Within the confines of church ministry, I’m relatively young. The crown of grey hair and invisible badges of honor many tout after years of ministry pale in comparison to my four grey hairs and self-inflicted battle wounds. But I’m there. I’m serving. I’m doing my best to give back to God’s people the best way I know how.
However, sometimes we are let down and marred by the very ones we are trying to serve.
After six full years of leading in a particular ministry, I climbed into my car and sobbed after finishing up a midweek service. I couldn’t think straight, I couldn’t make sense of my surroundings, and I most definitely shouldn’t have been driving.
On the 5 freeway at 10:32pm I cried because of betrayal. I cried because of sadness. I cried because I had given the very essence of my life to leaders and students and left with nothing more than shadows of affected lives and years of fruitless toil.
Then anger set in. I was angry with ministry. I was angry with God’s people and if there was a rock around, I would’ve beat it just like Moses did! But there wasn’t. So I struck my steering wheel repeatedly with my palm of my hand as I waited at a red light regretting the past six years.
But the balm of forgiveness heals wounds in a way time cannot. And ministry isn’t a means to fulfill your calling in life, but to glorify the Giver of Life.
The core of serving is to persevere in ministry even when the fruit is futile, the rewards are ransomed, and the work seemingly worthless. As Paul says, Stand firm! Let nothing move you. Always give yourself fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor is not in vain. Ministry is hard. But our labor is not in vain. Stand firm.
this was such a good message! I know I haven't served even close to enough…but talking to coworkers about Christ or friends is exciting until the day they say no for the umpteenth time to my invitation to church, or until they are talking with me about the same problem for the 100th time and not really responding to my godly advice..(although I know i've been guilty of that)…but I know that all I have to do is be a vessel or be obedient. I don't need to see the end result. God does the work, not me.
Isn't it great that nothing is too hard for our God? He lets us go through things to test us so we'll be dependent on Him only. People, places, things, and ideas let us down, but God lifts us up. As a great song by Donnie M. goes, after you've done all you can, you just stand. My scripture for the rest of my life will be Proverbs 3:5-6. When I fully Trust in Him and lean not on my own understanding or the understanding of others, I am at peace. There is no peace like God's peace. Many blessings to you as you deal with the challenges of working with people in ministry. I know it takes a lot out of you but as you said, your labor is not in vain. ~xoxo~
"The core of serving is to persevere in ministry even when the fruit is futile, the rewards are ransomed, and the work seemingly worthless."
This is good. I need to tweet that. 🙂
I think we tweeted at the same time today. Very random, I tell ya! 😉
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Oh Bianca, that such a good message!! I've been in positions like that before and it's no fun, but as your said serving is not for ourselves but to glorify God in all we do. God bless you!!!
thanks bianca! just what i needed to hear today. love how real you are!
Thank you for the encouragement, Linda! Welcome to the blog 🙂
"But the balm of forgiveness heals wounds in a way time cannot" – love this! this speaks true for ministry, as well as any hurt that can come our way in life.
ministry should just be an overflow of worship to God. what usually happens is we see ministry as work, and we start thinking that we have to "do" glorious things for God and when that happens the focus shifts from God to us. then it becomes a terrible idol that consumes us. often times God has to break that very idol in His childrens' lives… so that what is not of Him will be taken away and what is of Him will bear fruit. (John 15"He prunes us so we can bear more fruit". PPV – Patricia's Paraphrased Version 🙂
I LOVE the PPV 😉 It's very similar to the BIV!
"And ministry isn’t a means to fulfill your calling in life, but to glorify the Giver of Life." — wow…thank you for writing this!
God is in the midst of this season of my life… He is redefining what ministry is for me. For many years, although I loved people, deep down somewhere, it was for me, my glory. I loved working in the church, alongside the church, building up people, supporting and encouraging them, and I want to do that for the rest of my life. But I am starting to come to a place where ministry is all about God, obeying Him, and pointing people to Him. It is so freeing to have this perspective. I want to be who God has called me to be and in that see people come to know Him as Savior and follow Him with their whole heart. Thanks for sharing part of this journey for you Bianca!
It's my honor to share this with ya'll! Thank YOU for coming here and reading it 😉
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“And ministry isn’t a means to fulfill your calling in life, but to glorify the Giver of Life.”
~yes. Yes….
We don’t serve for those we’re working with, we serve to give back our lives to the one who gave His life for us.
hard lesson to learn….
Keep persevering, Bi!!
Your post indicates that that you are over that whole hurting thing, but even if any tiny pieces of disappointment and discouragement are still in the heart – hang on..
You know – Right after those big let-downs there are moments of joy and this-si-all-so-worth it realisations. Mainly because they bring you closer to God. Because God reaches down and soothes bruised hear with a very personal touch, gift or word given just to you, just for that moment. Isn't it so?
