There was a lull in the conversation and for a moment I didn’t know what to say. Sitting in my parked car, I held the phone near my ear and listened to her desire. The painfully honest admission of loneliness and singledom was all too raw and real and hard. Her words felt like the colored leaves floating down from their branches, brown and dry. I just want someone to love me. That’s it. I want someone to love all of me.
The California wind furiously beat on my car as she stolidly shared her heart; listening to the echo of the wind and the pulsating pain in her voice made me feel as if I felt her heart pounding around me. And in that moment I wanted to save her.
I’ve been there. You know, thee single friend who’s attending every friend’s wedding sans a date, RSVPing for one, and praying to God no one asks me why I’m still single. The one who during the ceremony hears vows of for better or worse, until death do we part and prays for the cocktail hour to start just so I can swallow my jealousy in tooth-picked hors d’oeuvres and watery punch.
There is a time for everything…
Everybody was in a season of change. Except me. The invitations arriving in the mail progressed from college graduations to girl weekends to weddings to baby showers. Life was moving forward for everyone else—but I remained like Adam in the Garden of Eden: alone. It was a never ending season of dinners for one, solo movie trips, and wondering when I’d find someone to love me. That’s it. Someone to love all of me.
We continued talking and catching up, but in the middle of discussing weekend plans and work endeavors, I abruptly went back to the conversation of loneliness. I wanted to save her from the pain of solitude, but something hit me. This season of solitude will be exchanged for a season of joy, but with joy comes change and with change comes pain and with pain comes endurance and with endurance comes a new season.
This season shall pass, my friend. But this I know to be true: you will survive. In this season of dry, brown leaves and fierce wind and unsteady footing, drink deeply from the cup of loneliness. Know what it tastes like. Know what it feels like. Because when you find someone to love all of you, there will be joy and with joy comes change and with change comes pain and with pain comes endurance and with endurance comes a new season. And if it’s a season of loneliness, you will know what it taste life, you will know how it feels. And you will survive.
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens… —Ecclesiates 3:1
Preach! 🙂
Thanks for reminding us single ladies that there is HOPE over the horizon 😉
You know the title of your post today is also a beautiful, sweet song by one of my favorite Christian music artists Crystal Lewis! 🙂
She speaks on alot on what you say especially with the line, “Seasons change/and then they pass/no way to know how long they’ll last/I’d love to know the reason why, but God knows…”
You can see a video of the song here – http://youtu.be/EI_RKRTKJsQ
And I would recommend you buy a CD or two by Crystal Lewis! She’s great! So grounded and her songs address real life issues that we ALL go through and her delivery? FLAWLESS! Woman’s in a LEAGUE of her OWN! I cannot compare her to any other Christian artist! She’s THAT GOOD! 🙂 Don’t take my word for it– see for yourself! 🙂
I found poems today that I wrote to my future husband when I was 17 – it wasn’t supposed to take this long.
This season for me has been long. Most of the time I love exactly where I am and where I am going. There are times, though, that the loneliness takes over and if I don’t watch it, it’s all I see.
Sometimes, though, seasons can become more than a season. Most days I can’t imagine myself having another schedule to coordinate with or an extra body in my bed when I’m most comfortable sprawled out right in the middle. What do you do when you start to feel like what you thought was just going to be a season turns into what you’re now thinking may just be your life?
I love this, my heart aches for my single friends longing for that person, and sometimes I say the right thing but more often in my attempt to “save” them I say the wrong thing.
So now I’ll just send them here to your post.. Haha jk.. Well kinda sort not.
I know this feeling.
Perfect. Just perfect.
I am not single. But, I know a thing or 2 about seasons.
Your words are encouraging.
Teach on sister!
I read this post today and it was just what I need to read. Especially since I am thirty-something and I just found out my 5th friend just announced she is pregnant (there’s something in the water let me tell ya) and one of my last single friends is getting married in a few months. I’m in the wedding.
I know I’v been given a promise but it’s days like today when it’s hard to remember that. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for all of my friends who are preggers or getting married but it can be bittersweet sometimes.
I`ve trying to figure out how to write this without being discouraging….I`m 51 and still waiting.
But, then again, I didn`t wait. I went out and found men. I wasn`t a Christian then and didn`t know God had a good plan called marriage.
I don`t want to sound like I`m preaching here, but…whether the wait is 5 years or 55 years, it`s worth the wait. God has a season for you. Wait it out. Seek Him first. Enjoy this season with Him.
“This season of solitude will be exchanged for a season of joy, but with joy comes change and with change comes pain and with pain comes endurance and with endurance comes a new season.” Yes! This!
Can we just be real here for a minute – Singleness is hard. Marriage is hard too, but I’m not living that in this season. I believe it is possible to be happy for friends and celebrate with them as their life moves forward while at the same time grieving that you’re not included in that “moving forward” season of life. As someone who has cried her fair share of “I just want to be worth it to someone” tears, I have reached the point of being honest enough with myself and others to admit that singleness is hard. Do I have unparalleled opportunities? Of course. Does that replace my desire for a Godly husband? Not at all. I am a servant of the King, but I am also His daughter whom He adores. You are too, dear one. Whether single or married. Sometimes what is needed is not for someone to fix the pain, but to simply enter into it. To rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn (Romans 12:15). Thank you for acknowledging that the pain is real. The challenge to drink deeply from the cup of loneliness resonates deep within.
Learn to find enJOYment in the situation you’re in. I have (am). I see friends of mine who have gone through divorce, once, twice, or three times. While singleness may sometimes seem to some to be a curse, I’d rather be single and (occasionally) lonely than to rush into getting married and live to regret the decision. Several of my friends have found great marriage partners. If that person (ever) came along I might consider putting my singleness aside.