I rattled off the list of things needed to be done in the next four weeks and I laughed. I chuckled out loud because my Life’s To-Do list really does look impossible. But I know this has to get done. And I know all of this will get done.
When talking about this with my friend, she asked if I would have time to do it meet the deadlines. I told her I didn’t. She told me I was crazy. And then asked if I was sane.
Sanity always comes with a level of security. But what if that security isn’t there? What if you can’t see down the road?
I’ve decided to walk forward, backwards. People have always told me to look forward, keep my eye on the prize, see the light at the end of the tunnel. But there are times when looking forward freezes me with fear, the prize is not something to be won but to be endured, and the light at the end of the tunnel is non-existent.
I explained that in this season, I’m walking backwards. If I look at the future, I’d probably give up. I believe God can do something awesome in my life, but I sometimes doubt He will.
When doubt creeps in and failure seems eminent, I can turn around and see that God has never let me down. He’s provided a home, food, family, education, kids, jobs, money, and health even in seasons when it was non-existent, when the future looked empty, when light at the end of the tunnel only showed a new approaching tunnel.
When I walk backwards, I see God not only has do the impossible, but will continue do the impossible. Walk backwards. You’ll get there.
I love this post. I. GET. YOU. In the middle of trouble, anxiety finds a way to ALWAYS creep in even though the Bible tells us 9348759347593 TIMES it has no place in our lives! Haha. It's crazy how even with doubt God is SO faithful. I stand in amazement every time. I think still being amazed at everything God does for us is SO important because it causes us to loosen the grip on our life a little more each time. I love your posts. It inspires me to continue to make God the center of my posts even with culture battling against us. The meek shall inherit the earth.
All my love,
Francesca
This made me think of my friend Epi Garcia. During a time of doubt and uncertainty, he said "Cindy, when was the last time that God let you down? His faithfulness in your past demands that you trust Him with your future." Thanks for the reminder.
Perfect! One thing at a time Bianca-He will give you strength (and sanity) to get it done. And if He doesn't provide the time, then it wasn't supposed to get done. Hang in there!
i needed to hear this today. Thank you friend.
You and your sister both, on the same day, posted JUST what I needed. Bianca, thank you! Thank you for these words. You're sooo right. God will continue to do the impossible in our lives. Isn't that what He's done all long!? Doubt is such a waste of time. God help us.
I love this phrase "walking backwards" because then we can continually see how He has provided every step of the way before as well! FYI, I REALLY wanted the 31 bits neck;ace and I met with a pastor Tues about opportunities in Uganda to get involved philanthropically. I came to my office yesterday and my co-worker gave me a gift from the Pastor, and YEP, it was a necklace!! JUST. LIKE. YOURS!!! Hahaha! I was super happy and in awe that a big huge God would stop and do something so small for me…. 🙂
What a great reminder to remember what He has done for us! Not only to look back at our own life, but the lives of others as well. I often catch myself waiting for the next great thing to happen in my life, but so many amazing things have already happened.
Beautiful.
(Sorry – this will be long, so I'll have to break it up into several comments since it won't allow longer ones, but I think it might be encouraging to some who are going through a difficult time …)
I've been living this whole "walking backward" thing for the past two months. The short(er) version:
On Feb. 25, my husband was laid off from his job at a non-profit (that we moved across the entire country for less than 3 years ago) … he was our only income (I stay home w/ our 3 kiddos), and his org. did not pay into unemployment, so we had exactly 8 weeks of severance pay and insurance coverage … and then NOTHING.
Scary doesn't even BEGIN to describe it. If God didn't do something H-U-G-E, we were looking at having to put our house up for sale … with nowhere to go (besides back across the country … to live w/ family). :/
When I first learned of the layoffs, the verse God brought to my mind IMMEDIATELY was Exodus 14:13-14: "But Moses told the people,'Don't be afraid. Just stand still and watch the Lord rescue you today. The Egyptians you see today will never be seen again. The Lord Himself will fight for you. Just stay calm."
When anxiety would swell again … when worry was so real it was physical … I would read this verse over and over … Just STAND STILL and WATCH THE LORD RESCUE YOU TODAY … just STAY CALM. Wow.
Another verse that was placed on my heart was Deuteronomy 4:9: "But watch out! Be careful never to forget what you yourself have seen. Do not let these memories escape from your mind as long as you live! And be sure to pass them on to your children and grandchildren."
It's walking backwards! 🙂 And it's what I needed to do to get through this time of overwhelming unknowns. I needed to LOOK BACK at what God HAS ALREADY DONE in my life. To REMEMBER how many times He has blessed me, hung on to me, carried me, provided for me … to REMEMBER how faithful and trustworthy He has ALWAYS been.
When looking forward was so overwhelming I felt like I was being crushed, when looking forward into so many unknowns was too much, I LOOKED BACKWARD and stood on the things I KNEW to be true about God.
Each day of this journey, I have started with what I *DO* know to be true and real about God, and would declare these things out loud to remind myself:
God, I believe that you are GOOD.
I know your plans for me are GOOD.
I know that you are FAITHFUL.
I know that I can TRUST you.
I know that you will NEVER leave me or forsake me.
I know that you HEAR MY CRY.
I know that you will PROVIDE all that I need.
I know that you are my STRENGTH.
I know that you LOVE ME more than anyone could.
I walked backward for 7 weeks … wanna know what God did? MIRACLES.
I was just offered a full-time job using my gifts and passions at a local church that not only REPLACES the salary we lost, but EXCEEDS it (!). And in case you've ever doubted God's timing … the severance pay and insurance coverage we got from my husband's former job ends on May 1 … I start this job on May 2. Mind boggling.
We had been praying for a way for my husband to begin working on his PhD … now he can. He has been desiring to have more time to spend working for a non-profit we support … now he can. We prayed for God to provide a situation that didn't require us to us to put our 3 kids in daycare … and we don't have to.
I could go on and on about the DETAILED prayers that were answered PERFECTLY.
When it got too dark, I walked backward … suddenly, walking forward isn't so scary. 🙂
I love it! Karen and I were just talking about how it's a totally weird place when your fear of failure switches to your fear of success. Thanks for the reminder of where to keep my focus.
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