Have you ever stood knee-deep in a bad situation, yet believed good could prevail? Have you ever seen a company loosing customers, yet saw the intrinsic value that the company possessed in the community? Have you ever seen an ugly ducking that you believed would morph into a swan?
I have.
Maybe it’s my optimistic nature or my naivety or my unwavering hope in humanity, but I could look at a situation and see the value, potential, and redeeming qualities when people are proverbially adding fuel to the burning building.
Lately I’ve been involved with several conversations regarding the future of the Church and the future of women’s ministry. I’ve read the blogs and heard the gripes from both men and women, but I can’t help but see the future. A future filled with passionate, smart, educated women helping advance the gospel through more than just Bunko nights, tea parties, and CreativeMemories scrapping gatherings.
This comes on the heels of a conversation I had with my dear friend Lindsey after she attended a women’s ministry event with me. We’ve had numerous conversations about this topic, so her view isn’t new. She posted a comment on Twitter and garnished a number of legitimate responses.
Though pink table cloths and flower centerpieces still exists in older paradigm models of women’s ministry, does that take away from the power of this demographic within the church? If statistics are correct, the American Evangelical church is comprised of 61% female who are more likely to serve in ministry and more likely to tithe when compared to their male counterparts. So why all the hate?
Because something is missing.
The model for women’s ministry is very much based off the social circle founded in the conservative south. The growth of traditional women’s ministry advanced circa 1950 when young women were getting married and starting families before the age of 23. The ladies luncheons and bridge circles found in sororities and women’s clubs matriculated into the church as an alternative for those seeking community within the church.
The advance of women’s rights, liberation, and burning bras created a new woman with the choice to pursue education and a degree or pursue the option of homemaking [or both]. The social climate was changing, but the church remained stagnant, doing what they have always done to reach the same people in their homogenous culture.
Fast forward to 2012. Thankfully, most women aren’t burning their bras and most women shave their underarms. But the evolved woman within the city-center based church, no longer feels connected or in need of social circles or bridge games. The desire to partake in evangelism, leadership, and mobilization has grown to include seasoned women in their 60s, business professionals in their 50s, engaged mobilizers with resources in their 40s, passionate women in their 30s, relentless youth in their 20s, and even younger.
I’ve seen the power of women coming together for the common good and it’s beautiful. To love the broken. To feed the hungry. To believe in faith. To heal the hurting. To encourage the saints. Though the model may be slightly inept in the American church, do we throw the baby out with the bath water? Do we continue to separate ourselves from the place where we can find healing and wholeness and community?
I believe women’s ministry is an invaluable contribution to the American church if we move in the direction of:
- Recognizing different life stages. Not all women are married with preschoolers. Not all women are going through menopause. Not all women are in college. If we fail to adapt in meeting general rather than specific needs, we will continue to ostracize those outside of the 35-50, married with kids demographic.
- Recognizing different availabilities and needs. Not all women can make a Tuesday morning bible study. Not all women like to pray. Not all women like to sew. Not every calendar and need can be met, but if you are leading a women’s group in a metropolis area with a vibrant night-life, don’t be surprised if women don’t come out to the Pink Hearts and Flowers Tea Party. What are some specific needs within the women in your community? Find what the need is and pursue it with a wide-end funnel to bring in those on the outside who don’t know how to engage on the inside.
- Recognizing the church’s values and vision. Women’s ministry is sometimes like the rogue renegade who does what it wants in the guise of mobilization. Many pastor’s I’ve spoken to complain that “meeting the need of women” is more important that the meeting the vision of the church. That’s not building the church, that’s bifurcating the church. Get in line with the mission, vision, and values of where you are serving.
- Tim Schraeder, Let’s Make Peace With Women’s Ministry. One of my favorite pieces from a male perspective!
- Nicole Cottrell, Why I don’t like Women’s Ministry. Nicole’s candid perspective is common within those of us in the next generation. I appreciated her honesty and the responses garnished as well!
