So, I pretty much think there are a few people who can be as real in person as they are online. Especially if they’re mega-stars within certain stratospheres. But then you met someone who is almost too good to be true. Is there a possibility Jon Acuff kicks little dogs and tells people their mom is ugly? Sure. But I’ve met the guy—and it’s pretty much the possibility of Mother Theresa capping on the Pope. It could happen, but it’s highly unlikely. He’s hilarious, real, and incredibly disarming.
I’ve asked him if I could post his advice on marriage. He agreed. I died. Enjoy!
But no one ever told me about the backyard.
That’s what revolutionized my marriage of 9 years to my wife. (I’m not a pastor so I am not required by Christian law to tell you that she is hott with two t’s and that I married up, but I assure you that both of those things are very true.)
Our marriage took leaps and bounds forward when we did something wildly simple in our lawn. What was it? What was our moment? We bought Adirondack chairs and committed to sit in them a few nights a week. When the kids are asleep and the day is tired, we sit out in our chairs. No iPhones, no books, no anything but each other. We just talk, and laugh and wrestle out the issues of the day. We give each other time to have time with each other.
Buy Adirondack chairs. That’s my best marriage advice. My second? Go to counseling. Christians cheer when someone says they’re going to pre-marital counseling and then say “What’s wrong?” when you say you’re going to counseling after you’re married. You need counseling. Before a marriage and during a marriage. Don’t wait for a marriage to fall apart before you work on it.
You can find Jon’s hilarity and wit on his blog or on Twitter. Read him, follow him, love him. Let’s put it this way: If Jon were to run for President of the United States, I’d vote for him. F’real.
Some good advice there. Except for those chairs if you live in an apartment. People will steal them if you leave 'em in the back yard of your apartment building.
Yep. We've got fancy glider chairs from Restoration Hardware. They are great… but if you're not careful they'll rock you to sleep. Ours are in our front yard because we're nosy and like to watch our neighbors… but they also work great for chatting and disconnecting ourselves from all the gadgets. 🙂
Hola Jon. Great advice.
I def thing there is this stigma about any types of counseling, and it is always a last resort. I am not sure if John Gottman said it but his book costs $14.95. A lot of peole are okay with spending months on planning a wedding, thousands of dollars on it… all for a wedding–and no investment in the marriage. Sad truth.
Thanks for your awesomeness. 🙂 God bless.
Great. Sound. Wise. Simple.
I will be married 8 years in October and throughout that time…when we stop sitting—talking—and sharing…is when we disconnect.
Sometimes kids, jobs, the gym, the chores and LIFE can get in the way of the things that connected you from the start. Sitting in those "Adirondack chairs"—or where ever you can reconnect will be the best thing you can do to maintain a healthy marriage.
Great advice Jon! Thanks for sharing Bianca 😉
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great idea!! 6oing to lowes and check them out… wait… do they sell them at lowes?
Yes they do, but they're expensive! http://www.lowes.com/pd_89372-813-83056W_0_?produ…
Target has these: http://www.target.com/Outdoor-Patio-Adirondack-Po…
Oh I love this idea! Especially now that its not 1000 degrees outside 🙂 and I laughed so hard at "72% of the recommendations will be for “5 Love Languages.”
I'm single, but already have the adirondack chairs on my back patio…does that make me one step ahead of the game? In all seriousness, sounds like great (and practical) advice for staying connected!
I’d vote for Jon, too. 🙂 Congratulations on your nuptials. Enjoy the honeymoon.
I heart Jaycuff! Love the book, the blog and the online community!
B: Hope you're having an amazing time! Thanks for sharing the great advice!
Hmm, interesting. Mostly agreed – love the chair idea. Not sure how I feel about "routine" counselling as a matter of course…living in a bit of a therapy culture it seems…although definitely keeping connected with other healthy couples through small groups, touching base through occasional marriage retreats, etc…all good stuff!
Hahaha!! That's good advice. Never really thought of that before, but the more I think about it the more sense it makes. 🙂 Have a blessed weekend! Love ya' Bianca!!!
