your engagement photos?! 😀 I've been looking for them and I haven't seen them, and I would love too! 🙂
Hey Bekah,
They're right here: http://www.jasminestarblog.com/index.cfm?postID=8…
She's stunning!
Make sure to repost this in the summer. I pray we women all take a double look at ourselves before we leave our house.
I so love your sense of humor:) And love the fact that you make me break out a dictionary, haha..anyway…love your answer.
I hope Jesus approves of spandex! 😉
Great post, B.
I love you! You are so real and honest. Thank you for that post. I work in sweats, hair pulled back and no make-up all week so when the weekends roll around I want to wear that fabulous top I got on clearance at AJWright…shhhhh, don't tell anyone. I can look good without having my twins hanging out. Still, sometimes people at church look at me like I'm crazy because I do my hair, wear my boots and wear black eyeliner…on the top and bottom. LOL. I feel good about myself when I do. I look like that on weekends to go to the supermarket. Okay?! O.K. I'm at church to worship Jesus. Who said I can't look cute while doing it? LOL.
Permission to speak as a man please?
The problem with this lies not with the women. It's with our male tendency to look where we should not be looking. The very things that make something "fashionable" are often things which point to those areas. So we look. It's kind of like women looking at shoes. Guys don't do that a lot. We look elsewhere. Even when not encouraged by fashion our eyes wander. If every woman wore shoe length skirts we'd ogle at the occasionally exposed ankle.
As a Christian man I hate this. As a Christian man I just have to keep saying to myself – "Eyes, Craig – the eyes – look at the eyes – and the heart – and the soul". I'm sorry that because of our weakness that women have to feel so "regulated" concerning your fashions. Anyone who says it's not a guy problem – well I think strongly that they're wrong. It is. And I'm sorry. But believe me I work hard at making it not so much a problem.
Much respect and admiration to you for saying that.
The body of Christ can make it a threefold team effort 🙂
Some of us are more abundantly "endowed" in some areas than others and modesty just may result in that hideously drab, grey turtleneck sweater.
PS I will never wear a turtleneck sweater.
Love the post! But like Jackie, we should focus on modesty during summer. It's much to cozy and modesty while bundled up in scarves, leggings, boots, and peacoats is just too fun!
So are you saying my dooky booty shorts should be burned? Oh, yeah. Just checking 😉
Nah, you could always wear leggings underneath and try the Harajuku style. Always an option. ^_^
We also need to be understanding of cultural contexts as well. In Africa or in South American jungles, women walk around topless. But it's not considered crude or crass. We aren't to be the holy spirit… we are to be like Christ.
Bianca,
I do not think there is/was anything wrong with the black dress you wore for your engagement pictuces. It's a nice dress and you look lovely in it. I would wear something like that myself.
I don't see what the problem is/was? Do you see anything wrong with what you wore?
Do these few steps in your outfit.
I like to call it: Praise Test.
1. Raise your hands…. not just a little but raise them like when you raise them to worship the King of kings.
2. Kneel and bend over. Like you are kneeling at the throne of God. Boobs hanging out? Booty hanging out?
3. Do a few jumps. Just in case you get excited during the day. Noone wants a sneak peak. 🙂
Those are my guidelines- and they help.
When you dress modestly you're showing that you can handle the small things… even if no one notices…. God notices… and He will honor that.
Haha Love it!
Good for you for tackling a question that must have been hard to receive! Love this post by the way! 🙂
I just LOVE the way you tackle this subjects! Your sense of humor is great! I agree with your thoughts and I have to add you looked fabulous in your engagement pictures and loved both your dresses!! 😀
Due to the beautiful Scottish weather, I tend to be covered head to toe most days just to keep warm. Although the Brits do tend to struggle with modesty when the sun shines…probably because we see so little of it! I loved your dresses and sometimes wish I had the confidence (and climate) to wear dresses more often. I personally draw the line at wearing a bikini though as I feel like I might as well be in my underwear and that seems very weird to me!
Thanks for being so open to discuss this x
Hey Bianca! I am a fairly new reader and I just have to tell you, I love how REAL you are!!! It is really nice to read from someone who has such beautiful things to share with the world, but who still shows herself as a real person that one can relate to. Cheers to you, Bianca! =)
I think you looked smokin' hot in that dress and if I could have pulled it off in such a ~fierce~ fashion, I'd totally do it too.
Wait, did I miss the point of this post?? 😉
Can't lie.
Oh yay! Thanks for the link!
Those were adorable!! <3
if a christian woman dresses in a way people disapprove because “their” version of modesty is different or exagerated, is that a sin?
for example; evryting covered but fitted. someone might look and judge a girl even though she’s got it all covered up.
I do love your dresses, and I love that you addressed this topic. I particularly like Brennen Galis' tips for checking modesty 🙂
You are a beautiful lady, and in the dresses in the photographs you look stunning. I am reluctant to say otherwise, but as this is a post about being modest as Christians, I will. I found the cleavages a bit … revealing. And yes, I can see that the bra would impact that, but the dresses, both of them, really do plunge.
I have been extremely conscious about modesty ever since an experience I had in my early 20s. I was living in the Netherlands, a place where they are less concerned about modesty, and I had gone to a local swimming spot with a number of people, including a number of young men. As we arrived and looked for a place to put our things, the blokes found it terribly hard knowing where to look, as many many topless women, and even some completely naked, strolled around the lakes. They wanted to keep themselves pure, but the women made it nigh on impossible.
Ever since, and even more since marrying, I have realised how impossible it is for men to go through a day without seeing images that tempt their brains to go places that they – and we – would rather they didn't.
So that is why I really like Brennen's tips. And why I would really hesitate before wearing a dress with a low cleavage.
We don't need to show anything to be attractive. In the same way as a woman dressed in a burkha might be able to be immodest, she can also be incredibly attractive without being immodest, without showing a thing.
(Doesn't mean I don't wish I had as gorgeous figure as you, or wish I could wear a dress like that for my husband 😉 )
AHH I love this post!! Sharing it w/ all my high school girls….
Well put! I think we need frequent refreshers on this subject since designers are always pushing the envelope & we get overexposed to poor examples of modesty daily.
Now see, I'm the only one who thinks you tackled this topic fabulously (love your humor) yet thinks the dresses you wore were (while lovely) immodest (read: my version of immodest, but fair to say yours as well: "Keep the treasure chest and the pirate’s booty covered.")
I can't believe the first comment I'm leaving on your blog is THIS one…I'm totally THAT girl. But, I only just started read it, so give me time. 🙂
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