I tell people about Jesus. If there’s one thing that I believe I’m called to do, that’s it.
Sure, I could bag groceries or organize a spreadsheet or be a taxi driver, but what really moves me is seeing people transformed by the Truth of God’s word and the life of this crazy man named, Jesus. I believe in this man so much that I’ve dedicated my life, love, and language to seeing others know him too.
When I’m invited to talk about Jesus, it’s nothing short of a MASSIVE honor that I take very seriously. So please understand that this story has less to do with me failing than it does me seeing success in a new way. Success isn’t what we do, it’s who we are when we do what we are called to do.
This past Saturday while standing on stage in a room full of thousands of people, I preached the gospel unabashedly. I was prepared; I had prayed; I practiced. It was time to equip and unleash the Truth I believe God imparted to me. That was until something happened.
When I stood the stage, I felt a tickle in the back of my throat. Nothing big, but a small annoyance. Fifteen minutes into the message, the tickle was so annoying I had to stop teaching to drink some water. Which then led into coughing. Which then led into me taking off my microphone, turning it off, coughing like a maniac, turning my microphone back on, and coughing again.
I composed myself, took another sip of water, and proceeded to speak. BUT NOTHING CAME OUT. I had coughed so hard my vocal chords decided to revolt. My internal voice said to me, “PULL IT TOGETHER, SISTER! THIS ISN’T OVER.”
- What I wanted to do: Melt through the cracks of the stage never to see another face of humanity for as long as I lived. [If you coughed so hard you had boogers come out of your nose, you would want to die too.]
- What I did: Blinked. Swallowed. Prayed. Began to speak again.
When I spoke, it was raspy and hoarse, but audible. I found my voice–distressed and raw–and pushed into high gear like it was my business. I knew exactly what was happening and I wasn’t going to give the enemy room to shut my mouth or steal my voice. I began preach with such ferocity and tenacity, ain’t nothing could’ve stopped me!
The message ended and we erupted in raucous worship, but as I walked off stage, I felt a huge wave of depression sweep over me. I felt like a massive failure. While backstage, I found a quiet space and called Matt to tell him how embarrassed I was. He assured me I was making a bigger deal than it was and to hold my head up. [Husband talk for PULL IT TOGETHER, SISTER!]
I walked into the guest room and saw my dear friend Bob Goff talking to a group of people. If you’ve never met Bob, he’s a combination of Jesus, Santa Claus, Willy Wonka, and Walt Disney. Basically, he’s MAGIC! He has this insane ability to leak Jesus, love fiercely, and speak to your heart. He wasn’t at the conference when I spoke and I was so relieved that he didn’t have to witness my hiccup. 
But before I could ask a question, Bob got on his knees in a room full of people, pinned a medal on my chest and stared straight at my face. With the biggest smile I’ve ever seen, he whispered, “Bianca, I want to give you a medal because I see the way you love people and I want to let you know that I’m proud of you! You are doing so much and you need to know that you are seen and known. I choose you, Bianca. You’re my friend.” 
I see the way you love people… I want you to know I’m proud of you… You are seen and known… I choose you…
Bob wrapped me in his arms and gave me a hug. I thanked him, but nothing could express what was in my heart. One of his famous quotes states, “I used to be afraid of failing at something that really mattered to me, but now I’m more afraid of succeeding at things that don’t matter.”
In that moment I realized that I was afraid of failing at something I loved to do, but the one thing that mattered most was that I love people well. And if we can do that, then we succeed. That reminder wasn’t just for me. Bob’s words, dare I say God’s words, are for us every single day. Whether we sit at a desk, fly a plane, rock a baby, or stand on a stage, God chooses us, knows us, sees us, is proud of us, and wants us to love extravagantly.
Love does.* It really does.
*If you haven’t read Bob’s book, I highly recommend you check it out. It’ll wreck your world.