And if you DO buy someone a book on marriage, make sure it's written by someone who is still married — to their FIRST spouse. (Unless it's Elizabeth Elliot.)
Disagree. A person's advice who's been through a horrible marriage and is succeeding at a second one is less qualified to give marriage advice? I know of one couple who are on their second marriage each and work very hard at it. I would take her advice any day because of her insight to what went wrong and preventing it from happening.
Just saying.
I agree with you Kate. Some people (me included) learn much more from failure than sucess! 🙂
Congratulations!
we have rocking chairs … on our front porch. They are invaluable.
I've been married for 22 years. My best advice… is very unpopular.. Here's what most people won't tell you and what you HAVE to know.
1. The euphoric feeling of being IN LOVE will fade. I'm not saying you won't have moments of remembering what it was like in the first few months or years of romance, what I am saying is that the euphoria disappears from day to day living as you move along in couple-dom. THAT's OK. Because the great marriages, are the ones where the evidence of standing in the hard times, the good times and the normal day in and day out life that are the real "tells" Some rare over-achieving couples manage to juggle their lives while continuing to "date" each other, setting aside daily time for the two of them, this is awesome… but is often unrealistic because when you run all day being chauffer, cook, bottle washer, secretary, errand runner add on a job you may have, kids at varying stages of growth and usually illness, then add sports, school, ….. see now its midnight and you need to get into bed, NOT into an Adirondack chair…(you'll only fall asleep there anyway). and there will be many weeks where that time alone together gets pushed away because you think its where you can afford to let it slide. The truth here is, if you are setting some time aside for your spouse at least once or twice a week you will have the ability to let it slide if the need arises. You just need to make sure you've invested the time wisely when life is slower paced.
Remember, marriage is WORK! Love is great, but sometimes truthfully, LOVE isn't enough, it just won't cut it when the moment comes (and it will) that your spouse, the one YOU CHOSE to live the rest of your life with, (because you COULD NOT AND WOULD NOT spend one more minute apart than you had to) has this annoying habit or quirk or some other something that you can't train away and it dawns on you that you are going to have to learn to just DEAL WITH IT for the REST OF YOUR LIFE! God Bless their sweet little hearts.
The other really important thing is that the day comes when LOVE becomes a choice you make. YOU made the choice. On that day you choose to love rather than walk..though walking seems like it would be the easiest and best option for all… but the kicker is, that when YOU CHOOSE to love your spouse, you begin to work on a love that CAN last a lifetime… BEST WISHES!!! GOD BLESS AS YOU BEGIN THIS WONDERFUL JOURNEY!!!
I’ll be married 11 years in October to my husband. It’s actually a 2nd marriage for me, with children I brought from the first marriage. The first one lasted 4 years, by the world’s definition I think that gave my second one approx. 18 months before divorce court.
And yet, nearly 11 years, 2 more children (total 4), 1 housefire, 1 move, too many jobs to count and multiple pets later here we are, and we are more in love than we ever were. I agree with the chairs –Or more specifically communication. You have to talk. Even if someone will get angry, you have to talk. Always talk.
Jon Acuff is one of my favorite Christian bloggers! I'm not married, but I'll remember this if I ever get married. (:
I'm 15, and therefore not married yet. But I still do something like this with my group of best friends. I call it the only reason (other than God, obviously) I stay sane.
Found this this through Jon's site which I found through Dave Ramsey's site btw.
I have been married 21 years and you need to work at it every day or your marriage will suffer.
I recently wrote this for my nephew and his bride: http://www.newdaynewlesson.com/?p=3889
Can you write another article about this topic due to the fact that this post was a bit hard to understand?
