1/4 cup oatmeal
1/2 grapefruit
1 walnutBianca: Wait, is that a typo? She can’t possibly mean one walnut! I’m sure she meant to type one handful or one palm of walnuts, right?
Matt: No, I’m pretty sure she meant one. [snickers to himself]
Having Brianna Marie Glenn as a friend means that at any time or season of weight crisis, you have an insta-athlete at your beck and call. I’ve asked my professional athlete and friend a million times to train me or give me weight tips and she’s always helpful with her suggestions.
But after watching the Olympics every night and noticing the genetically engineered butts of the the gymnastics team and the 8-pack abs of the sprinters, I’m as serious as a heart-attack when I say I want to change my lifestyle.
Here’s a not-so-secret secret: I struggle with my weight. The horrible thing about weight problems versus porn problems or drinking problems is that you can’t hide your sin. It’s visible. To everyone. Even my Spanx. I’ve remained quiet about the recent battle of the bulge because honestly, how many times am I going to cry about my love/hate relationship with my scale? Honestly, I feel like Oprah or Kristie Alley and at any moment I might rip open a bag of Doritos and a tub of vanilla ice cream just to console myself while crying about my weight. Then go on television confessing to the world that I’ve changed my evil ways and I’m a new [skinny] person.
This episode of My Fight Against Cellulite is attributed to a number of medical—as well as personal—issues. I don’t want to get into it excuses or reasons, I just want to be healthy. Bri has asked me to throw away my scale for 30 days [WHY?! Why do you hate the scale, Bri?] and not look at models or athletes as inspirations but pictures of myself [considering I haven’t weighed my 125* since I was seven years old, we might have a problem]. I’ve reconciled with the fact that I will never look like Gabby Douglas—Hey GabbyBoo, I love you!-–but at least I will have realistic goal for myself.
So here I am again, Internet. I’m telling the world that I’m not healthy and I don’t know what to do. Doctors have run tests, blood work, and hormone calibration. I have done Paleo, SkinnyGirl, Weight Watchers, and hot yoga. I have prayed, pleaded, and begged for a physical healing. But now I am going to train like an athlete and ask God to do a miracle in my body through this step of Olympic faith.
What if I fail and you all know about it? What if I’m never healed and I continually live in my fluffy state of health for the rest of my life? What if eating 1/4 cup oatmeal with ONE walnut is the bane of my existence?
Or what if, maybe just maybe, I can prove to myself that the lack that I feel internally causes a yearning for something spiritually? What if—if nothing else—I prove to myself that God truly is my sustenance and provider for everything I need to feel full? Better yet, instead of gorging or living in second servings or opulence, what would my life look like if I lived simply so others could simply live?
So cyberFriends, for the next 30 days I will try to live like an Olympian. I’ve told you about it so now I have to complete. Pray that in the process of this journey my body is healed and pray that I develop a butt like Gabby Douglas. Ok, ok, I’ll just ask for the first request and if the latter prayer request is answered, I’ll let you know! 😉
*125 pounds is the height and weight ratio as determined by medical BMI [body mass index] standards. I personally think I’ll look like a Q-tip if I ever weighed 125.
I feel your pain. I just want to be strong. You know? I want to run fast, be helpful, and love much. I want to be emotionally, spiritually, and physically healthy.
A book that is helping me a TON in my journey is The Seven Pillars of Health by Don Colbert, MD. He walks readers through the seven pillars in 30 days. It’s such an EASY read too! If you want you can also read more of my thoughts on the book in this post: http://bethanybarkey.com/blog/13490141/health-is-cheap
I also have a desktop wallpaper with 2 Cor 12:9 to remind me: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boat all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
Thank you for being so transparent!!
Go for it:)
Bianca:….will be praying for you….am proud of you.
C
I started a second blog last October to help keep me motivated as I trained to run a half marathon. It was ridiculous, terrifying and awesome all at the same time. I used to be an athlete, but now my body type is completely on the opposite end of the spectrum. And running never was my thing. I still hate it.
April 28, six months from the time I started the blog I went down to Nashville, TN and ran in my first half marathon. It took me 3 hours and 33 minutes. I’m planning on doing it again next April, and I’m hoping to shave about 30 minutes or more off that time.
