Dear Parker and Ryen,
Yesterday marked a turn in our relationship. The door opened, marking a new week spent at our house, and we both felt comfortable to be in each other’s presence. Life was seamless and effortless and—for a moment—flawless. Parker, you proudly told me you got a 100% on your spelling test and green for citizenship, while kicking off your shoes. Ryen, you gave me kisses and told me about your pre-school drama [I can’t believe Samara said she wasn’t your friend!], while Daddy sat at the table pretending he wasn’t listening.
And in that moment, we were all friends.
Maybe it was the song you both sang for me, or maybe it was the prayer before dinner, or maybe it was the two thumbs up you gave me for my broccoli beef stir-fry dinner, but I felt like I was part of your world. I felt like I was part of your family.
For being children, you both are incredibly intuitive [a trait undeniably inherited from your father]. We all know when I’m trying too hard, and quite honestly—it’s pathetic. Learning to be your friend is something I’m desperately trying to do.
But when I fail to say nice and loving words, you both remind me. When I cook a good meal, you both affirm me. When I’m frustrated and annoyed by your tantrums, you both teach me to love when it’s hard, stop while I can, and care when it’s tough. Whether you realize it or not, you are teaching me to be a better version of me. The way I love you is a direct manifestation of the way Christ loves me; unwarranted, unsolicited, and—at times—undeserved.
But that’s why we need each other. We are committed to making our lives better. God has given you a wonderful mommy who loves you, a daddy who cares and provides for you, and me—a s’mom who wants you to desperately fall in loves with Jesus. You have not two, but three people who want to see you excel in life… because we believe you can.
I want to document our days so when we get on each other’s nerves or forget the banalities of life, we can look back at our chronicled moments and laugh. Or cry. Or hurt. Or smile. Why? Because we’re a family. And that’s what families do.
Your friends and s’mom,
Bibee
Bianca,
Parenting is the hardest job in the world, but so worth it. It will be amazing what you can teach them and even more what they will teach you. God Bless
Thanks, Christina! I appreciate your insight 🙂 Lord knows I need it!!!
Bianca you should start writing a journal for each of them. Once a month or on their birthdays write their accomplishments, personal prayers for them and also your struggles with them and when they are older give it to them. I have been keep a journal for each of my girls for years now.
So cute! You make my heart smile.
Yay! I love your smile. PS I didn't reply to your Toy Story 3 text because I was in Mexico when you sent it. But yes, total Moses reference, right???
I loved these words. I love what you said about how they are teaching you more about Christ's love, it's so amazing. I truly believe that parenting is God's way of showing us just a little bit of himself and what he went through with his son Jesus. It's amazing how children teach you more about yourself than you imagined was possible! Blessing to you and your little family!
Sometimes in the chaos of it all, I just have to sit down and hug them. It surprises them and reminds them that even when they are acting awful and I am at the end of my rope – we love each other. We may not always like each other, but thru it all, we love.
There are going to be times when they act ugly …and even some times when you act ugly…and its in those times that we have to be reminded that it's important to just step back and remember to say I love you and breathe in and breathe out.
B, you will be a wonderful s'mom. They will love you. You will fight, cry, love and laugh. Pray for them and encourage them to pray for you. 🙂
Much Love!
Spoken like a true mom… Being a mom is hard, a step mom HARDER! But with Christ, nothing is impossible.
This s'mom stuff is hard, only a s'mom or Wism (WIcked Step Mom), can understand. But you're getting it B! I am so proud to hear these words because yes there will be days when you want to say you're going to the market and never come back 🙂 and days when you wouldn't trade it for a bojillion dollars. That's right, I said bojillion. We're blessed B, we have great men & a bonus family!! love you!!
Hahahahahaha! I actually did one time go to Trader Joe's and walk aimlessly down the aisles just so they'd be asleep by the time I got back home. Matt totally called me out on it, too 😉 Thanks for seeing all my ugly and loving me in spite of it!
LOVE this post… 🙂
Awsome! Thank you for sharing, it blessed me.
Love you.
Bianca,
Came across your blog and I am so glad I did. I too am a s’mom (love that). I have been one for 20 years. Check out my blog and see all my babies. I remember the early years. My peeps were 8,6, and 4 when my husband and I married. I was 23 and clueless. My oh my did the Lord teach me so many things. One by one each of those precious ones came to live with us and my life has been so much richer than I ever imagined. My husband and I have one child together who is adored beyond measure by her older siblings. I am jealous for you in the years to come. You pray with every fiber of your being for God to pour His unconditional love through you to them, and He will. You ask Him to help you love them as your very own, and He will. They are your very own – for you CHOSE to be their S’mom and that is something special all in itself. There will be hard times as I often say sometimes being a s’parent is being a parent with no benefits! But oh the blessings are immeasurable. The time will fly. Cherish it. Sorry for the ramble but I was so touched by your words and transported back to many years ago when I was such an insecure young s’mom. Praying for you and your family.
A beautiful post! Thanks for the transparency.
I gotta tell you … being an s'mom is a LOT like being an adoptive mom (something I haven't thought of before). I could sooo… relate to your words. My girls have been home from Africa for 3 years, and we are still doing "the dance" trying to figure out our relationship. It's not always easy, but it is definitely worth it.
Your kids will be BLESSED to have you as an s'mom; even if they don't yet realize it all the time.
Hope your week is blessed.
Mama D.
Love you! You totally know the "dance" too! Thinking of you and your new baby…
I love this and I love what you do. I have a question and I hope it's not too personal. If it is, you can delete this comment and I don't mean to offend you. How you interact with Matt's ex-wife? I have a hard time with my husband's ex…
Are you allowed to be a s'mom to an almost 30 year old? Cause if you are, I wanna be your s'kid! 🙂
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