Let’s give it up for Lolo Jones, y’all! Why? Because she’s not giving it up. That’s right, the Olympic hurdler Lolo Jones announced in a recent interview that she is a virgin and is waiting to have sex until she’s married. In this interview with Mary Carillo, she stated that her virginity is a gift she wants to give to her husband.
I loved how honest and candid she was about the difficulties of hanging on to a V-card. In high school, my friends and I all vowed that we would not give ourselves away in frivolous relationships. The allegorical images we personified ourselves to were roses. We don’t want to give petals of emotional connection so that we’re left with thorns to give our husbands.
How… cute.
When you’re 16 and say you’re saving yourself for marriage, it’s cute. Like a rose. When you’re in college, it’s looked at at honorable, but odd. In your twenties, it becomes comical. And at 29 years old, completely single, and completely a virgin, it was down right odd to most people at large. I know… that was me.
As honorary conductor of the V-Train, I choo’ed choo’ed my way through awkward conversations with friends trying to explain why I was choosing to wait. And the rose analogy? Yeah, not so cute anymore.
With high profile people like Tim Tebow and Lolo Jones taking a stand for celibacy, I’m excited that we are reclaiming the power of normal people choosing to wait. With shows like The Virgin Diaries and movies like 40 Year-Old Virgin, it’s easy to categorize adult virgins as homely [or home-schooled], living at home with their parents, and socially inept. Ok, ok, so that was MY life, but whatever. You get my drift!
Lolo’s honesty is incredibly refreshing! In youth group or at purity seminars, celibacy and virginity is spoken about in fluffy, deft terms so as to not come out and say IT’S GOING TO BE HARD! Harder than getting your diploma? Harder than training for the Olympics? Yes. [We all know I haven’t been to the Olympics, but I’m training for it ;)]
I may have not had her 8-pack of abs or glowing skin or plethora of suitors, but I can attest to the difficulty in convincing others [and yourself] that the decision is worth it.
If you’re holding on your to your v-card, kudos to you! Keep it up. Here are some tips that may help in the process:
- Don’t date people who don’t share your same beliefs. Duh, right? But seriously, there are those who say they respect it, but if they are staring at you while licking their lips, you can safely say they’re a wolf who’s dreaming up of lamb chops for dinner. F’real.
- Share this info with someone who can support you in the journey. I know I couldn’t have remained strong for 30 years had it not been for the encouragement of my close friends who knew [and respected] my decision.
- Remember that it’s an honor to be in the minority. Let’s get real. 82% of men lose their virginity in high school and 84% of women lose their virginity by the end of college. Why not be in the top 16% of your graduating college class? 😉
If you’re not a virgin and you’re left feeling off the V-Train, please don’t. This is simply a way to encourage those who are making the tough decision to remain celibate until marriage. Not a virgin? Who cares! Join the V-Train with or without your v-card.
All aboard? Let’s go! Choo choo…
For those that have waited or are waiting until marriage, what has been the most difficult thing? For those who haven’t waited, what are your thoughts or concerns to add to the discussion?
My husband and I waited till marriage… we dated for 5 1/2 years (I was 16 and he 17 when we started dating)….
And OhMyGoodness it was HARD!!! We would be in tears together, trying to rationalize doing “it”… you know, because we were sooo in love and were gonna get married anyway… but any way we sliced it, we never got the okay from God.
Although our Virgin motives were not always pure… (His mother and father started a family that way, and his pride wouldn’t allow him to the same. And it was apart of my identity… a pride issue.)
But I assume that if our motives were soley based on the Lord, our struggle would/could have been cast upon the Lord a bit more easily…
We usually say when asked about our past V card that, “We wish we knew the REAL reason why we were waiting. Not just because someone told us not to.” Because we could have grown together spiritually in that time, instead of driven apart or to tears by our fleshly desires.
I’m a virgin in my late 20’s, I agree its been hard. Now I haven’t had the suitors Lolo probably had but still in my past relationships it has come up. I think it helps having family a friends that support you in this to have as support. I made a commitment when i was a teenager to my parents that I’d wait, still wearing that very same ring my dad gave me. I plan on wearing it till I get married. 🙂
I had friends from school and church I just needed to sleep with my boyfriend. Knowing totally down deep that i shouldn’t cause its not how God planned it to be. I’m so glad i never did. I can’t wait to meet my future husband and be able to give it to him as a gift.
