The reality weight loss show—The Biggest Loser—has been my motivation for a number of seasons. I felt no more joy than the moment with Ali from Days of Our Lives says, Congratulations, you ARE the Biggest Loser! [Note that I’ve capitalized the B and the L. The capitalization indicates a positive title.]
Well, today I’m the biggest loser [with no capital letters].
Jennifer Panaia
I love competitions and I’m always up for a challenge, so when Jennifer Panaia invited me on a 60 day workout journey against her at Stark Training, I did my best tough girl impression and said, Bring it on, trick! I can eat you for lunch. Because really, she’s a retired NFL cheerleader who I can snap in half if I hug her hard.
I’m taller than her, wider than her, and thicker than her; ergo, I had more to lose. The challenge was a piece of cake [mmmmm, birthday cake…]. Or so I thought.
Sixty days in, two Paleo diets completed, and one champion later, I am two pounds heavier than when I started. [I’m still holding on to the whole muscle weighs more than fat thing as hope that I’m not a complete failure.]
Over the phone she informed me she had dropped to 119. Yes, as in one hundred and nineteen pounds. To which I sardonically replied, I haven’t been 119 since I was nine years old. She laughed. I was serious.
Here’s the thing, she looks amazingly radiant and I can bounce a quarter off her derriere, as solid proof of her buns of steel. There’s no other competitor who I’d do it again with and I’m honored she asked me to do this with her. To hold up my end of the deal, I had to blog about the outcome. Win or lose.
This is the truth: I loved the workouts and even the dietary changes. I learned so much about myself, my physical strength, and even the emotional baggage I still have about my weight. Recalibrating my mind is something I need to do more often and taking this challenge has allowed me the space to do so.
I may not have been the Biggest Loser, but I did win a new perspective. This post would be remiss without a sobbing ending and angry vow from a reality show loser, This isn’t my end! You’ll see me again, Simon Cowell. I’m going to be famous!
This isn’t my end,
B 🙂
hang in there bianca! my husband loves to say that God just gave us more love to carry around and share with others 🙂 ill be praying for you as you work your way through the emotional baggage! xo lisa
Thanks, Lisa 🙂
As I like to say, I can provide shade in the summer and heat in the winter 😉
Bianca you are the women I look up to the most (besides my mom). The whole reason I challenged you is because you were the one woman I knew would give me the drive for 60 days. You are beautiful inside and out as thousands of people already know and I love you and cherish all of our fun and/or deep conversations. You help build me to be the best I can be and I am forever grateful.
Ps. I won.
Hahahahaha! You jerk! Yes, yes, yes, you won. Fair and square.
Friend, you will always be the Biggest loser in my book 🙂
i admire your commitment! I have all the intentions and the drive for about two weeks and then it feels like i deflate (i am working on it:))…besides that…Jennifer said it right, you are beautiful!
I don't understand…what's 119 pounds? {smirk}
What is this whole Paleo thing all about???
I don't understand…what's 119 pounds? {smirk}
What is this whole Paleo thing all about???
B, I wish I lived closer to you b/c I'm always game for a workout challenge – I love to sweat!
You and I can both relate to the 3 out of 4 women who struggle with food and body image issues. I too, am still on my journey. One thing God has taught me which I want to encourage you with is that "no number on the scale feels as good as freedom." Standing at 5'9" I could force my body to weigh as little as your friend with extreme exercise and restrictive eating, but I wouldn't be free – I'd be in major bondage and really unhealthy for me. This topic is a tricky one because behind "healthy" appearances there can lie disordered thoughts and behaviors that really aren't healthy at all.
I always challenge girls to never throw out numbers (sizes, pounds, calories, points, etc.) and encourage you to do the same because the reality is they can be a major trigger for girls. We are competitive in nature and comparing numbers can be very triggering, setting girls up for emotionally unhealthy behaviors.
Here's a fitting quote from my mentor Judy Halliday who is the wisest woman I know on the topic of bringing the Lord into your relationship with food and your body. She wrote the bestselling book "Thin Within" – a grace-oriented approach to lasting weight loss and co-wrote HEAL with me.
