Back spasms and hypertension swayed and convinced me to heed the advice of my sister Alexandria to attend a local Bikram Yoga spot near her house.* I had heard all the benefits of therapeutic stretching, so thanks to my sister I attended my first class last Thursday.
[And this is where my life took a turn for the worst.]
Upon walking into the studio, I was overwhelmed by the smell. Akin to underarm, a junior high boys locker room, and mold, I was jolted awake for the 5:00am class. In case you don’t know what Bikram Yoga is, let me give you a visual: it’s like being in the fourth ring of hell while body odors permeate the air and sweat runs down every pore of your body. Seriously.
The room was set to 1112 degrees and there were TWO fans at opposite sides of the room circulating at extra low. Encouraged by Alexandria, I totally felt that I looked the part. I wore my yoga outfit, carried a water bottle, and brought wee little towel to dab my face if I perspired. [Oh Lawd have mercy, what a fool I am!]
This is stuff the instructor could do?!
The instructor locked the door [or should I say trapped me in] and the class began with simple poses. Within the first five minutes I was dripping with sweat. I reached down for my bottle of water like I had crawled through the Mojave desert and as I did I heard, Fight through the thirst and do not break for water or interrupt those around you. I stopped midair and was taken aback that this woman is telling me not to drink in a 112 degree room. I gave my infamous Fool-You-Must-Be-Trippin’ face and continued stretching until our designated break.
40 minutes into hell I confessed my trespasses and failures, vowing to repent from all evil ways if God would allow me to leave my Bikram Yoga class. Somewhere in between Standing Mountain and Warrior pose, I knew something was going on. I felt it in my quads, then my head, them my heart, then my eyes.
Oh no. I’m going to faint. I’m going to pass out like an idiot in front of the entire class, I thought to myself. I wanted to tell my sister, but my tongue was stuck to my mouth and I couldn’t talk. I felt myself go weak and I knew I was going to topple over, so I squatted into a seated position and remember saying to myself, If you faint, be classy. Don’t fall doooooooowwwwwwnnnnn.
The next thing I see is the blurred face of my instructor and Alexandria. The instructor shook my jaw rigorously and said, Wake up! You fainted. What’s your name? In my head I said my name is Bianca, but what came out was something like, Muuuaaaaddd sssttattttt Icccannnca. After drinking water and coming to, the instructor told me not to leave the class and to simply let the heat cleanse out my toxins. For FORTY FIVE minutes following my fainting catastrophe, I laid out on my mat like a dog in the summer.
I’ve never been drunk or have tried drugs, but if that feeling was anything like it, I will proudly quote Nancy Reagan and just say no.
Once the class ended I stumbled to the door, grabbed my keys, empty water bottle, and drenched towel and convinced my sister I was fine. The instructor commended me for staying the full time in the class and to come back the next day. As I began to say good bye, I felt it again. Oh no, it is happening again. Before I could say another word, I passed out on the floor of the reception. The instructor said it was normal. She said this stuff happens frequently. She said all the toxins are leaving my body.
And she was right. The last five days have been marred by headaches, dry mouth, and a smoker’s cough. I’ve called my little sister several times since the incident and we both laugh hysterically while recounting the story. Just so we’re clear, I will not be going back to Bikram Yoga any time soon. As therapeutic as everyone says it is, I’ve had more therapy laughing about being trapped in the room than any Warrior pose could ever do. And if anyone says I should try it again, they’ll be getting my Fool-You-MUST-Be-Trippin’ face! 😉
*Before you get all crazy and think I’m a heretic for attending a yoga class, there was no chanting, phrases of enlightenment, or music. I did my research. It was just a room with industrial lighting and 112 degrees of heat.
I used to love yoga, but I’ve never tried it in the heat. I’m sure your body stretches better in the hot than it does in the cold, but I don’t love to sweat while stretching. I’ll sweat out the toxins running or whatever, but stretching? Not in my plans 🙂 Glad you’re ok, though!
Good idea! Let’s stick to running…
Ouch….glad you are feeling better. I certainly won’t be trying the Bikram yoga…lol – I’m sure I’d have the same experience. Now Vinyasa yoga…I love. No crazy heat with that one. Laughter is great exercise and medicine by the way. =)
I’m sorry, but this story brings joy to my heart. ; )
It seriously was hilarious. Honestly, that junk always happens to me!!!
