I’ve been married for two years, six months, and 11 days to my husband… and his two kids.

Oh yes, not only did I win a great looking man with blue eyes and a heart of Jesus, I won a wryly son and dramatic daughter who live with us 50% of our life. Contrary to criticism from many people about the horrors of step-children, I haven’t been kicked, slapped, or called Cruella DeVil, and they haven’t been injured, scarred, or died on my watch, so I would call this success!

However, no matter how great things are for our newly blended family, there were certain things no one warned me about prior to instant-parenthood. I know I’m not alone considering the landscape of American families are quilted with step-parents, half-siblings, and blended marriages, so I made a short list of things people don’t tell new step-parents.  It’s short and sweet, so feel free to add to the list or let me know what I’m missing!

• You’re selfish. No matter how much money you give to your local homeless man or your friend’s Kickstart plan for underwater basket weaving, you’re selfish. You think you’re benevolent, but when forced to share the coveted primetime television slots with a doting four year-old, you realize your reality television shows are no longer cued for your pleasure. My Little Pony and Veggie Tales will always trump your TiVo trash.
• You’re never too old to learn. It’s taken two children to teach me the most important times of the day are hello hugs, goodbye kisses, and prayers before bedtime.
• You’re probably taking yourself too seriously. When was the last time you danced in grocery market or jumped in a puddle of rain? It takes 7 major muscle groups to display a worried or angry face, but only 3 to smile. My logic is that I’d rather smile to avoid premature wrinkles and dance in the grocery market to burn additional calories. Yes, I learned this from my six year old step-son.
• You’re an example of Christ in their life. There’s no denying this. Theology may be hard for children to understand, but when you legally or emotionally adopt a child into your life when you don’t have to, it’s a physical example of Christ loving us and giving Himself for us.
• You’re capable of more. No matter how much life changes as you become an instant step-parent, there’s always room for more change, growth, and love. Always. No matter how trite your role as pseudo parent can be, there’s room for displaying an agape love, an unconditional love, a Christ-like love for His creations given into your care.

I may not be a bio-mom, but I’m mothering to the best of my ability with the task before me. I can’t speak for all stepparents, but I will say that this is not a job for the faint of heart. For my comrades and compadres, don’t give up. One day the kids will grow up and realize that you love them and gave up a part of yourself for them.

In the meantime, let go of your Bravo shows, give more hugs, and love like Christ. The greatest mission field begins in the home.