You’re a sweet girl. You have a great personality, but I need to be honest. You’ll never make it.
The trees and the color-changing leaves lightly clung on dry branches swaying in the autumn wind. The California sun was still hot though Fall rolled in. Students clamored from class to class, the campus fountain slashed year after year, and another semester on the Whittier College campus began.
She shifted her weight to her opposite hip and held her slides, notebooks, and lecture cards tightly in her arms. Her matted brown hair and pale skin proved the outdoors were exchanged for a library or office, dark and smelling of books. Her wide, rimmed glasses were pushed higher on her nose as she squinted at the sun.
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Hoover Hall, Whitter College
The midterm had finished and I proudly turned in my essay knowing it was crafted so thoroughly I was adding to Art History’s lexicon. It was so organized, I believed historians would laud my efforts and use my work as a reference point for Chardin’s “Soap Bubbles,” to add to the art history cannon.
The students filed out of the small room in Hoover Hall and I waited patiently at my desk until the room was empty. The floor boards creaked as I made my way to her desk to turn in my magnum opus on French art circa 1780. As I turned in my midterm, I asked if she would help mentor me in the graduate school process as well as write a letter of recommendation. Why would you want to go and do something like that, Miss Juarez? Do you know what kind of people get into Art History? You would never make it.
Without reading my essay or grading my report, she felt confident enough to mangle my dreams and destroy my hope of graduate school and a PhD. Her statement was based on nothing else except class participation, attendance, and short art write-ups, all of which were stellar. But she believed I wouldn’t make it in the art world, I wouldn’t make it in academia.
The words crushed me.
She picked up her slides, notebooks, and lecture cards, turned off the lights, and shuffled out of the room. I walked with her down the stairs, through the corridor, and out the glass double doors trying to understand why she thought I would never make it, why she thought I wouldn’t want it.
She squinted at the sun, shifting her weight to her other hip like she knew something I didn’t. You’ll never make it, she said. She patted my shoulder and said she wished me the best. It was the last day I spoke with her, but her prophetic words are still remembered even today.
Professor X,
You were right. Seven years later—with a 4.0 gpa and Masters degree in Humanities—I didn’t make it. I was never suppose to.
Thank you for crushing my small, plithy dreams. It allowed me to dream impossible dreams.
I didn’t make it. And I couldn’t be happier.
Though I couldn’t see it then, I believe it now.
Warmly,
Bianca, Whitter College, Class of 2002
"All things work together for the good of those who love the Lord." – Romans 8:28.
Sometimes life turns out better than we planned. 🙂
That is beautiful, Bianca. Hindsight is 20-20. It is good to remember things like this, though because I am sure that at the time, you were devastated. But our God is so good and faithful that He takes broken dreams and turns them into beautiful realities that we never could have dreamed. (Eph 3:20). Great post
Tim, that's the same verse God put in my heart after reading Bianca's post.
Wow! That was awesome sister……and sooooooo true I know God is doing for me what I could not do for myself thank you Bianca. Oh and btw I love your awesome popi too he is one of my favorite bible teachers.
How do you consider that you "didn't make it"? Maybe not to a PhD, but you still surpassed a BA and got a Master's. That would be an interesting study: what's your definition of "making it" or "successfull"? I would say you slam dunk-ed it:)
Honestly, this just makes me want to punch your teacher for being rude.
Amen!!! That is God right there! Praise the Lord! 😀 Love you Bianca!
hmmm… since this is a Christian blog and we're looking on the bright side of things, i won't tell you what i truly think about your professor or her comment… but God knows the plans He has for you, only He does and this was a part of His revelation to you for your journey with Him.
Hahahaha! You're too cute. Good thing you had an imaginary muzzle 🙂
Boom.
thank you so much for this post! i'm a recent graduate with a major in art history and i still haven't decided or heard what the Lord has in mind for me. this was a good reminder that His plans may not be as linear as mine, but are still more than all i can ask or imagine.
So glad that the criticism became a driving force to prove her wrong. Way to go on your 4.0 GPA–awesome!
Dear Mrs. X- You are a meannie!
Bianca, I love where you are today!! Love, Mom
4.0, u r a nerd.. a hot nerd.. LOL so glad you made it what you were supposed to made.
Funny how someone's words can take on a whole new meaning when you look back. For the record, B, I'm glad you didn't make it in art history because I love you right where you are now!
LOVE it! From a reader who thinks you made it BIG.
"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us." – Ephesians 3:20
P.S. – Session 2 of Marked by Love really struck a chord with me. Two days later and I still can't stop thinking about it. Thank you.
Bianca will you be in the Ventura, SB area anytime soon? I would love to hear you speak in person. But if i introduce my self to you can you promise not to lay into me about my sin like that story you told about the punk rocker girl in church (i think that’s what you said she was) lol k thanks (:
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You had Professor X @ WC? I didn't even see him in his wheelchair rolling around campus.
Hahahahaha! Oh Dan, you're so silly. Professor X? Hilarious! Total Marvel comic reference.
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