Yes, this is out of order, but I’m in Greece and everything is backwards here. I’ll keep up with the tradition and make up my own rules for this week. 😉 To answer Tuesday’s blog post question regarding oral sex and virginity, I’ll keep the complicated issue simple:
Q: If I have had oral sex, am I still a virgin?
A: I don’t know.
But my opinion doesn’t matter. There isn’t a scripture directly speaking about this so I’m leery to post an opinionated answer. However, there is good news! The one who knows the answer is also the one who can forgive.
We’ve established from a biblical and non-biblical resource that oral sex is technically considered sex. We know—from scripture—that sexual activity before marriage is wrong. Whether or not this nullifies your virginity is something only God can answer.
For those who have slipped up and engaged in activity that would make your mama blush, remember the women from John chapter 8? She was caught in the act of sexually immoral activity before the religious leaders (can you imagine your pastor walking in on you while hot-n-heavy some someone?!) and dragged her through the streets and threw her at the feet of Jesus. When they asked her if she was guilty, Jesus stooped and wrote on the floor with His finger. As He wrote, the religious leaders walked away one by one.
Jesus could have lambasted her. But He didn’t. Instead, His parting words spoken to her are repeated again today: Neither do I condemn you. Go and sin no more.
Friends, may we go and sin no more. 🙂
Any questions for future vlogs or blogs? Ask away!
Thanks you for addressing things that people are faced with today…the culture is so sexually driven, it’s scary for our kids…
a question that i have would be regarding husbands and wives in the area of submission…and not just the normal i guess submission..but in regards to things that might cause pain, like a spouse telling you to stay away from certain friends(even when it for an absurd reason) or a husband who might be a little controlling or possessive…i pose this question because i have experienced and still experience it a little (we just started counseling so we are taking steps to help us)…and because i never see this topic anywhere..people talk about submission..but it’s all so vague most of the time..and we talk about physical abuse, sexual abuse, but rarely talk about emotional abuse….
I will be praying for you.
Yes! “Neither do I condemn you. Go and sin no more.” Such encouragement. Blessings to you! 🙂
AMEN! 🙂
How do we minister to and help restore someone who has committed sexual immorality and feels so far from God?
for me, personally, this question comes up a lot with my peers. many of my peers think that oral sex does not take you out of the “i am a virgin” circle of Christianity or even just socially. when asked this question, my response is usually the same. first of all, oral sex is sex, in my humble opinion. but this opinion has been accumulated over time, and research has definitely been done. my main reasoning behind this is that being a virgin is an issue or topic of purity. the purpose behind striving for virginity in our culture or in many others is that it represents purity. it represents a clean slate. so, for me, participating in oral sex or things that are not technically sex, it still clouds your vision and brings shame. also, the bible does not just say “don’t have sex.” it states – Ephesians 5:3
“But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.” so that is where i get my belief, but i will say – how beautiful God’s redemption. He has redeemed me from many things, and He can for you as well. So if we stumble, like you said Bianca, go and sin no more! <3
Hi Bianca,
Good post. I think the mental conversation in many young Christians’ minds is phrased in the wrong terms. It’s not about how much I can get away with and still be technicaly OK with God; its about what kind of heart I have for the Lord. (Hosea 6:6 “For I desire mercy, not sacrifice, and acknowledgment of God rather than burnt offerings.”) If you’re a Christian in high school, more than likely you have a honest desire to remain a virgin until marriage, whether out of some sense of guilt or an earnest desire to please the Lord; but the hormones are still there. So the typical solution is to run right up to the borderline without crossing it. i.e. “how much can I get away with, while still living under the technical definition of virginity” – hence questions like “is oral sex really sex” etc. In doing so, they become “sexual Pharasees.” I was one for a while, until I met my now wife (she straightened out my Pharasitical mind :). Christ calls us to have yielding, soft hearts- your will Father, not mine. The technical label of virginity is irrelevant. Who cares if you’ve had sex or not, if your mind is full of sexual immorality? THAT is the mental conversation that young people need to have. Sure there are other consequences to the act of sex; virginity is important- but I’m referring strictly to the condition of the heart…
love reading your thoughts.
when i was in college, i remember asking so many people…how far do you think is too far?
i honestly never ever got a straight, biblical answer.
looking back now, with my ministry with teenagers and young adults, i do realized that it’s all about where your heart is.
it should not be “how close can i get without actually doing it” but how far away can i get so i don’t harm my relationship with my Father!
thanks for sharing! 🙂