Having two identities is difficult. Seriously, Clark Kent, Peter Parker, and Hannah Montana must be so confused as to when they are the real version of themselves. But alas, they do it and do it well.
I, on the other hand, don’t have a telephone booth to change in or a radioactive spider to blame when I feel like climbing walls. Basically, having two identities isn’t cool unless you have super powers.
Almost a year ago I married Matthew Olthoff and if the last name doesn’t clue you in, he’s German. Like the tall, fair skinned, blue-eyed type of German. I love who he is and how his heritage uniquely makes him all that he is. When discussing the legal name change for our marriage license, we both decided bank accounts, passports, bills, and all other boring stuff should change. But for social media, speaking, and personal emails my God-given name would remain the same as the day I popped out of my mother’s womb.
I rationalized it as, Everyone knows me as Bianca Juarez and if I change my name, I’ll be lost in the halls of Women Who Lost Their Identity. Well, maybe not that dramatic, but something along the lines of, If I changed my name, how would people know I’m Hispanic? As if my skin color and hips didn’t give that away upon meeting me! And don’t forget that my official initials would be B.O.!
Whatever.
While I was at a conference two weeks ago, someone asked me my name. I stammered for a second and stuttered, Bianca Olthoff—er, Juarez. There was a pause and then I explained that I am married but still occasionally go by my maiden name, as if names are interchangeable?! I walked away from the conversation feeling duplicitous and embarrassed.
While in Dallas last week, someone told me my new name was branding suicide. As in, how can I sell the cool factor with a name like BIANCA OLTHOFF? I panicked for a second, took a breath, and remembered the truth. My identity is not in an ethnicity, culture, or brand. My identity is in Christ.
I’m Bianca F.J. Olthoff. Now if that isn’t the weirdest looking name on the web, I don’t know what is. But it’s mine and I’m owning it!
Girl – I absolutely love this. You've got courage, more than a lot of people. I'm smiling huge over here, because this is REAL, and not just something you're putting on for others to see. I cannot tell you how I needed this today.
Sorry 🙂
And ya, own that
What?! No way. I actually used your conversation as my intro at ECHO 🙂
Seriously, loved getting to know you more. I believe in you, Mr. Reed. Stay close to Jesus and don't ever forget the kid who lived in his paren'ts basement. He's my favorite.
Yo, that’s what’s up trtuhfluly.
I feel a virtual standing ovation coming on (which are way better than real ones because you can keep coming back to them whenever you feel the need!)
Go B Olthoff! (two meanings! go me!)
ps: Why do I never have anything sensible to say?! Sorry
Work it, girl. I'm having a similar problem, just not branding-wise. My Facebook has locked me out of ever changing my name again (like EVER), so in real life I am Abby Springmann, wife of Matt Springmann, and I love it. Facebook, however, staunchly refuses to allow me to change, so all of my friends still know me as Abby Field. As dumb as it is, I feel really conflicted- I want people to know that I'm proud of taking my husband's last name. But then I have to realize that those that matter will know, and that Facebook, however people may view it, is not the be-all end-all of official things.
This was really encouraging, thank you!!
Abby, can you sign up for a new FB account? You could just friend all your old friends there… Just a thought. #socialmedia #fbblahs
Mmm. I love this Bianca!
I once heard a message based on Isaiah 62. A woman's name changes when she become intimate with a man (which is SUPPOSED to signify a marriage covenant) and how when we're intimately acquainted with Christ, He changes our name. In that chapter it says that He changes our name to Hephzibah (My Delight is in Her), and I can guarantee you that Matt (in his own way) feels the exact same way about YOU! 🙂
Well, it's not "on the web" per se but there was one woman who had a name much worse than yours…Ima Hogg.
Seriously. Not making her up. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ima_Hogg
Jason, that's the WORST name ever. And I wasn't sure you were telling the truth, so I clicked on the link. Hilarious!!!
You go girl 🙂 People will get used to it. Just be consistent [and vocal] about the switch. Make it easy for them to find you and your reputation will help carry the load.
People get married. Companies merge. Names change.
I'm glad you feel good about where you landed & are ready to fully embrace it!
[ps: your session rocked, btw]
This is great 🙂 Thanks for sharing this. I had a similar experience.. My sister-in-law and I have the same exact first names and when I got married, we had the same first and last names! AND we both don't have a middle name :/ So for awhile (until she got married a year and a half later) I would sometimes go by my maiden name so that people wouldn't confuse us :/ well that's over now 🙂 I'm glad to be going by my married name 🙂
Hubby and I were discussing this last week. Legally, I have not changed my last name. Why? Because… I have on excuse really. I am clinging to my Langarica last name because it’s all I have left of my grandfather and it helps me identify with my cousins who are all Langarica, for the most part. He would like me to change it eventually. This totally convicts me. Thanks
Hay I feel you women. In my experience. I was Danielle Amber Patterson. I always used my middle name. Then, after I got married, I dropped Patterson, and since I don't use Danielle anyway I am now D. Amber Sanchez. I still get the confusing stare at times. I thought your name was Danielle, when folks have seen my legal docs. I just wish I didnt have to explain it all the time. So, now my signature is very in direct. DAS! Short simple and easy! Lol. Love the post.
I think this post resonates authenticity. People will figure it out. It won't be the death of your online presence. If anything, it will make people respect you more.