You know what sucks?! That even Christian guys FROM YOUR OWN CHURCH kinda expect sex nowadays. The waiting…and explaining…and learning that someone you really respect and admire doesn’t share your beliefs is just EXHAUSTING.
Agreed
So… I’ve kind of had an issue with the way the church handles sex/purity/virginity for a while now.
I was all aboard the “True Love Waits” train.. like, hardcore. Sex is a huge issue in society, and therefore I think the church tries to make it such a huge, hot-button topic, sometimes they push simply the “don’t have sex” but miss the boat on the emotional implications that sex truly can have – and even so – the NOT having sex can.
I know I wasn’t alone with other girls going through High School who were so stuck in the “we want to have sex but can’t” and were told lots of cliche’s like “save your heart for God” that we weren’t being talked to, REALLY, in real-world terms. We weren’t told it would be rough, or that saying no would be HARD.
This brought me, and I think a LOT of young Christian women, to desperately want to marry their high school sweetheart, or to become desperate to find SOMEONE, and focus on getting married. The focus for many of us wasn’t on being an independent woman, or waiting to establish your life and who you really are first – we all rushed into these long-term committed relationships.
Why? Because ultimately.. we wanted to have sex, and we wanted it to be “okay.” Sex ended up being a very strong driving factor in getting married, when it really should have been a very SMALL factor in relation to everything else. A lot of the true emotions around having sex, or not having sex, were never discussed in my church. And when you found someone else who was actually open enough to admit they felt the same way – it was amazing.
So while all through High School and the beginning of College I was all on the celibacy train, when I met my (now) husband I gave it up, because I was tired of it being such a big deal. I didn’t want to wait anymore, and I didn’t want marriage to be an answer to my wanting to have sex – I wanted marriage to be about something else. I’m by no means saying this was the correct decision (I still think waiting until marriage is the way to go ;)), but I think this entire topic needs to be approached to youth in an entirely different way than most youth groups are handling it now. But, maybe they just aren’t equipped to. There really is no easy answer. :-/
I didn`t really want to respond to this particular blog,for it will reveal a lot about my past, but more importantly, I really want younger women to WAIT. Do the V-card thing….
I grew up in a family/friends/community where virginity wasn`t even considered an option. “Do it!”, “Go for it!” “Have fun!” “Enjoy yourself!” were the mantra’s I heard. That lead to a lot of wrong choices: relational, alcohol and abuse.
Now that I’m a Christian I am a “secondary virgin”, (I hate that term wish someone would think of a better one) and that’s hard too. Just from the physical side alone your body craves something you’ve had.
When I think about being with my future husband, (I’m still hopeful there is a husband in my future) I can’t offer him a truly pure, clean body. That makes me sad….
It’s worth the wait to be able to offer your groom something especially designed by God to be shared only between the two of you.
Please wait…..it may not be the “cool” thing to do, the “in” thing to do but it will be a wise thing to do. God ways are definitely not our ways for a good reason: His ways are so much….
Even women in churches are expecting sex these days not just the men
Great, great post! I am one of the top in my “graduating class”. I am 31 next month and still a virgin. The Lolo interview is me…except add two more years… and also I have NOT had a lot of opportunities (but that’s being Black in Vancouver, and that’s a story for another time). I see the fact that I have not had opportunities for temptation as a blessing. But yes, it does get a little disheartening when the majority of my friends are married with children. I am waiting for God’s best though and it’s awesome to see others doing the same thing.
encouraging indeed! Waiting is hard, but it becomes harder when doubt comes in and you’re vulnerable. I find that in this times close “friends” will put my faith to the test.
Listen, I’m waiting because I can. I have the rest of my life to worry about that, especially when I’m engaged. Right now, I can focus on other things like my future and the needs around me. I don’t see it doing it successfully with added guilt and worry about being pregnant or having and STD.
I lost my virginity at 14, I was a baby. Giving it up for guys that cared little about me and more about getting into my pants. 6 years and too many men later I reclaim my celibacy and am waiting until marriage. I may have blew it for my current dream of saving myself for my future husband but it takes so much more strength holding back after you’ve had the real thing. I just know that it will be 100% more special sharing real passionate LOVE with a man of God.
I strongly suggest for young girls (and old) to hold on to your V-card til marriage, until someone who loves you enough to place that ring on your finger and provide for you. Wait for someone who shares the same values and faith as you.
