Women retreats were synonymous with conversations about child birthing, menopause, and floral doilies. My sisters and I would look around and roll our eyes when my mother would invite! us! every! year! She spoke about the laughter, learning, and life-changing interactions she had with women and begged us to attend with her every time the retreat came around.
As the director and creator of our church retreats, she guaranteed us there would be no doilies and promised no one would talk about menopause. But it wasn’t until she was diagnosed with brain cancer that I felt the obligation to attend. I mean, how was I suppose to deny the woman who gave me birth her ONE wish of having a daughter with her at a retreat?!
People often ask when I knew I wanted to get involved with ministry or how speaking began part of what I do. There wasn’t a Damascus road experience or anything, but I can honestly say the women’s retreat I attended in 2003 changed the course of my life. Never an ardent supporter of women’s ministry, I realized my generation of women skipped out on retreats and events because we didn’t see the value, the need, or the benefit of attending.
I wanted to change that.
March 18-20, $199
God has a funny sense of humor. The girl who would writhe in pain at the invitation to attend a women’s retreats is now speaking at them. Oh, the irony! Though I can’t guarantee a lack of doilies or menopausal conversation, I will say that there is much to be learned from women who have gone before us, who can share their struggles, and rejoice in our victories.
I share this for two reasons: 1. I want to write a piece about women’s ministry and want to know YOUR experiences [good or bad], and 2. I’ll be speaking at a women’s retreat in Southern California next weekend for Grove Community Church. If you’re in area, join us at the Double Tree Hotel at the Block at Orange for a weekend with no doilies, children, or menopausal conversations. 🙂
Openly share your experiences, suggestions, or concerns about women’s ministry. Your story matters.
Never say never. As soon as you do…it seems He thrusts you right in that general vicinity. At least that's been my experience. 🙂 He works in mysterious ways.
I wish I could go to this retreat. My first experience at a women's retreat was fresh out of high school. Coming from a house with four brothers, I loved the flowers centerpieces (not doilies lol), the sister-like encouragement, the grandmother-like advice. I was so blessed, and will forever be hooked on women's retreats:)
My experience was the same. Didn’t know the mad love I had for women until I accepted an invite out of obligation. You have ROCKED the women at or church and you are succeeding at your goal of changing those stereotypes! We need women like you. I love you, B!
I have a love/hate relationship with these things. I think they're important, but sometimes I wonder if I really am a woman–because the women seem to like things like embroidered pillowcases and flip flop notepads and fruit salad.
One year, after speaking at one, I was "paid" with a painting of two naked baby angels. Another retreat group paid me in a tiny quilt (I guess it was for hanging?).
I remind myself that everybody is different and just because I don't always connect over cross stitch, I do connect with these women powerfully when we open the word of God. And that's plenty.
Hahah! Flip flop notepads.
Amen.
I've never been on a retreat, but after living for a year on the Murrieta Bible College campus/retreat center, I have to say that almost every single retreat has been busy and full of crafts, sessions, coffee, sessions, crafts…coffee…you get the picture.
But what I don't often see is women RESTING.
I feel like some churches get so caught up in all the exciting things they could do, but forget that most of these women are mothers and wives, who rarely get time to themselves, time to sit with some sweet sisters in Christ and just relax and fellowship.
I think its great having the sessions, and doing things in big groups together, but I think the people who plan retreats need to leave a bit more room for well…retreating.
I'm thinking they should bring in masseuses. 😉 THAT would be a retreat I could get into.
I serve in ministry, so when I attend a retreat, go there to retreat! You made a great point, Millie, but there are some ladies who get such joy out of servanthood and that is their reward, that they do it with cheerful hearts for God, not for their fellow retreatees.