My friend Laura just married a boy with the last name Nipp. Not the best last name, but she had come to terms with it….until she got a new work email address which was nippl@…
The way I see it, you worked and prayed hard to be an Olthoff and you should wear the name proudly! I love your blogs!!
Hahahahahaha! Oh my word, I just snorted at my desk. No joke.Thanks for the comment love. I appreciate it 🙂
Hahahaha! This makes me thing of my 8th grade health teacher – Mrs. Teets. Ugh!
It's like the time my 4th grade teacher got married. She came to class on a Monday morning and announced that her name had changed. She wrote it in big bold letters on the chalkboard and told the class that we must now call her Mrs. Arrington, not Ms. Sandoval. All I thought to myself was, "Ok", and carried on. So, don't worry. People adapt. However, it's not official until you change it on FB. Took me years!
UGH! I can't change it on Facebook. It's the weirdest thing.
I have a hard time with branding because it does seem as if you lose part of yourself. I'm working on building a platform as Julie the blogger, but what if blogger becomes author and speaker? And then what if that Julie turns into Julie the wife and mother and, like you, there's a whole new ballgame to consider? And then I feel like those parts are going to be the only things that people connect with in relationships that will be forming. What if people don't want to look past the blogger/author/speaker/wife/mother? What if I get perfectly content only letting people see those parts of me and not Julie the friend or Julie the impulsive buyer? 🙂
All that being said, I totally agree with you. Authenticity is the way to go. I'm just trying to figure out how to keep it all real as I go along.
I noticed that you changed your twitter id…and I like it! ; )
I LOVE IT! 😀
& YOU!
Have a blessed week B!
I totally get you on this! Half the reason I wanted to keep my maiden name – Alarcon – is because it's the ONLY way a person is going to know I'm (at least partly) South American. I'm fair, blond and blue-eyed. But, my name, yeah, that made me cool! And then I was Aimee Alarcon – I'd roll my r's extra well when people asked for the "real" pronunciation. My name has a nice ring to it. Now I'm Aimee Sproul – so normal. So white-washed (pun-intended). But, my husband was confused,hurt, and a bit annoyed I was thinking about not changing my name or even hyphenating. Then I remembered that I lived in Sproul Hall my freshman year at UCLA. And I ended up marrying the great, great-nephew of that Sproul. So, it seemed like fate, sweet and OK. I still kind of miss Alarcon, but I'm happy my kids and I will have the same last name…and they will surely be white. I mean, my Nothern-European husband is so white he glows in the dark! Kidding. A little bit 😉
YOU'RE SOUTH AMERICAN?! Shut up. I never knew.Oh the forsaken HYPHEN conversation. That was a fight. And I cried. Seriously. I personally blame wedding stress, but in retrospect, I'm glad I didn't hyphenate. I would have THEE longest name in the world.PS I like Sproul. It has a good ring. 🙂
Half Ecuadorian. Cross my heart. And I can't dance to save my life, either. LIFE IS NOT FAIR 😉
I'm all about being half white and half brown. I mean, seriously, go look at a photo of my dog and you'll see that even Patch is a mix. I kid you not 😉
Crying over a hyphen = Totally valid. Crying over Anything while planning a wedding is completely valid! 🙂
You coudln’t pay me to ignore these posts!
fe1SnA kvcovgkzstrs
Yes, we don’t listen to you or read what your write because of your name, but because of your authenticity! Don’t ever lose it!
Lol, I was the opossite. My maiden name was German, Breithaupt, so when I married my hubby who had a simple sweet name that reminds me of christmas, I couldn't wait to change. Now I say "it's Garland, you know like christmas Garland." lol. Your personality, love of God, and openess with your sometimes struggles is what will keep people coming back, no matter what the name. =)
Ah, this post is so ME. My parents are Cuban, so my maiden name was mucho Hispanic, and now I am a total gringo as a married chick. Since I have pale skin, I am like an "undercover Latino" living in South Florida.
Absolutely love this! Thank you. I needed to hear this. <3
When I got married, I wanted to keep my maiden name cause dude.. Henderson really? like Harry and the? but my husband had this total look of "WHY'D YOU KICK MY PUPPY?!?!" when I mentioned it, and my mom said, "all your personality is caught up in the Raquita of it all, the last name is over rated." So I joined the ranks of the one name wonders, toss me up there with Madonna, Cher, Beyonce, Janet & Bono. I think there is room for a Bianca if you think you can handle it! =0)
If a woman refuses to change her last name to her husbands it is a sign of rebellion towards him. Our indetity is in Christ not in being Hispanic or "branding" we are branded in Christ and nothing else. Christians shouldn't worry about marketing, we must decrease so that he can increase.
This is great, Mrs. Bianca Olthoff! Don't you just love the Mrs. in front of your name?
You waited, prayed, and received… now own it like you've never owned anything in your life chica!!! 😉 xo
I think Bianca Olthoff has a nice ring to it!
Your ABOUT page still says Juarez.
And Facebook page.
And Twitter account.
^_^
Facebook is wack!!! I can't change it.About page is now changed. :)Twitter was changed two weeks ago! Olthoff, baby!!!
Hahaha good job! I've been away from Twitter for like a month (other than Yelp! updates) so I didn't know you were Mrs. O already. And there must be some way to update the book of faces… I'll get back to ya! *hugs*