Right after imperfection in people who serve alongside leaves you with hands down, the perfection og God and His power shines brighter and fills your heart with love for the very people who scratched you with their sand-paper actions or disappointed with lack of actions or fruit.
I am rejoicing for you, because that post was about a trial – personal trial. And trials bring us closer to Him – your post shows that… Balm of forgiveness.. The most beautiful gift there is..
Yes, yes, yes. I absolutely agree! Preach it.
I'm sorry. I admire your perspective and renewed drive but I'm still sorry. And if I were there I would have lent you a shoulder and a hug. 🙂
You're too awesome! Thank you so much. It's been over a year so I'm finally in a place where I can openly talk about it 🙂 Thanks for the support.
And yet again your post hits right where it needs to with me.
I often get hurt when I realise that my team are just as broken as I am, and when I see that the church react just as badly to situations as I do – they lash out and strike at me, and it beats me down.
But… stand firm.
I'm younger than you are in ministry, and I've got a lot to learn… thanks for helping with that. 🙂
Did you just call me old?! Nooooooo!!! Just kidding. Being 21 for the 9th time gets tiring 😉
Haha, if I was calling someone old, I'd call them "extra mature". Much nicer, really.
Turning 21 for the first time is tiring, too, I think!
Hey B,
Know that the work you do for the Lord will never come back void……You plant and water and we will bear the Fruit. Yes in the moment/season may seem so far away, but think of a farmer and how he must wait for the harvest. I love you and thank you for the wisdom the Lord blesses me with through you. Love you and praying for you. PC
We went through so much as a family, especially in one particular situation, that I finally looked at my dad at one point and asked him, "How can you *possibly* still preach?" (That instance, for me, was the beginning of my 'unchurched-of-the-world days.')
For years, his answer was: You can't let your faith in men get in the way of your faith in God.
It took me years to become amazed at his continued faithfulness and continued service.
It also took me years to understand what he meant. 😉
Seems like you are wise beyond your years, Bianca.
I remember that day. I remember the look on your face that night as you left very quickly, and didn’t say much when a friend and I asked what was wrong. Know that you serving in that particular ministry was very VERY much appreciated, and that you helped me, and impacted my life in ways you cannot imagine. You were, and still are an amazing example to me. I love you, Bianca 🙂
This blog comes at an interesting time. I have been struggling with a similar situation. I wasn't in a position of leadership I was simply trying to serve Jesus. (or at least I thought I was) and I ended up getting burned. Really bad. The situation still confuses me and it led me to switch churches (a decision I'm still not sure about). But it honestly hurt me in such a way that scared me enough to not want to be close to anyone. I don't know what to do now.
I've felt the exact same way so many times! Being a youth leader has been tough for me and my husband, mainly because it hurts so much to see that many of the kids couldn't care less about God. We've come to see that it's worth it, though. All the hard work and heartache is worth it because in the end, we're in this for God's glory first. Thank you for sharing and reminding me that I'm not alone. We're all standing firm together.
Thank you for ministering to me, Bianca! As a marriage ministry leader, oh gosh…this is an on-time WORD. o/
Hey B!
I just read this post. It really blessed me.
Thanks 🙂
I read this post the day you posted and reframed from commenting till now. I didn’t want my words to reflect how angry I’m with ministry and leadership, I guess you can say that was still banging on the steering wheel.
In the last few weeks I’ve laid at his feet and he has given me peace, don’t get me wrong I keep playing back again in my head and continue to question but a mutual mentor who I love and trust has given me a word of wisdom -Perservier! About two weeks ago God spoke to my heart so loud that as I was watching my husband fast one Saturday morning as he was searching key scriptures to witness to Jehovah Witness he said-‘i don’t need need four walls and a church title to use you both, I’m a Big God and I have no borders or walls! This completely blew me away.
Today I don’t know what tommorrow hold but you nailed when we must preserve in ministry when fruit is futile.
Thank you! Please pray for us as the enemy injections doubt, anger in out minds and the He gives us direction and for leadership.
Love you.
P.S – only six days left! I will continue to pray for you.
🙁
your post sooooooooo ministered to my heart. my husband and i run the midweek young adults group for our church and there are times when i feel – just.like.this. there are times we have come to the end of ourselves – and so we go ten pin bowling the week after… but its so good to know we're not alone in feeling like that and your words so wrapped articulation around how i've felt the last few weeks. we're so resolved to stand firm and to be filled so that this is the overflow of our love for Jesus and passion for His people and His Kingdom. but man, your words were like a hug!
I've been there. Hang tough! Don't give up.
B
by God's grace we aim to do this till we drop lol! we so love it, and so love our young people and most important we so love God!
love your blog and what you share!
are you on itunes – would love to hear you preach :o)
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