Just yesterday I was excited about my healthy food choices, my workout regime, and a developing contentment with my body. Oppomistic in myself and the woman God made me, I walked with a gait of healthy and content woman into my doctors appointment, but left like the broken 11 year-old I once was.
“Instead of giving ourselves reasons why we can’t, let’s give ourselves reasons why we can.”
She was trying to help and I appreciate that, but it destroyed me. Friends, it was like I got punched in the stomach… a fat, blubbering stomach. In one striking sentence, You’re overweight, my entire self-worth crumbled like a house of cards. She pulled out the chart to show me where I was and put a black, felt-tipped X in the place where I should be.
And then I got in my car and cried.
In the safety of my home, Matt picked me up, wrapped his arms around me and said, You’re doing great! You’ve been eating so healthy and you don’t look overweight to me. [Did you notice I said he put his arms around me? I wanted to point that out.]
I know this is twisted and warped, but in an odd [very odd] way, Matt became a little piece of God to me. Wait, wait, let me explain before you stone me as a heretic!
We have so many rules of how we are to act, when we are to move, what we are to be. The chart of moral law is a grid that shows us where we are versus the black, felt-tipped X as to where we should be. But that’s GRACE. That’s God.
When we are broken with the realization of where we are versus where we should be, God swoops us up and assures us that we are not where we should be, but He loves us the same. The doctor was right… I did need to be careful about my weight. But all I can do is trust that I’m doing my best and God will take care of the rest.
That, or either cause me to grow four inches so my weight matches my height. Hmmm, I’ve always wanted to be 5’7… 😉
What a good revelation… grace.
Been really meditating on the first chapter of John, …"with Moses came the law, but with Jesus came GRACE and truth!" Grace brings about a new truth, not one tied to legalism, but a truth bound in the love of the One who bore our shame and imperfections so that we could be set FREE!
You are beautiful, and, more than that, you've been redeemed by a gracious Father! xo
I'm really praying that you (all of us) believe what you have written. We do our best, and God takes care of the rest. Pshhh! You work out! That is more than A LOT of people. Nevertheless, it is what God thinks about you that matters the most!
You are not a heretic for seeing God in your husband. God lives in all of our hearts and your hubby is a good man. God knew you needed an actual hug, and he came to you through your husband to give it to you.
<3
Thank you!!!
2010 has been a remarkable year of rediscovering God's grace. This post is a lovely reminder.
I’m sorry you went through that. I can tell you that you’re not fat but would you believe it? You are gorgeous!
Continue to do your best. God is not focused on your weight, He cares about your soul and life. When in doubt just cry out to Him.
Love you sis
I had an alarming response from a PA; that I was “morbidly obese!” My first thought was, “he’s not even a doctor! He’s an assitant!” He kept insisting I submit to a “sleep apnia” test…psh…My blood pressure was perfect 118/70. He kept telling me, that’s impossible! I’m you’re age and mine is higher! You have to be on some sort of medication! The truth was, yes, I was over weight, but I excercised regularly, consumed herbalife products and PRAYED constantly!! Huh…the nerve…
i REALLY needed this today…you were my little piece of God today:)
I read that tweet yesterday. I could see then how it could slice clean through. I wanted to respond but felt it wasn’t my place. But you allow me to have a place here – thank you for YOUR grace.
BTW, as one man to another – fist bump and bro hug for Matt. Nice job. That’s the way you do it!
And you have it so right. The “black felt tip pen” of God is the most demanding of all – but it’s accompanied by that Grace that you show, and write about so well.
And just so you know, I never picked up a stone. God Bless you and yours Bianca. It’s always a blessing to read you.
When I was in college… as an active PE major… I registered as obese on that scale. Not overweight. Obese. And I wasn’t. I know how that feels. It is hard to get past the paper. But its someone who decided what everyone should be measured by. A person decided it. just like people it is imperfect. You are beautiful! And keep being healthy. Taking care of yourself is more important than the number on the scale. And if u are trying to lose weight… try measuring by the way a certain pair of pants fits… its more accurate 🙂 love you
My husband is Jesus to me every day. Well said. 🙂
From one stranger to another: You Are Amazing! That is all. Have a great week!!
giiiiiiirl i feel ya. im 5'1 and 140lbs and i have high cholesterol (just found out last october) and i NEED to lower it down so i dont have to drink meds…
i've learned that even if i do pray, i must make the proper choices everyday. i fail, almost everyday…and i have yet to find the heart to exercise daily (always using the excuse that im a single mama and im tired)…. but i know that i need to take better care of this temple. though i dont have a husband that encourages me…i have my son's smile…and that is pushing me to make me want to live a healthy, long life. (i typed this after i ate 2 portos cheese rolls)…. UGH.
My hubby is 6'4", weighs about 205. He's considered "obese" by that stupid little black felt tip pen's X. Doh!
