He asks me out to lunch every day I’m at work. It’s the first things out of his smiling mouth at 7:00am in the morning. I’ll pull into the church parking lot and he’ll yell his invitation to me while he’s completing his janitorial responsibilities. Uncle Ivan, I haven’t even had breakfast. I don’t know where we are going to lunch, silly! He replies he knows. I reply I love him.
Uncle Ivan is 58 years old and has special needs. In the USA, special needs is a term used in clinical diagnostic and functional development to describe individuals who require assistance for disabilities that may be medical, mental, or psychological. The doctors have test results and statistics to explain how he has limited mental capacity and is incapable to layered emotional development due to an early-childhood head injury.
Yes, sometimes he drives me crazy. He talks too much and too loud. He thinks watching SportsCenter makes him a professional commentator for ESPN. And he think he’s as handsome as Jack Nicholson [really, he’s said that before]. But minus doctors opinions of his mental capacity or development, I’m reminded that though his brain may have suffered injury, his heart has not.
***
A dear co-worker went into the hospital this week for possible heart issues. It was scary and daunting and we all worried for his health. I care for him deeply and have known he and his family for over ten years. When I played soccer, he and his wife came to my high school games. Years later when his son graduated junior high school, I was there to congratulate him and celebrate the years we’ve all grown up together.
The news of his emergency room visit shocked me. I immediately prayed for him and his family and hoped for an email update regarding his status.
Upon his release from the hospital, he shared at our staff meeting that during his stay in the emergency room, a good friend called him to see how he was doing. He asked the diagnosis, rebuked him for his food choices, and told him to exercise to keep his heart in shape. He said only one person from staff called. He said it was Ivan.
***
I sat in my cold aluminum chair and felt hollow as I realized my special needs uncle who has been labeled as incapable of layered emotional development and mental capacity taught me the true defition of the phrase. To have special needs means that the person is SPECIAL and NEEDS to be here on earth to reveal layers of life only apparent to them.
Uncle Ivy, I know you’ll never read this, but I love you. And thank you for allowing me to see how special and needed you are.
Love,
B
This was beautiful! OH how much I have learned from others who have "special needs". I do believe the Lord has placed them in my life to show just how beautiful and simple we are loved and to be loved. Your uncle Ivan sounds like a wonderful man!
absolutely LOVE this. thank you for sharing.
I love that you posted this Bianca! I work at a school with special needs students, autistic and E.D. Each and everyone of them has unknowingly transformed my life.
I love Ivan! He is such a great man. It makes me happy every time I go to church and am greeted by him. I know that he is means his HI's. I love him and I am so thankful for his heart and love he shares!
opps….I know he means his HI's…..my bad…
Absolutely touching!
This is beautiful Bianca! I am a mother to a boy with special needs…he has Autism…and though many may see that label full of impossibilities…I see it full of possibilities! No more joy has filled my heart than that little man! I am so blessed to have him!!
Yes, he has needs…we all do…his needs are just different…
Funny thing is that I’ve had Ivan in my mind for a week now.. and yes he can be loud, talks too much about sports, BUT is always the first one to go out of his way to help when I visit CCM. He wants to show me where the children’s go (which is helpful with all the changes), and on his way he says “Here’s the bathroom in case you wanna go!” LOL! oh and was very proud when they “named a hurricane after him” LOL ~You are so blessed to have him in your life 🙂
Oh B, we love Ivan! He always makes us smile, especially when he calls Leonard "Kenny" and says, "I know his name is Leonard, but I like to call him Kenny." And when he greets us and always asks for Len to see how's he doing. He really is a blessing to us!! <3 him!!! ; )
Bianca,
Thank you for your post. I feel the same way! I grew up with an aunt who was developmentally disabled (special needs) and then I went on to graduate with a degree in Special Education. I've spent the last two decades working with this population. I have learned much, so much more, from my them, than I ever taught.
hahahhahahah I LOVE his sports commenting. I love how he'll always bag on the team im rooting for lol. And I love that when he asks a question it's genuine unlike many in the church. AND THAT MAN HAS THE MEMORY OF AN ELEPHANT!!! He always likes to remind me of how bad a bowler i am 🙁 lol. Ivan is Rad
I love this post. I too have a special needs uncle. Every single day I am reminded how he fills my special needs when he says so clearly "I love you." He has limited speech capabilities but those three words always come out perfect.
Bianca,
Thank you so very much for this. As my blog title suggests, I am trying to turn the rain in my life into rainbows. I was about as normal as can be until about a year and a half ago, I suffered an injury that has left me mostly limited to a wheelchair. Some days are hard. Really hard. I love this reminder to all that while I may look different, my heart is still the same. I have the same capacity to love, to feel, to mourn, to rejoice, as any others.
Truly needed today. God in His infinite wisdom of course recognized this. Please know that He used you in someone's life today.
Thank you again.
Bianca,
Love this!
What an amazing blog to read today. My church is hosting our 5th Prom tonight for students with special needs called "A Night to Remember". I wish I could click my heels and have you come. It's an amazing night. More than 200 special-needs students, ranging in age from teens to early 20s, will attend tonight's prom, receiving tuxedos or prom dresses, makeup, jewelry, corsages, a limousine ride, a paparazzi walk, prom photos, dinner and dancing.
For the guests, it's a night to celebrate. For those of us volunteering, it's a night to reflect on what is truly important in life.
Thank you again!!
A definition besides the word “special needs” is GENUINE! Thanks for posting this Bianca, my wife and I appreciate it (and my son Isaiah).
thank you. my little brother joshua and the rest of my family appreciate this
Wow. What a great post. My autistic son teaches me things like this all the time as well. A whole new way of seeing life.
B:
I finally found a clip from "A Night To Remember" 3 years ago. http://vimeo.com/1796836 ♥
Thank you for this awesome post BB! I love you and Ivan………………….<p,
I sooo thank-you for this. I will share this with my mom friends of special needs kids. My daughter is soon to be 13 and has autism. I have always felt so blessed to have her in my life because of how much she teaches me and others around her about the true meaning of love. No one can imagine the HUGE impact she has had on me.
bianca.
my eyes are filled with tears.
xo
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