I wanted to intervene. I wanted to say something. I wanted shout at the television and wave my hands in the air. And then I wanted to knock Tamara off her chair so she’d stop talking.
Again, I’m not an expert. I’ve been married for all of three minutes and I’m definitely not going to give marital advice, but I wanted to run in front of the television and tell the women watching, Don’t listen to this advice! These are lies! There’s a better way!
The Scene: Two women discussing marital problems
The Characters: Vicky [married to her second husband for 15 years, claims to be Christian, miserable in marriage], Tamara [separated from her husband, shacking up with a Latin boy-toy, quintessential Mean Girl]
The Advice: Marriage shouldn’t be this hard. It’s okay to get a divorce. —Tamara
On camera, Vicky says she doesn’t believe it should be one partner doing all the work, which I agree with. However, this doesn’t exempt her from putting into the marriage without expectations. When you agree to marry someone, you commit to doing the work… no matter the outcome. It’s sacrificial love. It’s marriage.
Tamara informs Vicky that marriage shouldn’t be this hard.
Whaaaaattttt?!
Scene Change: Bianca enters the scene with a tissue for Vicky’s issue, then proceeds to tell her the truth.
The truth is marriage is hard. It is work. Everyday you’re committing to sacrificially giving yourself to another person while trying to manage your expectations of what is given in return. It’s consciously enacting Philippians 4:3 and thinking of others higher than you think of yourself.
God doesn’t hate divorce because he hates divorce. God hates divorce because of what it’ll do to you, the person you made a promised to, and those involved around you. However, everywhere we turn divorce is being sold to us as the solve-all for marital issues. It’s not the answer.
Vicky claims to be a Christian and wants a Godly man to pray with. I earnestly hope there is a transformational work in her marriage and she becomes the Godly woman her husband desires as well. I believe the God who created the world is capable of healing her heart and her marriage.
But for those of us not on reality television who are married, can you give an honest answer on what marriage looks like? There are many single girls who read the blog and I would love to give a realistic picture of what marriage really is. Also, how can we lean into the pain of becoming one with another person? Any advice to give before walking down the aisle?
Real advice can lead to real change. Speak in love. Share the truth. Be willing to learn.
Thanx