Dear Bianca,
I am a youth leader, older sister, and friend. I totally believe God has called me to stay pure before marriage and know what scripture says. However, how (or do I) share my convictions with others? Should I take my beliefs and share them with others? As a youth leader, am I responsible for the purity of the girls I lead?
You said you were Conductor of the V-Train before marriage (and it’s hilarious how you talk about virginity) so can you shed some light?
Riding the “V-train,”
Stacia
Stacia,
You ride that V-Train, boo! I make you the honorary conductor now 😉 [I’m so glad you find me funny. I will make sure my siblings and husband know you think so since they think I’m dreadfully dull.] All aboard, choo choo!
As a teen, I loathed the conversation surrounding sexual purity. There was nothing more disconcerting than having a youth leader talk about sex. Maybe I was the only one who cringed attending purity seminars, but the idea of listening to conservative Christians use words like genitalia and intercourse made me want to hide under my bed with a basket of carbohydrates.
It wasn’t until I was a youth leader that I began to see the need in addressing this topic. Serving at a church located in a metropolis area, I encountered a number of teen pregnancies and can attest to the aftermath of sex out of wedlock. Recent research suggests that 58% of students are engaging in sexual activity under the age of 18 and 95% of adults are having sex without out—in the words of Beyonce—putting a ring on it. Tragically, 80% of evangelical adults CHRISTIANS have been sexually active and no one is address it.
There’s a disconnect from student ministries to main congregation. It’s as if there is this huge emphasis in high school to remain pure but a neglect on addressing those post pimply periods of the teen years.
Purity isn’t a fashion fad, it’s a mandate.
Whether you’re in high school, college, or in the golden years of marriage, purity is should encompass the totality of our being; heart, body, and mind. But I proffer that we should not only be guarding our purity but the purity of those around us as well.
Before you think I’m going to be the SexGaustapo, don’t trip. I will simply share with you a revelation I had while reading a new report.
As a die-hard lover of the Church, I take any assault on the building which houses the church very seriously. I don’t care what denomination or sect—Methodists, Catholics, Baptists, Episcopalians—the gathering place of the saints is sacred. Growing up in Los Angeles, graffiti was very common, but I would be enraged if I saw a church with graffiti on the outside walls. That was someone’s place of worship and it was desecrated?!
So you can imagine my horror when I read an article about men who broke into a church, flipped over pews, dumped trash, and graffitied their names on the walls like bathroom stalls. Joe was here. Steve was here. Paul was here.
I was enraged. Livid and incensed, I was filled with indignation and appalled that this could happen.
And that’s when it hit me. I cared so much about a building and what the building represented, while many friends and people I serve are being vandalized with much greater frequency. Daily I stand by and say nothing when friend’s allow their sacred place of worship—their temple if you will—to be desecrated and marked with names of men who refused to recognized the holiness they possessed. Joe was here. Steve was here. Paul was here.
Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies. 1 Corinthians 6:18-20
Before you run under your bed with carbohydrates, I swear I’m not going to make you sign a virginity contract or wear a purity ring. I’m simply asking that we not only guard ourselves from vandalism, but speak boldly when our brothers and sisters are allowing people to enter their temple and leave their mark.
We are our brother’s keeper.
Great question and great response!
I’m a Dad of 4 girls. I’m also a pastor who gets to speak to teenagers. This is a HUGE topic, one that will impact the lives of hearers for the rest of their life.
Even as a man who waited for marriage, I sometimes feel like I’m taking crazy pills when I’m talking about purity today. It’s just a “lost art” in our current culture.
Thank God that He gives us strength and calls us to bring His other-worldly message to a world that needs the lights turned on. No matter where you’ve been, Jesus can purify your heart and empower you to live a life of purity from today forward.
Thanks for providing a forum my girls and my students can look to!
In Christ,
Joe
Thanks, Bianca for your wonderful response. If there’s one thing I know, telling anyone that you are a celibate adult by choice makes you look like a 5 headed alien to the general population.
We are surrounded by images, songs, words that tell women that sex is *just* sex – but the truth of the matter is that’s furthest from reality. Having sex just because everyone else is comes with serious consequences that not everyone can handle.
Dear Stacia: What Bianca said is so right. Yes the teens will probably roll their eyes, slouch, sigh and look at you like you`ve lost your mind. But it so worth it. They need to hear this message sooooooooo badly.
They need to know where God stands on sex. They need to know the positives of waiting and the negatives of not.
My only suggestion would be to find someone in your church community willing to share their past of not waiting. A real life, true story to reinforce the message….
Girl, I went to CCM last night and Juny preached on the SAME thing! Such confirmation!! Love it! Love you! PS…I need to email you a lil somethin’ somethin’. is it still your same bianca@inthenameoflove.org email?
xxo
Yes, it was awesome, wasn’t it!?! Juny was so straight up & unashamed to preach on such a difficult subject that needs to be addressed often.
Bianca, thank you. I will never forget how you put this. I have a 10 year old daughter who will be challenged with this subject in the hopefully not too soon future.
I love how you put this!
Thank you for sharing. I hope you don’t mind if I borrow your analogy of vandalizing a building as a way of trying to get through to teens and young adults as to why purity of mind, body and soul is important 🙂
You’re BRAVE Bianca!
Keep being fearless and speaking the TRUTH in LOVE! 🙂
Thank you Bianca! What perfect timing for me to read your article!! I am very grateful for your wise and Godly words. God Bless You!
Purity, a tuff topic for sure these days. I would say that many of these teens fall into pre marital sex for a number of reasons;
Temptation
Raging Hormones
Lustful thoughts
Vain Imaginiations
I think we need to be real with these teens. Sex feels good but has consequences spiritually and physically when done outside the marriage bed. Many of these teens are walking hormones, I know because I was a teen age boy once with Mucho Testosterone. Even girls hormones are raging at this point as they start having their crushes on boys. My theory on why so many teens having sex, simple-THEY LIKE IT! Once we can admit that these teens are raging with lustful thoughts and that they then are responsible for casting those thoughts down in prayer to Jesus Christ then we can begin to see a change. The problem is many of these teens in Religion don’t have a Born Again experience to draw from as many of them simply go to “Church” because their parents make them or they have been raised in that environment. Without a Born Again relationship with Jesus Christ Purity will sound like Chinese to these teens. Also some good advice if you are an adult who is celibate is not too Flaunt that in other peoples faces as that becomes very Holier than Thou. I have always beelived that your Sex life or lack thereof is a very Private thing. I lways got a kick out of these Purity Conferences and Purity Rings and people bragging about their Virginity. Just be humble about it and Do not do your Good Works before Men to be praised.
I wish I had had this to read in high school or jr high. Now, I have a daughter and I am printing this post out and putting it in her book that I write in to her. Thanks Bianca!!
God bless!