“In the case of those who struggle with disordered eating, the standard of legalism might be to be ‘thin’” to achieve a certain weight at all costs, or the belief that when we ‘lose’ weight, life will be perfect and we will be free from all our problems. When we adopt external methods to constrain our behavior, we are buying the lie that victory can be won with our self-will. While ‘losing weight might result in an immediate increase in our sense of self-worth and value, it is temporary and does not change the deep-rooted feeling that we are irredeemably flawed nor does it satisfy our silent hunger for intimacy with God.” (Thin Again, p. 55).
I'm proud of you girl for finishing strong on your challenge! Don't let numbers mess with your head – focus on Jesus, health and freedom! You are absolutely beautiful inside and out. Rest in His grace. Love you girl and am so grateful for you l! xo
I guess in between debating over whether or not to post my question or not, Allie here responded with way more insight and graciousness than I have – I'm working on it 🙂 You've both given me a lot to think about today – Thank you!
Aimee (and Dear Allie), the journey of my life has always involved my weight issues. My new insight I gained is learning to deal with change, Life, weight, and my head in a new perspective.
I agree with Allie. But I also need to tether freedom to responsibility. I want to eat freely, but I also recognize my body is a temple. The things I eat and how I live should exemplify that.
Weight will always be a stronghold in my life if I don't lay it down daily. Some days are better than others. But every day God is in control.
From what I can tell, you both are friends and this seems like an overall positive experience for you – with new workouts and accomplishments. And I don't know either one of you, but I do read this blog often and am not sure what to make of two beautiful women competing over weight loss – especially when both of you are already healthy. I just wonder, what is your new perspective that you won? From the peanut gallery over here, it's hard to tell. I'm sorry to be such a hard "derriere," (pun totally intended) – I really enjoy your writing and look to you as a role model – I just don't get it…
Just joining in on the convo started in the last few comments…
I dont think its as simple as competing over losing weight. Like Bianca said, her whole life has involved weight issues. That might be hard for others to understand who have a steadily "healthier" view of weight. Healthy is somewhat relative to the person in question don't you think? Sure, on paper someone can be technically healthy. But I still think health in general is a very intimate and personal thing.
I have a friend who has had struggles with weight, and even though I think she is unbelievably gorgeous, has a great body, and a very healthy person… its not as simple as me telling her that and her believing it. Its personal. I dont get it sometimes, and so the only thing I can do is pray for her and encourage her to feel good with herself. If her feeling good means running 7-8 mi a day and not eating that second cookie…thats part of her personal story and for God to understand.
I think you make a good point. I don't mean this directed at Bianca (or her friend), whom I admire and look to in this blog for encouragement as a Christian woman. I totally respect that this is a journey she is on and thank her for sharing it with us.
I would like to respond by separating this issue of competition from Bianca and her friend…
Personally, as someone who has struggled with anorexia and overcame it through counseling, I find it disheartening to see women in general compete for a number, even as a game. I don't think health is relative, but beauty and image are relative terms. You are right, they are intimate. I just know (again this is just my personal and limited point of view) that I finally felt free when I learned to stop equating exercise and food with success and failure. I don't like this idea of someone "winning" at weight loss. I'm concerned with the message this sends to girls and women about comparing yourself to others. At least when I played this game, it was one I could never win because my standards were always skewed.
Your friend is lucky to have someone who is sensitive and insightful enough to realize you can't just tell someone something and make them believe it. Of course, keep telling her she is beautiful 🙂 We all love to hear it and, even though she may not seem like she believes it, I'm sure you are planting seeds of confidence and change in her heart.
And obviously, this was my motivation behind weight loss…it definitely isn't the case with everyone….
Hello! This is my 1st comment here so I just wanted to give a quick shout out and tell you I truly enjoy reading your blog. Can you recommend any other blogs/websites/forums that cover the same topics?
dosing with tylenol and motrin ,
I tried to publish a comment earlier, however it has not shown up. I imagine your spam filter may possibly be broken?
Howdy there, are you having problems with the web hosting? I had to refresh the page about million times to be able to get the web page to load
I haven’t perfused him in 2 statins natually i’m crestor causes shortness of breath a paracentesis aug 9th.
Greetings, not bad job, if I wasn’t so busy with my school work I read your entire blog. I really have to say thank you!
I simply could not go away your website prior to suggesting that I really loved the standard info a person provide for your guests? Is gonna be back ceaselessly to inspect new posts
It is not known if Methylin ER Controlled-Release Tablets are found in breast milk. ,