I always imagined I’d run into him at some point in life. In the theater of my mind, I would be skinny and taller and have my PhD from some ivy league university so that my words would be intellectual and elite. I’d throw my head back and casually laugh in a I-didn’t-think-I’d-ever-see-you-again laugh and go into a caustic diatribe to cut him with words in the way he cut my heart.
Bitter, party of one, your table is ready.
Ok, so it’s been years since I’ve spoken to Satan [aka my ex-boyfriend] and I always thought I’d have a grand entrance and soapbox to stand on as I used guilt, shame, and anger to rebuff him. Yes, I’m crazy, but I know I’m not the only one who’s had conversations in my head with someone who has hurt or scorned me! And we’re not alone. Since the fall of man—Cain and Abel, Jacob and Esau, Marsha and Jan, Beyonce and Solange—this has gone on.
But time is interesting; not time as an attribute, but time as a clarifier. Time passed allows space and room and grace to seep into the most callused of hearts. Time reveals our brokenness and need for redemption. Time allows the moving pieces of our life to reveal the better from the good.
The longing in the human heart for community and acceptance and love blinds us from making quality decision to separate the good from the better.
According to recent research, the human mind generally operates in scarcity mode. If there is no impending food for the next meal, gorge on what is available in the moment. If there is no water in a natural disaster, horde what’s available. If there are no people attracted to you, stay with who you’re with. But, as believers in a generous God, is this how we should act?
We are told in Exodus 6 that God is not just the God who is enough; it states that He is the God who is MORE than enough. If our God who is more than enough is loving and generous [as scripture states], should we hold on to our past with bitterness? Should we horde our wealth out of fear that one day it’ll be gone? Should we stay in or desire relationships out of fear or loneliness?
Should we grip and hold on to the good or should we live open-handed for the better? [Note: better is simply living in the fullness of what God has for us.]
Which leads me back to running into my ex-boyfriend a few weeks ago. Hand to heaven, it was something out of a novela or soap opera. The sun was shining, a gentle breeze flowed through my hair, the fake eyelashes I wear for fancy occasions were attached to my eyelids, and then it happened. I heard a voice. He called my name. It was him. He approached me and in a moment of conversation like Paul on the Damascus road, something changed.
The words I wanted to wound him with couldn’t come out. I was blind to the hurt, the pain, and the drama he caused in my life because through time God had allowed me to see that though he was a good option, he wasn’t the best option for me. I was kind. I was sincere. I was asking myself: WHO AM I RIGHT NOW?!
As we departed, I couldn’t help but think of Joel 2:25 when it talks about restoring the years the locust has eaten. God is in the business of restoring even good things that are taken from us. And who knows… the good may be replaced with the better.
So what did you say to him?!
Sarah, I was SO nice?! It was so weird but I couldn’t even be mean if I tried. We spoke about our families and what we both were doing. It wasn’t very long, but I earnestly was happy for him. God has moved in both of our lives and I’m honored to have been a witness. Crazy. I know!
BOOM – that was good stuff!
this is what I’m hoping for when I speak to my father. good.ness. and good for you, BB! 😉
Thank you for sharing, this is perfect and timely. Bless U B 🙂
Really shouldn’t refer to any human as Satan, the Bible says to speak evil of no man. I always found the best way to let go of bitterness towards someone is to look yourself in the mirror and acknowledge the wrongs you did to that person. If you can’t do that then the foot of pride has come against you.
Pretty much what happened to me only 4 days ago, except he didn’t see me, because I walked so fast in the opposite direction. But yes, so many times I have thought how I would “cut him with words”. I am patiently and sometimes not so patiently waiting for God’s better
That’s right!
I hope and pray when I run into this woman that has caused so much damage and heartache to our family I would have the same grace, love and forgiveness in my heart. Likewise, I pray that when God gives me the grace to run into my old friend Lu, she would show kindness and forgiveness towards me… A win win 🙂 With Christ, ALL things are possible!!
That was good! 🙂
I lived this story — down to the very same verse in Joel (it’s written all over my journal….) I’ve learned that God writes much better stories than I ever will…
You are a better woman than I, B (duh) – if I ran into my satan I would get run over trying to get across the street and away from him. 😀
You think that but I think you are strong than you let on to be 🙂
Bianca – that’s inspiring! Is he married now too? I ran into my ex and his pregnant wife… which stung pretty bad when I am still single and he married her less than a year after dumping me! So stories like this do bring peace.
There is HOPE! 🙂 Loved this. Thanks for sharing!
Of course there is HOPE! XO
Well,…I think a double-fist pump is in order! 🙂
B, do you mind providing the exact scripture reference for the more than enough you mention from Exodus 6? I didn’t see it in the NIV version. Thanks!
Oh my word! Sara Beth you are a bible scholar. I love this.
Ok, when Exodus 6 records God saying, “I AM” it’s a different “I AM” than we see in Exodus 3. The I am statement in chapter 6 in Hebrew is I AM = I am enough. Moses was telling God about their slavery and captivity, in verse 29 God says, “I am the Lord.” It can be translated, “I am the Lord who is enough.” Isn’t that rad?!
Sarah,
The NIV is a corrupted version of the Bible, stick with NKJV or KJV