There was a lull in the conversation and for a moment I didn’t know what to say. Sitting in my parked car, I held the phone near my ear and listened to her desire. The painfully honest admission of loneliness and singledom was all too raw and real and hard. Her words felt like the colored leaves floating down from their branches, brown and dry. I just want someone to love me. That’s it. I want someone to love all of me.
The California wind furiously beat on my car as she stolidly shared her heart; listening to the echo of the wind and the pulsating pain in her voice made me feel as if I felt her heart pounding around me. And in that moment I wanted to save her.
I’ve been there. You know, thee single friend who’s attending every friend’s wedding sans a date, RSVPing for one, and praying to God no one asks me why I’m still single. The one who during the ceremony hears vows of for better or worse, until death do we part and prays for the cocktail hour to start just so I can swallow my jealousy in tooth-picked hors d’oeuvres and watery punch.
There is a time for everything...
Everybody was in a season of change. Except me. The invitations arriving in the mail progressed from college graduations to girl weekends to weddings to baby showers. Life was moving forward for everyone else—but I remained like Adam in the Garden of Eden: alone. It was a never ending season of dinners for one, solo movie trips, and wondering when I’d find someone to love me. That’s it. Someone to love all of me.
We continued talking and catching up, but in the middle of discussing weekend plans and work endeavors, I abruptly went back to the conversation of loneliness. I wanted to save her from the pain of solitude, but something hit me. This season of solitude will be exchanged for a season of joy, but with joy comes change and with change comes pain and with pain comes endurance and with endurance comes a new season.
This season shall pass, my friend. But this I know to be true: you will survive. In this season of dry, brown leaves and fierce wind and unsteady footing, drink deeply from the cup of loneliness. Know what it tastes like. Know what it feels like. Because when you find someone to love all of you, there will be joy and with joy comes change and with change comes pain and with pain comes endurance and with endurance comes a new season. And if it’s a season of loneliness, you will know what it taste life, you will know how it feels. And you will survive.
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens… —Ecclesiates 3:1
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