It is so disheartening to see so many young babies raising babies! Once you’ve have sex it changes everything. Unfortunately our churches are filled with teens (that grew up in the church) having premarital sex with each other. In the rural area that I reside in the teenagers often get pushed in the background and need guidance and strong men and woman of God guiding them in their lives.
Mainly my message is, save your V-card (for a man of God deserving enough of your heart) until marriage and if it is already too late, be that shining light to others and step up, reclaim your celibate self! God is a forgiving God.
GREAT post, B. LOVE that you tackle the tough topics. So glad that my dear 15 y.o. daughter reads your blog, too. 🙂
I was talking to an engaged Christian young lady a year or so ago and she told me that she got a LOT of pressure from her mom, from her older sister, from her friends (all Believers) to have sex with her fiancé before marriage. They told her that the Bible was “old fashioned” and “that was for then”. So, so sad.
Keep preachin’!
Mama D.
I was the oldest virgin I knew at 25 – I hadn’t even been kissed yet – at it was the reason I rushed into a bad marriage — and this is before I was
saved!!!
Raised by wordly parents who still had ties to a very strict tradition, I wasn’t allowed to be around boys and as a result I was OBSESSED with sex. OBSESSED! The problem is, I didn’t know that sex is honestly and truly such a small part of the equation in any relationship and it’s not going to be as wonderful as Hollywood makes it out to be.
I believe Satan controls our airwaves and we are surrounded by images of women who just casually give up sex and it’s all very blase – what many girls and women don’t realize emotions are involved and having sex isn’t always as great and easy as its made to seem. There are physical and emotional consequences, and racking up lovers, being good in bed, being easy doesn’t make you righteous.
At 33, I am completely (and I mean 100%) celibate. Not easy, but what I feel in my heart is the right path. If I were to meet a man who I could be in a serious/leading to marriage relationship with, I’m sure I would b.e tempted
For my husband and I, it was waaaaaaaay harder being engaged than when we were just dating. Hearing from married friends made me feel less like a freak when I would confess what Mark and I would literally RUN from temptation. They shared that they would go through the same thing when alone with their other half. I lived with my parents and he lived with a roommate that was hardly ever home or asleep early. So a little advice? Don’t put yourself in situations when you know it’s gonna be hard to say no. You kinda go through this period of trying to justifying ‘it’ because, heck, you’re going to get married in a couple months. I have spoken to some singles who say that if you love God enough, it should be easy and you won’t even think or shouldn’t think about doing ‘it’. That made me feel super cruddy because I was like, ok, so I don’t love God? I swear I would beat myself up, but some days I was just so excited to not only be getting married, but I’m not gonna lie, I was excited to finally experience something with my husband that I never experienced before. Well, we actually made it to the altar with our V-Cards and while it was incredibly super hard, we made it.
Where I’m from, most parents encourage their kids to have boyfriends and girlfriends, and sex is just something fun to do so why not? I lost my “purity” at 13 and kept on for years because I convinced myself that all the boys who took their turns did it because they cared about me, despite that most of them were drunk each the time.
Even after being a Christian for 6 years now, it has still been a trial at times.
Now some of my biggest struggles are in thinking of the future; having to be honest with my husband about the past, knowing that I didn’t save the one special thing that was meant solely for him. I battle regret, jealousy (of those who waited), anger at myself
Girls, hold on. Its not worth the heartbreak and the guilt. You have no idea what value your purity holds in the face of God, so please hold it tight. If you think a good Christian man loves you but he’s trying to snatch your v-card, I recommend reconsidering your definition of love.
I am 38 and still a virgin. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my Father God has the perfect match for me and that I will meet him in God’s PERFECT time. I have come to know that God is LIFE, and the more I get to know Him and walk with Him, the more He renews my youth (Ps 103:5, Job 33:25). The glory of God is man fully ALIVE, not man slowly dying. I am thinking of Enoch and Elijah, Sarah and Abraham. Therefore I am free from the fear of an imaginary biological clock ticking, that is a worldly perspective.
We live in an extremely sexualized culture: billboards, movies and magazines idolize sexuality. But the Word says in Song of Solomon 3:5 “I adjure you…that you stir not up not awaken love until it pleases”
By the grace of God, I have been protected from images and situations that could have woken up sexual desires before the appointed time in my life.
Do not despair if you are a socalled “secondary virgin”, God makes all things new and in His eyes, through His blood, you are spotless and pure.