I hope that all ladies get joy out of servanthood! I'm not saying there shouldn't be all the crafts and sessions and things, I think that's wonderful. I just think that at some of the retreats, the women should be given a little more time to spend either alone with the Lord or in fellowship. I worked in the coffee shop at the retreat center and got to talk to a lot of women (some amazing conversations!) and a lot of them would tell me of how they loved retreats because in their normal day-to-day lives with their families and responsibilities, they had so little time to actually sit down with a friend and talk about what God was doing in their lives, or to find time to just sit with the Lord and spend quality time with Him. But some retreats would come around and the women would look stressed out more than anything. They would run around the campus from session to session and when they finally came into the coffee shop in the evening, they had been given some kind of homework type of thing to do. By the time they'd finished they were exhausted. I don't think that's how a retreat should be. Or if it is, it shouldn't be called a retreat.
Hahaha, yeah that sounds more like Bible college than a retreat!
I've noticed God bringing more women in my life to be an example to me. For me to learn from them. Not that my mom isn't wise, but more Godly counsel from righteous women is really amazing! And they're coming from quite a few stages in life (the single woman in her late 20s, the married woman in her early 30s, the mom of a friend in her 40s). Women's ministry is so important and young women should be hanging around older woman as friends, and receive that wisdom.
Oh man. When I started at a new church about 8 years ago Women's Retreats were HUGE there. All my friends were begging me to attend with them but the idea of going and rooming with a bunch of women sounded like absolute TORTURE. Up until the hour before I left with my friend on our drive to the middle of nowhere i still wasn't sure I wanted to go. There was DRAMA between two women. They STARVED us. FOR REAL. I've never been so hungry in my entire life. There was a constant line for the bathroom. It was everything bad I thought it would be. However, it was so bad it was good. 😉 Sort of like bonding during a crisis I came home from that retreat closer to those women and closer to God. Since then I've participated in many more women's retreats and even spoke during one of the breakout sessions which was one of the best experiences of my life. If you aren't GIRLY they can be tough. But ultimately tough things end up being pretty rewarding when all is said and done. 😉
Oh man. When I started at a new church about 8 years ago Women's Retreats were HUGE there. All my friends were begging me to attend with them but the idea of going and rooming with a bunch of women sounded like absolute TORTURE. Up until the hour before I left with my friend on our drive to the middle of nowhere i still wasn't sure I wanted to go. There was DRAMA between two women. They STARVED us. FOR REAL. I've never been so hungry in my entire life. There was a constant line for the bathroom. It was everything bad I thought it would be. However, it was so bad it was good. 😉 Sort of like bonding during a crisis I came home from that retreat closer to those women and closer to God. Since then I've participated in many more women's retreats and even spoke during one of the breakout sessions which was one of the best experiences of my life. If you aren't GIRLY they can be tough. But ultimately tough things end up being pretty rewarding when all is said and done. 😉
Hahahahahaha! I LOVE this story, Michelle. And I'm so glad you aren't the quintessential retreat attendee yet attend… it says a lot.
My last 3 retreats have been wonderful bonding experiences, both with the Master Blaster Himself and with the ladies I met, roomed with, and worshiped with. I unfortunately missed this last retreat with CCM because I was in Israel (AMAZING EXPERIENCE), but I did hear about The Rock retreat. Sadly for 2 ladies close to me, their roommates decided to have a Mary Kay party and the sales pitches took from their experience to 'retreat' from the world and find shelter in our Lord.
These events are getting bigger every year, but I think the focus should still be on the intimacy we seek with our Creator, not on seeing an opportunity and seizing it. =/
In the past, I've loved women's retreats. The music, the speakers, the conversations – though, I don't remember any doilies. I'm now in a small young church and I just found out that we've scheduled our 2nd women's retreat. I kind of dread it. The first was so awkward for me. No music, no outside speakers, no breakout sessions. It was more of a weekend long Bible Study, really. I suppose I was spoiled by my earlier experiences.
I don't understand why so many women in Southern California are so anti-retreats. Coming from South Florida, I've only known the love of retreats. When I moved out here I was shocked that so many people opted out of attending. Maybe there's an oversaturation in SoCal or something.
