You don’t even want your own kids, how do explain taking on two kids who aren’t even yours, she asked is complete bewilderment. I felt like a shy kindergartner who was on the verge of wetting her pants. I don’t like conflict, so explaining confusing concepts while not having adequate support is like the Kindergarten teacher asking me to explain Quantum physics over animal crackers and tap water. Painfully confusing.
Stammering over words which sounded foreign, I explained that I could handle it and I was ready to embrace the challenge to be endured for the next decade and a half. I lied.
The truth, I really love him, just didn’t sound like a rational response.
My fiance has a peppered marital past. His first wife betrayed the vows of holy matrimony, monogamy, and fidelity. On multiple occations. Though the institution of marriage has been marred and abused in his first marriage, he still holds to the promise of redemption, renewal, and restoration. God can make all things new.
[Curtains open. Bianca enters stage left. Spotlight on Matt with opening line: “This is my new!” Crowd erupts in joyous clamor. End scene.]
While getting married is exciting and new, being a stepparent is terrifying and scary. Statistics show 74% of children must deal with a stepparent before the age of 18. Media has portrayed thee worst renditions of pseudo-parents, so what can I do?!
I mean, poor Cinderella had to deal with her evil step-mother and so did the red-headed twins in The Parent Trap! The only reference point I have are vile characters who are born to make their part-time spawn’s life miserable.
[Curtains open. Enter Parker Mason and Ryen Blake stage right. Spotlight on Bianca with opening line: “This is my new!” Crowd erupts is ruckus laughter. End scene.]
The girl who spent LA weekends in art galleries or watching inde films has traded in the expensive dinners and designer shoes to love in ways bigger than a Jackson Pollack mural, deeper than a French foreign film, and more delicious than a dinner at Spago. And the shoes? Well, leave my shoes alone 😉
I’m not your mommy. She loves you in ways I can’t imagine… but I want to try. I want you to feel safe and warm and happy when you stay with Daddy and me. I want you to dance our special happy dance when we cook in the kitchen and never get tired of me tickling you. I want us crawl into bed and read stories at night forever. I want to be the last one to pray with you at night and the first one to say good morning.
Forgive me for not knowing how to make your lunch like Daddy. Or where your clean socks go. Or how to sign you out of Sunday School. Or how to correctly eat a popsicle. I’m new at this. But I promise I’ll get better!
Even if I’m mad at Daddy or he’s mad at me, I’ll never leave him. Or you. I promise.
Thank you for sharing your daddy with me. One day I hope you’ll read this and know how much I love you… then and now.
B [aka Stepmom Extraordaire]
You'll be an awesome stepmom! Coming from a blended family myself, I know the wonderful bonds that can be made. May God bless you on the journey of motherhood! All things happen for our good. xoxo
Priceless! <3 I'm sure it won't be easy but I know that God will provide u with the wisdom and knowledge u will need. You're and AMAZING woman with a HUGE heart and I'm sure you will b a great and super fun stepmom ;). We are all here to keep you and ur new family in prayer! Luv u girl=)
These kids will be absolutely blessed to have you and your family in their lives.
Hi bianca… what more can those two precious children need but a step mom that loves Jesus, loves dad and loves them ~ And you by the Lord's grace have done them all. They will be blessed beyond measure! I will be praying for you on this new exciting adventure!!! So happy for you!
Love a sister in Christ ~ Nayi oxoxox
This is awesome Bianca!!! I truly believe that God is the God of redemption, renewal, and restoration. You are going to be an amazing mom and these kids are going to look up to the both of you. I am beyond happy for you both. Can't wait to see what Jasmine's captures on your BIG day 🙂
You step onto sacred soil, sister. And you do it with all the grace and beauty and gentleness in the book. Wishing I could reach through these comments and (hug)) you! I have had both a wicked and an extraordinary step mother. My mom died when I was 18 and I've learned the hard way how sacred new mother territory is. But I tell you with absolute truth that the woman my dad is married to now, is the mother to our family in every single beautiful way that counts. And I would so choose her over my dad if I had to pick just one of them to come visit 🙂
You know what she did that sealed the deal for us from day one? She included each of us kids – hers and my dad's- in her wedding vows. And then when we were all out to dinner after their honey moon and the waiter commented snottily about how many children she had – she responded, "YES! Aren't I so blessed?"
And that was it – the moment I fell in love with her.
And speaking from experience, it sounds like you get being that kind of blessed too.
Love to you and your new crew!!
~Lisa-Jo
I read your post and I need to be honest, I've been a child in the same situation as your step children…and it's very painful to have a step Mom say things about your Mom that aren't nice. I don't care if they are true or not and there is always two sides to a story….I don't think it's your place to talk about what a Mom did to people (who read your blog) you don't even know, it's painful. Some day they may read this post and see how you explained their Mom and that may be all they see, not the nice things. I hope in the future you speak of their Mom with respect even if you don't agree with the things she has done because she does love her kids and she is their Mom. It's not just about you, it's about the kids. Please think of that moving forward.
Honey, whether its painful or not, it's the truth. The truth may hurt dear. I really doubt that her step children will read this. It is her place to say it, because as a christian who is a public speaker, her audience and blog readers in more ways than one, need to know that her marriage to a person who has been divorced, was not divorced just because he and his former wife had irreconcilable differences. As christians, we are allowed to divorce if infidelity was one of the factors. Thank you Bianca for sharing, and letting people into your personal world, I'm so glad our God is a God of restoration and new beginnings.
Bianca, what an AMAZING God we serve!
Loving, cooking, directing, teaching, being strong and vulnerable – you are so ripe for being a mom..for being the mom.
From an outsider view – God prepared a situation for you where you fit in like a perfect puzzle piece.
Scary? Good – you'll hold on to God's hand better:) Will it be difficult – heck – yes – it is difficult for everyone. Is it worht it? – you know better!! – YES!!
Deposit God's love in those little hearts – who knows how they will change the world!
Bianca – you ARE amazing mommy – God is so good. Blessings to you!
YOU are going to be an incredible step-mom for so many reasons… the main one being you follow hard after God… and He knows their lil hearts so incredibly well… and will show you how to love them too 🙂
I <—- not a kid person – was also a step mom and even though my first marriage was also peppered w/infidelity and other unmentionables… that time for me of being allowed to be a step mom was very special 🙂
beautiful. i too have 2 wonderful extra kiddies in my life. with all the blah surrounding being a "STEP" parent…we opted for bonus. I am a bonus mom…how awesome is that! You will make a wonderful bonus mom…and although the trials are tough at times…knowing that we get to take part in their lives makes it so worth it. I have been a bonus mom for 8 + years…and i am only just turning 30 (today i might add). We share a special love with our bonus kids…it is fabulously ours. Nothing but the best.
Happy birthday! Thanks for the encouraging words. It means so much!!!
Bianca, that is one of the most gorgeous things my eyes have read.
I'm so happy for you B:) You will do well!
i bookmarked this! looking for updates.. Your blog is so informative keep up the good work!!!! terrific outstanding ;).
you’ll be able to
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