- Sarah Bessey, Why We Don’t Need “Women’s” Ministry. Wow. Just wow. This girl just dropped a bomb and it was good. The words stung a bit, but they stung because they were true. Though I still see the value of women’s ministry, I loved her piece. You can find her personal blog here.
For comments, stones to throw, or opinions, feel free to share. The safety belt light is off and you are now able to walk around the cabin. 😉
*I haven’t been to a knitting circle, Bunko group, or CreativeMemories women’s event, but if the urban legends really exists, I’m sorry if you’ve ever had to attend something like that.
As a passionate (and disillusioned) 30-something I have to say I really appreciate this post. I have been in Mops groups, to ladies retreats, served in a ton of roles, and yes… been to Bunko night.
However for about 5 years I have been living in an increasing tension within the church. I have finally come to the place where I’ve left the “mega-church” model and am going to a 100 person community church that is less concerned with “serving the saved” with teas, crafts and luncheons and more concerned with living out the hard things of the Bible like adoption, foster care and reaching out into our community to serve (outside the walls of the church).
I found that when I stopped trying to “get my needs met” and started “meeting the needs of others” (not my fellow church goers but those out in the community, in my social groups, poor, abused, etc) there was a huge heart shift.
I recently visited my old church with some girlfriends who wanted to go to their “Women’s Event” and I have never felt so uncomfortable in my life. I have realized how much the church has strayed from serving others to catering to those sitting in the pews. Please know that I say these things not to beat up on those leading within the church but to simply make my experience a part of the conversation. I have many friends who are feeling the same sorts of tensions.
In fact, we have a Skype book club coming up to discuss Jen Hatmaker’s book “7” which will include women in their 30’s & 40’s from Canada, Washington State, California, & Minnesota. That is my new version of Women’s Ministry. Real conversations about living out biblical Christianity and how truly difficult it is. 🙂
Wow, Michelle! I’m so happy for you. This is amazing progress. I appreciate your view and experiences because they are invaluable to the conversation that needs to take place as demographics and paradigms shift.
I hope your small group gathering goes well! Keep me posted 🙂
Wow Michelle, I love the sound of a Skype group! I live overseas and have friends in several different countries, but call quality is often a factor… wonder if I should give a group call another go. 🙂
DO IT! If Michelle can find her way and still believe, she’s now the honorary leader for all online groups 😉
I love this post! I have gone to women’s events (Tuesday night dinners) at my church for a while and I always walk away with the ache that something is missing. My friends desperately want me to go on the women’s weekend get away and I just don’t want to go. It is in a beautiful place but, that is not enough for me to spend the money or time to attend an event that I would not feel comfortable at.
I wish I knew some answers in how to go about being the change but at the moment I don’t have any. I continually pray and try to stay as active as possible without becoming cynical or depressed that my stage of life is not being targeted by the women’s ministry in my church.This post is giving me some things to consider! 🙂
Awesome. So happy to hear your honest perspective! I hope you walk boldly in your convictions 🙂
Wow. This convicted me to the point of tears. This was timely for me beyond what I could explain…almost seems as if it was Providential. 🙂 Thank you!
Cool! That’s awesome 🙂 Providential was TOTALLY my goal 😉
I read the title of your post and a thousand questions rushed throug my head. Then I continued to read it in it’s entirety and lastly Sarah Bessie’s post. You speak of taking action and she outlined the need so specifically. We need to keep it real and be a true body of christ. The world can give us all the things that wont give us an eternal prespective there is too much of that already. His body should teach us, encourage us, support us and fill us up. Alot of us aren’t married with a God loving Husband. We are a one headed household that juggles a new found faith and kids who feels sometimes their chances are better out in the world than in the congregation.
Totally.
Thanks for the shout-out, Bianca. Very honoured! You really capture a lot of my own passion for women here – particularly, as you said, the tremendous force of women united and walking in love. It’s an incredible thing to witness and be a part of!
No way, Sarah! You rocked it out. I loved reading your post and I found it by accident this morning while researching this topic. You hit it out of the park!