I’m still overweight. I’m still in plus-sized clothing (but oh-so-close to regular!). But I’ve done something that only a handful of people I know can say that they’ve done.
Writing about it left me exposed and feeling naked in front of everyone who reads it. But it was the best thing I’d done. When I thought about backing out, I wrote about it and my readers rallied around me. It’s only because of them and the grace of God that I didn’t have a heart attack, but I finished.
Now, I still write about my journey because they wouldn’t let me quit. I step on a scale about once every two or three months. I judge my progress by my pants. I had to go online last weigh-in and tell them that I’d gained both pounds and inches, and it was tough. They encouraged me and pushed me in the next class we had. Last month I hosted a virtual 5k to help some friends raise money for adoption expenses and they responded and we raised about $3,000 for them!
I’m here ’cause I’m there. I’m only sure of a few things in this life, but I’m sure that we can both do this. (Sorry it’s super long. I’m a little passionate about it!)
GIRL, I’m so in the same boat. My insecurities about my weight are ridiculous & I think I’m just fueling the fire by trying to diet, etc. I’ve recently come to the realization that weight is not a measure of health & that people are literally killing themselves to be at a “healthy” weight. Through my research I’ve come to the conclusion that the BMI is BOGUS!!! Weight is a contributing factor to health, but it is not the ONLY factor. I’ve starting seeing a nutritional counselor & she’s assured me that while my weight is higher than I’d like and higher than what most doctors would consider healthy, my metabolism is higher than most people. This is because most people are on diets for their whole lives & dieting screws up your metabolism. There are things that I need to work on, yes, absolutely, but there are also things I’m doing right. I no longer weigh myself, I no longer diet, I listen to my body’s cravings, and I do regular physical activity. I have started standing in front of the mirror & affirming myself for all the things that society may not think are beautiful, but I know God does.
I really hate that our society puts so much emphasis on looks & outward appearance. It is one of my greatest fears that people (specifically men) will never be able to look past my outward overweight appearance to see my heart & get to know me. That’s something that I’m surrendering to God each day.
Thanks for your honesty & vulnerability, B! I know it’s not easy to put this out there, but I will be praying that God heals this area of your life & that you are able to see yourself as He sees you: ravishing, beautiful, radiant, and lovely – just as you are.
CONGRATULATIONS…YOU’RE IN YOUR 30S AND YOUR BODY HAS OFFICIALLY REALIZED IT! {smirk}
So, being in the same boat and a couple of years ahead of you, here is what I’ve learned. FREAKING OUT ABOUT YOUR WEIGHT WILL NOT MAKE YOU LOSE IT ANY FASTER. Can I get an amen?!
After rattling that around in my head for a couple of YEARS and slipping up with pouts and panics, I’m getting to the point of understanding that I just have to be more active. I sit at a computer or in meetings most days and rather than be Captain No Fun and at the gym every night after work, I’ve started walking with friends in the evenings. Lately, I’ve had some of the most productive and growing conversations with girls I’m close to during those walks.
I’ve also realized that I’ve got to stop eating the processed foods that I all too often grab in a hurry. The sodium has a death grip on the fat in my body. Other than that, it’s a consistency thing. I almost turned down lunch yesterday with coworkers, but then was determined to go to a restaurant and eat delicious food with restraint. And I did it. And I was a pound lower this morning on the scale.
Hang in there, friend. And know that you are SO MUCH MORE than your weight. You are beautiful and intelligent and sassy and encouraging. When I think of you, I NEVER think of your body, but rather your heart and your smile!
XOXO!
Your comment made me laugh! Ah, 30’s.
I also struggle with my weight and lately I have been trying to become healthier as well. I feel like I should be doing this 30 days with you! 🙂 My mom and I have started a little competition to see who can get the most money by dieting and working out so we can take a trip together and serve people! 🙂 You are not alone and I think I might try this 30 day thing! 🙂 Thank you for being so open about this subject!
BMI is junk. It was never intended to be used as it is currently being used. My “healthy” BMI is 115-140 lbs (or so). At the low end, my bones are literally visible. Gross. My goal is fit, and my prayer lately has been for God to make me who he created me to be. I’ll pray the same for you!
