He would shout from the stands when no one else would. Screaming and coaching like he was the team manager. Play like the Germans, he would say, Good-en-Tight! His accent was thick and identifiable over any other fathers who politely cheered for their daughters on the soccer field.
I remember squirming when he would whistle like a maniac as the ball entered the net or I had a good pass to center forward. That was my dad; loud, passionate, and wholly embarrassing.
One day after my varsity soccer game my junior year, a ripe and caustic retort spewed from my lips after a bitter loss to our rival team. I hate when you scream and yell! It’s so embarrassing! Why can’t you be like other fathers and just watch the game like a normal person?!
I saw the hurt in his eyes. The father he never had but always envisioned would cheer for his children and whistle and yell and shout, Play Good-en-Tight like zie Germans! He solemnly said he wouldn’t embarrass me anymore and promised to act like the other fathers who politely sat in the bleachers and watched their daughters on the soccer field.
I will never forget that day.
I was embarrassed, but more than anything I was sad that I hurt the person who loved me the most and proudly cheered on his daughter was now the man I was muzzling out of shame. He embarrassed me… and I let him know.
Last night the man who cheered for his daughter and yelled by the sidelines, sat in Mariners Chapel after traveling over 20,000 miles from Israel, endured jet lag, and drove to Orange County by himself to sit on the sidelines and politely support his flesh and blood like the father he never had but always envisioned.
I saw a bald head and brown arms raised during worship and I recognized it was my father. I slowly made my way to my dad’s side and linked my arm in his. He smiled and whispered, Surprise. What I wanted to say was, Thank you for cheering for me! Thank you for supporting me! Thank you for being here and thank you for encouraging me to preach like zie Germans: Good-en-Tight!
But I couldn’t. The sentiment wouldn’t come out without tears; I swallowed the words and squeezed his arm tighter. As I stood before a body of Christ followers to dispense the gospel, I wanted to hear him scream and yell and whistle like he did many years ago. As I scanned the audience when the study began, I saw my dad and his large eyes beaming with pride. The eyes I hurt so many years ago were full of joy and excitement and happiness as his flesh and blood spoke about salt and light.
I will never forget that day.
Daddy, I just want to tell you that I’m sorry for saying that you embarrassed me. I wanted you to be something you were not during a time when you wanted me to be who I was. Last night I stood before my brothers and sisters in Christ knowing not only who I was, but who God has called me to be, and I knew it was because of your support, love, and encouragement. Thank you for cheering me on. Keep yelling for me to Play like zie Germans: Good-en-Tight! I need to know you aren’t like the other dads who politely watch their daughters, but instead, push them to be all that God has called them to be.
Whistling, yelling, and cheering,
B
really beautiful, i remember my father yelling from the sidelines, go get em keren ann garbage can! that was my nick name from my dad who also named me keren after job’s 3rd daughter who i was number 3 out of 7. we all have a wacky nick name from our dad and it makes it all the more special. thanks for being such a great testimony!
In tears. Love you, love my pastor, love the Church.
Beautiful! This brought tears to my eyes.
I can’t read your posts at work anymore. Too many good tears. 🙂 Love, love, love this…
My new favorite post! Love.
Omg why the heck am I balling like a baby! Love you guys
So glad you had the opportunity to see and say that to your pops. Your parents are pretty awesome… and so are you. You’re making me wonder if I have anything to say to my parents. I love them so much. .. but man I was an idiot when I was younger. Anyway, thanks for sharing such an intimate feeling/memory.
Totally brought me to tears. I never experienced a father like this one. But my mom has always been there cheering me on and I too have been embarrassed at times and told her not to be so present or this or that. I have hurt her because of embarrassment. This has been the hardest year of my life and she has been there silently cheering me on. She never stopped routing for me. Mom I’m sorry and I love you for always being my number 1 supporter!!! Thank you for sharing this Bianca. I love the relationship your father and you have and the love he has for all of you. You both have definitely taught me so much in the past year that I started following you both. Thank you both for what you do especially sharing the Lord with us and showing us how great His love is.
You sure know how to pull the heart strings and make everyone cry. But they are tears of joy my beautiful sista soldier!
I cried while reading your post! Love you and your daddy!
beautiful. well said. as a child of immigrant parents, this brought tears to my eyes because I understand both the shame of wanting our folks to be like everyone else’s parents…..and now oh-so grateful that they were not! Blessings!
So beautiful….This made my heart smile and my eyes cry salt. hahahaha –
so touching…in tears. Thanks for sharing your heart.
So precious and wonderfully written. Thank you for sharing and for realizing the blessing of an earthly father you have. Beautiful.
Loved this!