You are too funny with your stories!!! Thanks for making me laugh!
Anyhow, my bro encouraged me to go to Bikram as well, and like you… did some research. I like your disclaimer because there will be questions. My bro said he felt amazing afterwards but has since stopped because it’s expensive.
Since your experience, I will postpone my first class so I can prep my body. (It just so happens I signed up for a month) I think, I’ma pass out like you… but have no one there with me to ID my body.
Hahahaha! Don’t get me wrong. I felt like a noodle afterwards. My back was so loose and the pain was lessened. But I don’t know if I’ll do it again.
In regards to checking out the studio, it’s always good to know what you’re walking into. Some studio and based upon Hindu foundations and chant. That’s not my cup of tea 😉
I love it! Only you could tell yourself to faint with class. lol! So sorry you didn’t feel well. 🙁 But it is a good laugh…
You are much more brave than me! I had to step out of my first BY class because I was sure I was going to faint. And it wasn’t even 112 degrees. I had won a certificate for a month of unlimited classes and my limit, I decided, was that one class. Seriously, try The Sculpt Barre where you feel like a pretty dancer…and don’t have to put up with a yucky smell – ew 😉
This. Stuff. Only. Happens. To. You… Glad you’re doing well, but next time you want toxins to leave your body, just take a nice HOT shower and be done with it..
Love you silly goose
yesss!! I’m not the only one!!! lol I know your pain + you’re definitely not alone! I, uh, never went back either. Hearing the words “Bikram” or “Yoga” whether together or not, my legs grow weak and I feel it coming on! lol
I am so sorry but I laughed so hard! HILARIOUS!!! You probably didn’t drink enough water before the class which caused the fainting. I hate Bikram but i used to love hot yoga (regular yoga done is a 105 -110 degree room). I always felt great afterwards. Then i heard something about yoga being a religion & i stopped b/c i didn’t know what the heck the words meant during the classes & why we were salutating (not a real word) the sun, etc. But this place also has hot Pilates classes so i do that instead. It definitely takes some getting used to though. The place i go to doesn’t have carpet so you don’t get the whiff of pure human funk. 😉
You know Bianca, I’m glad you wrote this post!
I’ve heard a lot about bikram yoga and have been researching gyms that offer the class but haven’t gotten around to it as of yet.
But after reading your post today, I’m seriously going to reconsider. I can’t afford to faint in the middle of a class full of strangers! It will be just me there (no one will want to attend that class with me once they learn of the intense heat that you have to endure in addition to exercising).
So yea, thanks for posting on birkam yoga! 🙂
Bianca! I laughed so hard because this happen to me once. I truly love yoga, so i don’t do Birkman, but i do Power Core Yoga. I am a marathon runner and i can’t tell you how much yoga as helped my body. I would say go again but not Birkram LOL! Don’t give me the “Fool-You-MUST-Be-Trippin’ face” 😉
bless your heart!! i tried bikram once and was like, “nope, won’t be doing that again any time soon!” so uncomfortably hot! i’m proud of you for sticking it out the entire class!
Girl you crack me up. I’ve been considering starting yoga but I may be reconsidering after reading your story. Thanks so much for sharing
Sounds intense. I’m from a small town so I doubt we even offer that here. Plus I’m prone to fainting it seems like. When I was pregnant I tended to get light headed pretty easily. I wish I could stick to running but that’s one of those things I pick up when I’m totally motivated and then lay back down when the Doritos, muskateers crisps, and Mountain Dew call me out. 🙂
You’re so sweet for letting me laugh at you my dear. You’re too much B!
Bianca, I laughed so hard picturing this scene! You’re too much. This is why I can’t take you anywhere…always making a scene!!
I have been reading a lot of your articles, and I just LOVE the way you write! You are such a passionate writer, and your undenying love of the Lord stands out so strong in your blogs. Thanks for your encouragement, and boldness in helping others pursue Christ. You have been an inspiration to me!
P.S. I took a yoga class and LOVED it, perhaps you shouldn’t try something so crazy for the first time. It really does help with your core/balance/strength and helps in all areas of fitness.