Oh Bianca. I love this so much. And Bob? AMAZING. I want to give love like that. And receive it too. I’ve been marinating in this song by Amy Grant. Maybe it will bless you too. From one Southern CA girl to another may we remember how loved we really are. xo
http://youtu.be/OfGvXfe9LK8
You are a gem. Thank you so much 🙂
Ahhhh!! Tears as I read this mama. Wow, what a precious moment!! What the enemy intended for evil God shoo did turn around for good! What a precious, beautiful moment from the Heavenly Father. He is pleased with you beloved. Thanks for sharing a peek into Gods love.
I heard Bob Goff at Catalyst this meaning. You’re so right about him! I really would have loved to meet him. I’d love to be the kind of person who gives life-giving words to people like that.
BEAUTIFUL. And way to refuse the enemy ground. You know what’s up, woman! And you ARE seen, appreciated, known, and making a difference. I dare to say in THOUSANDS of lives every day. I sincerely hope you know this in your marrow. I, for one, have been deeply encouraged by you over and over and over. You don’t even know the half of it! You are incredible, and I’m so thankful you choose to do what you do each day rather than what would sometimes be easier. I can’t help smiling thinking about how the heart of Jesus must swell at the very thought of you.
Rock on, sister.
I have never heard you speak, but I love this story. You had the courage to press on during a difficult moment. And it’s all for the glory of God. That was so sweet what Bob did!
this is so encouraging 🙂 God bless you and your friend Bob.
“. Success isn’t what we do, it’s who we are when we do what we are called to do”
Thank you for sharing; your honesty, transparency, and gratitude are clearly evident. I’ll be ruminating on your quote about success.
blessings
layla
Thank you, Layla!
Girl, I just had a moment READING about your moment.
Waves of goose-bumps, (i.e. the Holy Spirit)
God breaks every chain, he wins EVERYTHING and he does his business through plain ol’ us.
Bob takes that charge seriously and He is made famous.
You take that charge seriously, and Christ is known.
God, keep us coughing and crying and looking people straight in the eyes for the sake of your kingdom.
Hahahhaha! You’re THEE best. Thanks for the encouragement.
can’t wait to connect with you at the Wesleyan Women Alive! gathering in Nashville (April 2015)
🙂
It’ll be awesome!
This absolutely melts my heart into a puddle. That we would all bend a knee before a brother or a sister, reach out and say, “You matter to me, and you matter to God.” I am positively smitten with this post.
God bless you in your ministry, Bianca.
Thank you, Jennifer! XO
bianca, i am so glad you knew where the attack was coming from and who was behind it, and that you persevered and God got the glory! can’t wait to hear you bring it at IF:Gathering in just a few short days!
WOOHOO! I can’t wait 🙂
Bianca, I am almost finished reading LOVE DOES and read this post because Bob Goff is written in the title, so I figured it would be LIFE GIVING.
CORRECT!
God showed UP and He showed OFF when you identified and pushed thru that which was meant to derail you and HIS message.
And Bob’s Love. Like his book says, LOVE DOES. So does Bob. And it echoes to and from Heaven when he loves like Jesus. How blessed you are and how you blessed us with your message.
Thank you.
I walked out of the gym this morning and decide to sit outside in the front to watch the sun come up because I needed a minute with God before I headed home to work, kids and everything else that comes with Monday morning. Your name came on my heart and this was the entry I first saw. I needed to hear from God. Nothing desperate but just his voice this morning. Bianca what an amazing story. I am so grateful you share your heart. That cough turned into a shared word from God! How awesome!!! I hope God gives me a cough today!!! Xo
You’re the best!
So I started doing the play with fire bible study on faithway last week and I was moved to look you up on media. As I was scrolling I found this blog and it resonated with me strongly. I’m at a place where I just don’t know where to go next and I’ve been praying about it for a couple of weeks. I would love to hear your testimony. I couldn’t find it on YouTube lol. But thank you for your writing and you teaching. God has used you in amazing ways and I’m excited to see what He will do with me too.
Thanks Erika! Great to meet you!