Canada, eh? 😉
I personally resented woman’s ministry for the longest. Growing up it seemed there was not much to look forward to, but serve in the nursery or food talents… I found myself grown and very sad at the mold that still was. I know now I wasn’t crazy for believing too, that woman could be “passionate, smart, educated, woman helping to advance the Gospel through more…” After 20 years I left that home.
I now call CCM my home. I was and still am completely blown away by the caliber of women found there, the carnival of ministries available to serve in and the actual woman’s ministry presence that is ever advancing. It truly is invigorating and I thank God for the privilege of seeing such woman in action.
This is kinda what I was trying to tell you the last day of your “Marked by Love” series. To see a young woman like yourself using her beauty & intellect for the Lord was remarkable and astounding, as I had never seen that before. Instead I just told you Thank you for being great and cried… I hope you don’t remember that!
Anyhow, I am so thankful for who you are and the impact you continually make on woman everywhere.
Better said, the impact you make on humanity everywhere you go. Blessings!
Ruby, you are too sweet. I remember talking to you but I don’t remember you crying! See, God is good 😉 Hahahahaha! Yes, we are truly blessed at CCM to have wonderful leadership with mom, Donna, Cynthia, and the slew of other women who lead the way. We’re blessed!
Hope to see you on June 1-2 🙂
Bianca–thank you for being you and communicating so clearly & articulately how I feel about women’s ministry. I am like you that I can’t help but see the good & “unwavering hope in humanity,” where I don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater mentality. This is certainly true within women’s ministry.
After attending my church body’s women ministry event a month ago, I went away thinking, “Something didn’t quite feel right, but everything they were doing was good–it just didn’t fit.” So, your words here helped clarify my heart & mind more on this arena. thanks a bunch.
Kamille
One of the common themes that comes up in the Women in Ministry Series that I host on my blog is that some women find joy in women’s ministry and other women feel called to minister more broadly and see “women’s ministry” as a limitation of their God-given calling for a wider ministry in the church.
My church does a wonderful job with Women’s Ministry. We have women from ages 18 to 40 involved and the ministry is very vibrant and diverse and everyone is given a chance go grow into their full potential and use their spiritual gifts for God. I love it! 🙂 Never heard that women didn’t like women’s ministry, until now…
I have been at my church for 6 1/2 years. For the first 3 1/2 years, my church did not have any women’s ministry. They had one years ago but it eventually stopped for whatever reason. They are just finishing their 3rd year of a weekly women’s meeting but it meets on Tuesday mornings. It is geared more toward the stay at home moms and women who are retired. For me and some of the other women in my church who work and are in the 20-30 something age group who are single or married and work, it doesn’t work. Knowing that it is important to foster those relationships with our sisters-in-Christ, we have decided that we would begin to meet on a monthly basis when the men in our church meet. For those who are married, it is convenient because we meet at a house near our church while the men are meeting at the church.
I come from a place where I didn’t have many {good} relationships with women before meeting the women in my life today so women’s ministry is important to me regardless of how it looks on the outside because I {still} need to work on my trust of relationships with women. Don’t get me wrong – I love the women in my life but we are human and sometimes we hurt each other.
I can remember being in my 20s and starting in ministry. Our leadership’s goal was to fit me into a ‘suit’ real fast (smile). I wasn’t into Tea parties, not into speaking, not into MOPS, not into long skirts, etc. They were left frustrated…
Now, I LEAD women! Everyone else is long hair-I have short hair, my wardrobe is comprised of Mod & Nerdy Chic & I use my machete when teaching about Ephesians 6:17(a little tribal, I know). Grateful for the training, but grateful that the era of that kind of women’s ministry has closed. Grateful to say we have colorful women carving the way for women like me:) And, by the way, we don’t have a women’s ministry(that might change too)…smile!