Will be praying for ya! And as a nurse, I’ve always thought that BMI ratios are unhealthy. And I believe in healthy. Just sayin’.
i want you to love and see yourself as jesus does.
i want you to go on vacation with me and wear your bathing suit with pride.
i want you to have two walnuts. (next week)
i love you…
your trainer and bestie.
Girl, i love your honesty.
I had an “ah-ha” moment (well, several moments) when i went on a mission trip to Brazil in June. I know what you’re thinking, i saw the Brazilian beauties and thought,”man, i need to get in shape” well, that was part of it, but it was also me being squished inside of the express jet connection flight next to another heavy set lady (who also happened to be a believer) almost missing my connecting flight to Brazil because i couldn’t sprint to the gate with the rest of my group, huffing and puffing up the stairs to see Cristo Redentor (or as I like to call Him, Big Jesus) chasing after and picking up toddlers. yeah, tons of “ah-ha s”
i’ve been doing well since up until this week (Aunt flo and other emotional/spiritual obstacles) But that’s okay, i’m on my way.
Girl, we can do this! We’re princesses and priestesses of the most God. If the same power that raised Christ from the dead lives in us, then surely He can help us refrain from a cookie
Love you girl! you’re beautiful and amazing.
This made me sad. I think you’re beautiful. When are we as women going to stop validating self by the scale?
AMEN!
Veneis,
its not about validating oneself by the scale. its about wanting to take care of your temple.
Samantha,
I totally get taking care of yourself. Im a therapist and work at the hospital and have my own weight battle. However, Ive found that we as women (myself ) included have used the “temple” Verse to validate wanting to be thin because lets face it , it looks and feels good. Not throwing any rocks here but when a woman who looks visibly healthy to me speaks on her weight it does in fact make me sad. Sorry if that offends anyone
Thanks for being real and putting it out there. I hear ya!!!
I love what your trainer said up above!! Praying and cheering you on in IL.
Love you – Christina
If it’s any consolation, I struggle with my weight too and I used to weigh 128 like at age 15 and I DID look like a Q-tip! LOL I can laugh about it now but I write this to say what you already know– most women struggle with their weight, famous and behind-the-scenes and the good news is that there can be joy in the journey when you share your story (like you did in your post today) because it inspires others to press on and know that they are NOT ALONE. It’s like that song by Kelly Clarkson, What doesn’t kill you makes you STRONGER! 🙂 Yes, it is a song as well as a quote…it was adapted into a music video at Seattle Children’s Hospital for cancer patients, here’s the video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ihGCj5mfCk8
Be encouraged, Bianca, we are praying for you! 🙂
*Philippians 4:13– I quote this EVERY TIME I work out. 🙂
Thanks for being so raw. Food is so hard to control, especially when I always want to reward myself with it. I like your goal of just being healthy:) You can do it, B!
My first instinct is to take you by the shoulders and shake you. YOU ARE SO PRETTY! You can’t work out to get a pretty face. I mean, you have it or you don’t. Okay, you live in Orange County, so you know that if you don’t have it much can be done about that as well 😉 STILL, I think you see what I’m saying here.
At the same time, I can totally empathize with striving to be at a healthy weight and not having a single dimple of cellulite. (Side note – I highly suggest avoiding Nordstrom changing rooms for the next 30 days because it’s like looking into a cellulite mirror. The lighting! AH!)
I may be stating the obvious here, but you’re pretty lucky to have a best friend who loves you so much. Best of luck to you!
Just as I finished reading your blog i see a story on “Nightline”. Dr. Mike Dow has written a book – Diet Rehab. I hear him say ” Heroin will kill you faster, but food addiction is killing a lot more people in the U.S.” Ouch! I too have struggled all my life. I went from a size 6x to a 13 – no in-between! You name the “program” & i’ve done it. i probably have lost (and gained) more weight in my life than i actually weigh right now. i had recently lost 70lbs – (notice the “had”) – lowered my A1c – went off both blood pressure meds. Well, i’m on my way back up! 30 lbs to be exact! Please keep me in prayer – i HAVE to get back on track. love you – miss you at CCM! think you have my cell and email address – if not get it from Lisa – still have to tell you about Greece & an A21 connection.