I LOVE RETREATS! I just wish they wouldn't be held during tax season so I could actually attend them! 🙂
I went once to a women retreat ,it wasn’t such a pleasant experience, I was going with some “friend” who were to this retreat before, so they were playing like high school (a 30+ women) pretending to be at summer camp.(just annoying) I was looking for something else, I was looking for peace and find myself and get to know God that day but it didn’t happened, instead after the workshop I got back to my room and listen to this people criticizing other women, why was she crying, why was she praying for, why was she pretending this and that, if I want to hear that I don’t need to pay that much of $$ to hear it , just need to go to any coffee shop and listen what people said, the sad part is that some of those ladies were part of the praying team/counselors, how in the world would I believe somebody like that , that after listen other woman problems would come and exposed them to others without thinking of the consequences that may carry.. So for me that was the first and last time I did that, I didn’t want to waste my time and $$… I am happy to hear somebody had a better experience tho.. =D
The Womens Retreats at Montebello are the best!
My favorite retreat was when my grandma died a few days before and I thought I wasn’t going to make it that year. Her service was postponed until the following week. When I came to the retreat I was so encouraged and loved by my sisters in Christ. Even though I have a huge family I felt a closer bond with the prayer team who all prayed over me and used the Holy Ghost healing ointment over my wounds. I ran into your mom B. And she said her mom and my grandma are talking in heaven about the CCM retreat. I LOVE how your mom runs the womens retreat!
That is the exact sentiment I have 🙂
The experience of a retreat can be comparable to an experience to a visit to the emergency room or urgent care. One walks in with an altered walk, self medicated internal or external wounds, bandaged cuts and great apprehension, hope, and anxiety. Some have prepaid insurance, others copayments and others of us are straight-out charity cases. Though we have different symptoms, and perhaps l have self-perceived diagnosis, we individually will have a unique examination, recommendation and follow-up instructions, if any.
One can walk into a retreat center with internal bleeding of the heart, migraine headaches of impatience and frustration or burns and bruises caused by the trauma of walking in humility and forgiveness. As we sit, some are there eagerly looking forward to “their time”, others scope out the room and register familiar and unidentified faces in wonder of “what’s going on with her/him”? Are they contagious? Better or worse off than what I’m dealing with? Are they here alone, on their own volition or accompanied by their “support group”.
Some have the spiritual equivalent to strep throat, ear infections, coughs, fevers, sprains, strains. Others have minor lacerations, though need stitches and a touch from the Great Physician. Others have a common cold, and will simply need to rest and drink in plenty of fluids. Hmmmm, anyone know where we find rest and can get living water? Then there are those like me, that require the removal of foreign bodies. (The infection of doubt, insecurity, fear, criticism and outburst of harmful words.)
Though I have showed up at church and women’s bible study, week after week, month after month, with my autographed cast of a broken appendage, somehow the vulnerability and immediacy of my need for long term healing is greatly exposed under the fluorescent lights of a room, filled with spiritual patients at the retreat center. Often times, we are unaware of the spiritual medication, outpatient therapy or hospitalization that may bring healing, treat us and ultimately make us well.
It was over the course of several retreats that I was able to be healed and share my survivors testimony of dealing with addictive substance abuse in relationships, pornography, adultery and betrayal before divorce and discovering the health plan of prayer and fellowship and phasal hormone therapy, (refreshed in the spirit) as an emotional single woman and mother.
Additionally, I unofficially joined the retreats “counseling/ therapy group” by listening to and consoling those that shared with me their secret burden of food compulsions, infidelities, rages, struggles with their children, battles of temptation with alcohol and drugs, confessions of stealing and lying at the workplace, and the sheer transparency and confession that they wanted an honorable relationship with Jesus Christ, though wanting momentary indulgences to take in that “controlled or uncontrolled substance” that would impair their circumstances and break down their spiritual immune system.
I have found that retreats, are far more significant than the common conference. They are the atmosphere in which all who are weary, impaired and disabled are mended, healed, strengthened and are increasingly receptive to preventative (spiritual) health examinations and willfully check in for spiritual, behavioral, mental, physical, social rehabilitation. Therein begins THE BORN AGAIN IDENTITY. =D
Admittedly, sometimes it is off-putting to be exposed to or exposing yourself to some unknown ailment or toxic virus. Othertimes we build up antibodies and are able to care for the critically ill. One can only hope to acuire the flesh-eating disease , go through the amputation of sin and be divinely discharged as patient recruiters, aka disciples.
