I think all of us have been there. Don’t lie, it’s true.
We’ve all had a moment where we have to show up in an environment and lead, even when we feel incapable to. Whether its at school, in a boardroom, at a prayer meeting, or in a living room, we have responsibilities that call on us to lead—even when we feel like we shouldn’t.
***
She approached with a big smile and introduced herself. I just had finished my teaching at Allume on Saturday morning and everyone was scattering off to various workshops and seminars, but she stayed. In a moment of honest vulnerability she shared her struggle with the responsibility of balancing motherhood, writing, and being the pastor’s wife she thinks she should be.
I feel like I can’t lead and be the pastor’s wife I should be until I can get this all worked out.
Here’s a secret I will share with my Internet friends: We will never have it all together. If we wait to lead until that assignment is done, those things are changed, I have lost that weight, we will never fully live in the blessings that are ours.
There are so many great leadership tools, books, and blogs about leadership, so I’m not going to get all John Maxwell on you. The perspective I bring has less to do with 5 Great Tips for Time Management or the 3 Essentials of Executive Leadership, and more to do with the iconic phrase Nike coined in the 90s: Just Do It.
With tears of frustration in her eyes, she really needed some wisdom. I wanted to give her some Seth Godin wisdom or equip her with 7 Keys, 5 Great Tips, or 3 Essentials, but I had to be honest and tell her, Look, it’s Hot Mess Leadership. We lead not because we’re perfect or have our junk together, but because we are called to. We don’t lead because we can, we lead because we are called.
I had to laugh as I spoke with my new Allume friend because the night before I taught, a friendly, good-night conversation with Matt turned into bickering about something SO stupid. It went something like:
Matt: Great to hear the conference is going well! I’m praying for you.
Me: Great thanks!
Matt: Also, did you realize you did ________?
Me: Whoa, it was a mistake. And I even asked you about it before I moved forward.
Matt: But you didn’t even consider how that would effect me and our weekend.
Me: Are we fighting? Is this a fight? I can’t do this right now! I’m teaching in the morning. You know, from the BIBLE! I can’t fight and try to be holy at the same time?!
Matt: This is not a fight. It’s a conversation and you’re flying off the handle. You need to—
Me: FLYING OFF THE HANDLE? I can’t do this right now. I just can’t! You know what this is? It’s SPIRITUAL WARFARE!
Thankfully the issue was resolved, but in that moment I heard all the lies in my head raise in volume. You shouldn’t be here. You’re a horrible person. How can you stand behind the word of God and teach others when you can’t even lead yourself.
I explained to her that even in moments when we feel like a HOT MESS, we must still show up. Gideon led his army into battle, but he wrestled with doubt and indecision. Abraham led as the patriarch of faith, yet denied his marriage covenant to Sarah out of fear. Barak led troops to battle with the Canaanites, but asked for Deborah to come with him out of a lack of trust. David led a motley crew of bandits, even though he was in exile. We don’t lead because we can, but because we are called.* Just do it!
My boss says that sometimes leadership and being used is simply because you’re still standing. Many people walk away and quit. Are you committed to showing up even when you feel you can’t, shouldn’t, or don’t want to?
Just do it.
*This is in no way an excuse to sin or license to act a fool. This is just a reminder that God uses the foolish things to confound the wise. Or as the Message version says, He uses nobodies. I’m proof of that!
Did you just call yourself a nobody? My hand would like to make a date with the back of your head. Thank you.
What I hear you say in this comment is that you LOVE ME! Right? Did I understand you correctly? 😉 When I email you my weekly prayer requests, I’m going to add that you never lose your snarkiness. 😉
Clearly. You see through the auto-correct errors like a pro.
And it seems like only a month ago you told me to lose the snark…… I knew you’d come round!
“sometimes leadership and being used is simply because you’re still standing”….wow! Ain’t that the truth! Proud to stand with you friend…and glad we don’t have to do this hot messy journey alone. Thank you for being there…for being you, and for still standing. I love you, Logan
Thanks for this reminder. We all need to be reminded of this from time to time.
I sat during your entire message at Allume when every ounce of my being wanted to just stand up and shout “amen!” Loved what you allowed God to speak through you and grateful He likes to use us “nobodies” so He can get the glory when the mess turns into miracle. So sorry I didn’t come tell you in person!
Did you overhear a call with my husband?? 😉 Seriously though….this has played out in my home before – not this weekend…but it is familiar! You were a ROCK STAR and I was so blessed by your message. I plan to write a post about it soon…but just know you are a blessing even if you feel like a hot mess!!
I loved this – it is so true and your talk at Allume was the highlight of my weekend. It’s what I needed. I came in with dry bones, but left with them alive again. *Thank you*
That whole standing, which led into the many just quit and walk away… well… I’m the quit girl lately because I can’t, don’t have the capacity or just don’t want to. You…? You make me wanna become all Katy Perry, EYE of the Tiger and beast it. Thanks for that.. and thanks for not sugar coating, faking it.
I love you and the space you give us all to see His Grace through your words and eyes.
D
I LOVED your message at Allume for so many reasons. Not in particular order but 1) because it’s so good to hear a woman preach. 2) God was high, exalted and lifted up 3) You exegeted that scripture as good as any bible scholar…maybe better. 4) We need a high view of God and you gave us one. 5) Anyone who can quote Sir Mixalot in a sermon is someone I want to be friends with.
THANK YOU.
love you girl. and what i said to you on saturday was 100 percent true. you are amazing and i’m honored to know you.
You inspired me, Bianca, with your words on Saturday morning. I can hear the dry bones rattling… and at the same time, cannot believe you chanted “I like big but’s and I don’t know why”….. wait, yes I can. Love you, girl ~ keep standing.
Loved you so much at Allume…you and your message. What truth you shared. And to realize you live so close to me…what a gift you are! My friends Ronny & Natalya Roa just went to serve at your church…enjoy them, they too are a gift! xo
As a pastor’s wife, I think the advice you gave shows the very best kind of leadership . . . authentic and humble. You rocked the stage and gave Him glory. I’m thankful I got to be in the crowd witnessing it.
LOVED this post!
Well, keep walking out that hot mess leadership thing you got goin’ on, because friend, your session spoke right to me. And your prayer afterward was beyond words. My husband ran that marathon – and FINISHED!! I am convinced that Jesus carried him across the finish line. His legs were cramping so bad, and his training probably wasn’t quite what it should have been…BUT GOD. He might never admit it, but I feel certain he called out for help. And Jesus was right there…
Thank you for your beautiful prayer.
Ahhhhh…. I’m not the only one! Every. Single. One. has happened…. I’ve learned that God isn’t usually as worried about those things as I am. I am learning to refocus my ‘Hot Messes’ as great reminders to press into his love, and power of the Holy Spirit even more!
Thanks for being honest.
🙂
AC
This is so it. If we were given what we could handle, we wouldn’t need God, would we? Wait – didn’t you say that? I’ve got to listen to your words again, and again. I need to take in that fabulous poetry and rhythm and story and then dig in to the meat that I tasted. You were the first hand recipient of my “hot mess leadership” (for which I deeply apologize again). Thank you for your grace and understanding, but thank you most of all for your conviction and followthrough from the prompting of the Spirit. Bless you! Hope our paths cross again – at a much slower pace.
I think this is my favorite.
This is so good, Bianca.
I’ve so been that hot mess!
love this! thanks.
Thank you. Needed this!