Hi Bianca:
Thanks so much for raising important issues re: women’s ministry. When I read these kinds of posts, I get it, but with sadness. For me, the women of the church were the ones who drew me in, loved on me, lifted me into leadership and listened to my ideas. In decades of involvement, there have probably been two or three events that I wish hadn’t existed, but most of my experience has been life-giving, engaging and powerful. But now it is definitely a new day, and women must turn outward and engage with issues and needs around us. In our church, we address domestic violence and sexual abuse, human trafficking and more, but I continue to believe that women will always need to connect. It just looks different from generation to generation. Thanks for the post.
Thanks for this post Bianca! I especially appreciate your point about “Recognizing different life stages.” I’ve seen so much women’s ministry that is solely from the perspective of being a Christian wife or mom or homemaker. How about simply coming from the perspective of being a Christian woman? : ) Not all women are wives, mothers or homemakers. But we are women! Furthermore, as Christian women our identity should be in Christ, not in our role or life stage. I have so many concerns with women’s ministry and unfortunately I’ve been a “hater”. As an atypical woman who has never quite fit in the box, I have often felt ostracized. – I’ve linked to your post. Thanks!
Great post! Thanks for sharing your thoughts. As a young Pastor’s wife (of a 2 year old church), I am frequently presented with “great ideas” for our Women’s Ministry (shopping trips, book clubs, fashion shows, etc.). Although I am somewhat of a “girly girl,” those types of activities are not where my heart is (nor do I believe they are God’s vision for Women’s Ministry).. I like to help women get to the root of their pain and camouflaged dysfunction so they can begin to heal, grow and help others. There’s nothting wrong with an occasional get-together or “girly” activity, but if lives arene’t being changed, what’s the use? Time out for church as usual where the members look good on the outside but they’re tore up on the inside. This blog brings attention to a critical point: Women’s Ministry IS invaluable to the Church. Your post is a perfect reminder for us to carry out God’s vision as we minister to women, and not just create another spiritual social club. I certainly don’t have it all figured out, but I’m glad to see that I’m not alone and I’m at least headed in the right direction. Thank you!
Women are busy. We need connection and friendship, but our time is valuable. Women’s events often left me feeling like I had to leave my brain or my problems at the door and pick them back up on my way out. I too have been blessed by some amazing Bible Study groups, and Christ centered recovery meetings. If Im going to take time to attend an event–I want to have an encounter with God. I want to be challenged–inspired. I don’t want to play games or have to pretend everything is okay. I want to connect by sharing struggles and victories. I have been in groups that have been life changing and others that made me want to cry because I knew I had just lost 3 hours of my life that I will never get back. Im leading a small group, and really asking God to show me what they need each week. Our God is creative and He can show us ways to connect and inspire all at the same time. We can come together to laugh, cry and celebrate all that He is doing–in the good times and bad! Thanks for the post. Really challenging me to continually seek God for better ways to reach women–both in and out of our holy huddles! 🙂
Great response, Cindy!
I am preparing to launch a new ministry for women within our body. I needed a break from my notes and decided to see what ‘others’ were saying about Women’s Ministries. Yours has kept my attention and I love the responses. They resonate with my new path.
I am ‘old’ in the number of years that I have lived. Young in my desire to run away from the Christian Country Club that many of us were drawn into. We were to be very afraid of the world that might pull us away from the Lord. We were given as stated in your blog, teas, ‘circles of some focus’ encouraged to make hospitality our major gift (I say that carefully for that is my spiritual gifting.) and retreats. Many of us have and do this as part of our evangelical dna, while the world is not seeing us live out our faith, and rarely hear our stories of God’s redemption and love in our lives.
I must say that I am delighted to start to work with ‘young’ women. Single, married, corporate execs, mom’s and yes even young widows, to help shape a world view of being a follower of Jesus. I desire for these younger women to ‘ditch’ the programs and be real live followers of Jesus in a world that needs their message. No more teas unless they are inviting their neighbors who do not know Jesus. No more retreats unless it is to retreat to pray and seek The Lord’s face individually and then with those who may ‘retreat’ with them. No more ‘bunco’ unless (again) it is to engage your unsaved friends and let them into your lives. No more Jesus Jazercise, go the health club and meet people who need Jesus. 🙂
Thank you for your blog. May God bless your ministry.