“Heal me, O Lord, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise.” – Jeremiah 17:14
Do not give up! He CAN heal you!
i’ve never actually struggled with my weight, always been super skinny with really not much of an effort. BUT. i have my issues as any woman and i would trade my insecurieties for yours in a split of a second. couse dear bianca, you ARE beautiful, and a pound or 2 or even 10 is not gonna change that. look at jessica sipson, she’s still stunningly beutiful. and there are things (parts of your body) you cannot really work on, and no matter how many aquats i would do, that won’t make my body more curvy. i actually felt a little guilty praying for god to change these things (you know, meanwhile in africa…) but hey. he is mighty to save us from anything, and he knows the things that hurt us, so why wouldn’t we try asking him for help? right? 🙂
Bianca,
You are beautiful.
Not sure if you remember me…we met in Puerto Vallarta a few years back at a Festival de Vida (you ordered for me in Spanish). And I really wanted to say hello at the One Conference but didn’t want to interrupt you…you were one busy lady! =)
Anyway, I just wanted to applaud your efforts. I really believe we are called to be good stewards of all that God has entrusted to us; “especially our “temples.” Not so we can “look good” but so that we can “serve good.” I Cor. 6:19-10 I realize the context is sexual sin here but I believe the principle is the same…honoring God with our bodies.
I just wanted to encourage you and cheer you on. (A friend and I actually started something called Cor Camp {Cor from the Latin word meaning Heart}. It focuses on spiritual and physical aspects of the heart, http://www.corcamp.com. Our goal is to encourage women to worship the Lord with our bodies and not to live to eat but eat to live.) If you can make just one change in your diet I would encourage you to eliminate processed foods. The documentary Forks Over Knives is very informative (and free on Netflix). My husband (Pastor Chip Lusko) is 100% plant based (aka Plant Strong) while I’m about 70% there. As I’m sure you know, the more veggies you eat the more your body craves. And the cool thing about a plant based lifestyle is that you can eat as much as you want….so you’re never hungry! Anyway, feel free to inbox me if you’d like other books/recipes that have helped me.
Blessings, sweet Lady!
Larissa Lusko
P.S. BEST teaching you’ll ever hear from the pulpit on diet & exercise is by my step-son, Levi: http://www.freshlifechurch.com/3.0/teachings/teaching_page.php?id=604#bottom
Story of my life Bi…it was like I arrived before I get married and was at my lowest weight ever..then immediately pregnancy and since having my son, I’ve had the hardest time getting rid of all the weight I gained..I lost it all to gain it all back and yes..getting older, now 31 is not making it easier..LOL..but..for 1, you are beautiful and always have been..I am sure it’s safe to say you’re the envy of many gals.. I confess to be jealous of your looks and style at some point.. but then I realized she’s my sister in the Lord and I shouldn’t be..anyway..Bi, you are gorgeous..seriously.. I am with you on getting healthy.. I feel your pain from this struggle…it’s frustrating and a roller coaster ride of emotions, highs, lows ..but hang in there B- praying the Lord bless you with the strength, wisdom and perseverance to do the things you need to do for your health and praying we can both trust His promises about our value and worth in Him. Love ya, Johanna in Okinawa 🙂
Oh Bianca, you are skinny!! You are just too hard on yourself! Girl, I’ve seen you at the gym and you look AWESOME! You always gave me inspiration to go a little longer on the treadmill. (=
You’re skinny, beautiful, funny, smart, and the sweetest person EVER!
P.S. If you want to meet up at Häagen-Dazs for some ice cream to talk about it, I’ll totally free! LOL
Oh Chris, you are so wonderful. But f’real, I’ve gained weight. The good news is that I’m on a loosing trend! Thank God!
Hi there I read your blog n was wondering how everything is going. Ive read that openly stating your transition is a good step in achieving it. I want to pray for your success on a road to living healthy. Its not easy n everyone struggles. Ice cream is definitly my weakness. Hang in there.
Hey! Wow, thanks for following up. I’m excited to share that I’ve lost 6 pounds so far. It’s been hard, but I’m dedicated to complete this first phase 🙂 Thanks for asking!!!!