Grace is also about knowing that we are all different, God made us that way and He doesn't expect us to all fit into the same box. He's got specific things for each of us to learn, to know and to be — no chart can represent what or who we are. BB, all that matters is that you're healthy, you're happy with how you look and feel and that Matt does too.
The End. ;0)
Bianca, listen – I am not a doctor, but I know that we can't always be measured (and cut) by the two numbers – height and weight!! I am 5.5 and was always! considered underweight based on formula (and it is embarasing and allarming). but my frame is small, my bones are thin and light, my metabolism is crazy-fast and it is never considered in the formula! I have a friend – broad shoulders, thick bones, stalky, curvy body type, "dense" muscles. She is beautiful but will never "hit" the formula either, even if she will starve herself… Did the doctor measured the proportion of fat mass to the muscle mass or did she go only by what the scales show? Stupid charts! Who ever invented them? Who decided what norm is? Was it proven? You exercise so much- you know that worked out, toned, properly hydrated(!!) healthy muscles weigh much more than fat, don't you?
What I am trying to say – you look absolutely stunning, healthy, glowing.
Look at the other cultures and what is considered healthy and beautiful there (India, middle east, your own background) and do a twirl with a twinkle in your eyes for Matt.
I’m trying to reconcile this with the stunningly gorgeous and fit woman I met at Catalyst. You are lovely and it sounds like you have a great man.
I pray that you see yourself through the eyes of our Savior Jesus Christ. I’m like Patricia, skinny and will never weigh over 115 and would you believe a “doctor” told me I was getting fat?!? I WAS PREGNANT AND HE WANTED TO PUT ME ON A DIET!!!
Sweet sweet Bianca, do not measure your self worth by these foolish people who created the grid on what “fat” is… You are far more valuable to God and in the end we will not care about finishing the race skinny… just finishing..
YOU NEED TO CHANGE DOCTORS!!!
talk about satan wanting to rob you of your joy! sheesh!! Keep on dancing with your husband…
Bianca I agree that we don't think you are heretic because you saw a little piece of God on Matt, because that's the way it's supposed to be, Matt is an extension of God's love to you!! I'm actually happy that he is that to you a great supporter and husband 🙂 And also for the record I think you are BEAUTIFUL!! God will help you through this, remember to do all you routine in His Strength and rely on Him for every part it. Thank you for remembering God's grace through your moment of brokenness. xoxoxo!!
whenever i see your tweets about exercising i always feel your pain! keep pushing girl! i am always praying when i run. usually it's something like "Lord, please help me not fall off this treadmill!" 😉 haha. God bless.
I love you. That is all.
I sooooo wish you realized you are beautiful just the way you are! You're doing your best so let God do the rest! I know that's so much easier said than done, but since you are a woman of the word, you know that it is written that you are beautifully and wonderfully made!!! =) xoxo
There is something I must add, although Jesus loves us unconditionally, we do need to maintain our health by making wise choices. The best thing to do is always choose home cooked meals. Try to avoid fried food. Stick to the natural, by drinking 1/2 your body weight in ounces of water. Try to avoid too many sweets, watch out for stuff that contains ‘hydrogynzed’ in the label. Continue your workout, take a good mutivitamin, be sure you digest all that you ingest. So add plenty of fiber.
It would be SO cool if a good weightloss/boot camp ministry could come to our church.
You work out and eat healthier than almost every person I know…and I know only professional athletes. I don't think it's you not doing enough ( obviously ) , I think there is this struggle in your life for a reason, and one day you will be completely happy and content with yourself…either at your current size or looking like an oversized cotton ball on a toothpick. Either way, you will be beautiful and you will know it.
"When we are broken with the realization of where we are versus where we should be, God swoops us up and assures us that we are not where we should be, but He loves us the same."
I needed to hear that statement. Thank you for sharing a bit of God. With my children, we were talking about the word glory, and how the word says the entire world is filled with His glory and that God is changing us from glory to glory. I expained it that glory meant a little bit of God, a peak of who He is…a God-bit. And if our eyes are opened to see, there are God-bits all around us…and from on God-bit to another God-bit God reveals himself. That line in your post is a God-bit to me today….because I am struggling with so many imperfections and trying to believe that God does love me.
Thank you for sharing this.
friggin' doctors. i actually hate that. bianca, you look perfect. that BMI chart is a waste. you have a lot of muscle mass and you are incredibly healthy. screwwwwww 'em!
I love it. You rock.
Thanks, JD!
Thanks for this… this is always a struggle for me so I needed this read. And I'll probably need it again tomorrow but you've also reminded me of His amazing grace. Thank you
Just needed to say this…you are one of the most beautiful people I know inside and OUT.
I'm sorry, but what?! DId this happen recently? I have seen pictures of you and you are not overweight. I am so sick of society and people telling women they need to look a certain way to be acceptable. Your worth is not tied to any person it is totally in Jesus Christ. Keep eating right and exercising and don't let your looks become an obsession. Just obsess about Jesus.
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