Much Love!
We don't really have women's retreats in the same way, but I love the women's ministry days and times that we have hear. I love the openness and vulnerability that women have when they come together to meet with each other and God. I have been fortunate to experience some wonderful times when women have come expectant to hear and learn from God and open to share and encourage with each other. I think often we lack opportunities to learn from women who are older or younger than ourselves, to talk to women to have experienced things before us and who can teach us so much. Women's ministry often provides these opportunities.
Love that you're getting to share God's love with so many women xxx
Hi Bianca,
Ever since you have become a speaker, my intrest has increase. I love that you don’t present with any phoney soft talk. You tell it like it is!
I have a desire to become a leader in some area–?
I don’t know where to start, and I wish there was weekend classes
There's a conference coming up in Murrieta, CA on March 18th – March 20th called, When Leaders Lead. It's going to be a great conference with many workshops and great women in the Lord speaking. You can google, "When Leaders Lead 2011," and it will direct you to the site.
If you cannot attend, just pray and ask God. He wants to equip us:)
Woohoo! I'm 30 and speaking. See, change happens! 🙂
Jody, I CAN'T WAIT! Woohoo!
The retreats at CCM are theee bestest!! I’m so blessed to be allowed to join all the ladies at the retreat even though I no longer attend CCM. I guess you could say I’m a lifer *doing the CCM sign pastor taugh us) lol!
However my first experience with the women’s ministry was discouraging. This DIDN’T, did NOT happen at CCM. It was another Calvary Chapel.I was a baby christian at the time and the women at this perticular church mistreated me, and they looked down at me. Keep in mind my son’s first years of life were not pleasant to say the least. He cussed, kicked, spit, scratched and bit..He was 2yrs old. During one of Gabe’s tantrums a woman introduced herself to me as the “assistant pastor’s wife” (AS IF!) and said, “you know, you need to have better control of your child. That is no way for your son to behave at church.” Needless to say I left and NEVER went back.. Her words hurt.. but when I attended CCM it was completely different. Bianca I think it was my son that taught Sebi a few bad words when they were little.. sorry 🙁
B– I’ve never posted on your blog, but I read it about twice a week. I attend another Calvary Chapel now, but I LOVE the women’s ministry at CCM….and your women’s retreat is hands-down the BEST retreat I have ever attended. I MUST go every year or I will experience separation anxiety. The CCM women’s ministry keeps me grounded on God’s truth…..Biblical truth after a day of hearing ultra-liberal feminists rant that our 12-year old daughters need the “choice” to end a pregnancy. Do you remember that proposition a few years back? Or having to tour a baby-killing site as part of my job, and nearly vomiting as the on-site staff describes human remains as “specimes”. The CCM women’s ministry is my safe refuge from a world where “wrong” is “right” and “right” is “wrong”. It’s a place where I can openly and freely worship my Lord and Savior….where He heals the bruises and keeps my heart soft and sensitive to His voice of truth. –Anonymous for security reasons due to my line of work.
Never been to a woman's retreat. I think I would go…if you were going to be there. Or can we just go to the spa instead and talk about Jesus?
I'll be there! I'm 35 and have never been to a Women's Retreat. In 10 years at The Grove, it's time. And the timing couldn't be better. My two daughters are 11 and 13. I think a dad/daughter weekend is in order while mom goes to be refreshed with Living Water! Thanks for squeezing me in Jody!
OH. MY. WORD. Our lives are parallel. My Mom invites me to the Mother's Day lunch at her church EVERY year. EVERY year I begrudgingly attend then whine about the cheesy games, stories and music. This year I'm not only attending, but I'm speaking at this event! HAHAHA! How funny is our God?!
Hilarious! I love it.
I've had a speaking ministry for 25 years, and Women's Retreats are my FAVORITE!
I've always been sad that not more younger ladies attend. I hope that because you are the speaker, your generation are beginning to come out and realize that these retreats can be a GOOD THING.
Mama D.
Thanks pal. This has been cool hearing
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