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actshttp://circusperformer.livejournal.com/920.htmlhttp://knol.google.com/k/anonymous/-/2b0x0djhoys8l/1http://circusperformers139.webs.com/apps/blog/show/5207151-circus-actshttp://www.gather.com/viewArticle.action?articleId=281474978651067http://circusperformer.blog.com/2010/10/31/circus-acts-2/http://circusperformer.insanejournal.com/744.htmlhttp://circusperformers.terapad.com/index.cfm?fa=contentNews.newsDetails&newsID=1150811&from=listhttp://circusperformers.sosblog.com/-b/circus-acts-b1-p1.htmhttp://circusperformers.edublogs.org/2010/10/31/circus-acts/http://circusperformers.typepad.com/blog/2010/10/circus-acts-1.htmlhttps://sites.google.com/site/circusactsccv/circus-actshttp://circusperformers.bravejournal.comhttp://www.blurty.com/users/circusperformerhttp://circusperformers.blogs.experienceproject.com/491579.htmlhttp://circusperformers.corank.com/tech/framed/circus-acts_2http://www.a1-webmarks.com/bm_info-5676280.htmlhttp://www.mixx.com/stories/29449337/circus_actshttp://circusperformers.corank.com/tech/framed/circus-acts_2http://www.jumptags.com/circusperformershttp://www.a1-webmarks.com/bm_info-5676280.htmlhttp://www.searchles.com/people/show/circusperformers/postshttp://circusperformers.corank.com/tech/framed/circus-acts_2http://www.sitesays.com/posted?u=circusperformer.insanejournal.com/744.htmlhttp://www.mixx.com/stories/29449641/circus_actshttp://buddymarks.com/9/bookmarks.php?id=circusperformershttp://www.diigo.com/user/circusperformershttp://www.delicious.com/url/2ad6598de46f136e1e8648f75283dcdfhttp://www.a1-webmarks.com/bm_info-5676280.htmlhttp://www.a1-webmarks.com/bm_info-5676280.htmlhttp://www.folkd.com/user/circusperformershttp://spotback.com/users/circusperformershttp://www.a1-webmarks.com/links-circusperformers.htmlhttp://www.mixx.com/stories/29449814/circus_actshttp://www.sitesays.com/user/circusperformershttp://circusperformers.corank.comhttp://www.mixx.com/users/circusperformershttp://faves.com/users/circusperformers/friends/dotshttp://www.ters.org/bookmarks.php/circusperformershttp://www.blinklist.com/users/circusperformers——————–Oct 31 2010 23:22——————–http://www.a1-webmarks.com/bm_info-5676280.htmlhttp://www.mixx.com/stories/29452423/circus_actshttp://www.jumptags.com/circusperformershttp://www.searchles.com/people/show/circusperformers/postshttp://buddymarks.com/9/bookmarks.php?id=circusperformershttp://www.diigo.com/user/circusperformershttp://www.mixx.com/stories/29452428/circus_actshttp://circusperformers.corank.comhttp://www.folkd.com/user/circusperformershttp://spotback.com/users/circusperformershttp://www.sitesays.com/user/circusperformershttp://faves.com/users/circusperformers/friends/dotshttp://www.mixx.com/stories/29452433/circus_actshttp://www.mixx.com/users/circusperformershttp://www.ters.org/bookmarks.php/circusperformershttp://www.blinklist.com/users/circusperformershttp://www.folkd.com/user/circusacts6515http://www.mixx.com/stories/30423101/circus_actshttp://www.jumptags.com/circusacts6515http://url.org/bookmarks/circusacts6515http://circusacts6515.corank.com/tech/framed/circus-actshttp://circusacts6515.corank.com/tech/framed/circus-acts_2http://circusacts6515.corank.com/tech/framed/circus-acts_2http://spotback.com/users/circusacts6515http://buddymarks.com/1/bookmarks.php?id=circusacts6515http://www.blinklist.com/users/circusacts6515http://circusacts6515.corank.com/tech/framed/circus-acts_2http://circusacts6515.corank.com/tech/framed/circus-acts_2http://www.jumptags.com/circusacts6515http://spotback.com/users/circusacts6515http://buddymarks.com/1/bookmarks.php?id=circusacts6515http://circusacts6515.corank.com/tech/framed/circus-acts_2http://www.searchles.com/people/show/circusacts6515/postshttp://www.folkd.com/user/circusacts6515http://www.blinklist.com/users/circusacts6515http://circusacts6515.corank.comhttp://url.org/bookmarks/circusacts6515http://www.mixx.com/stories/30428034/circus_actshttp://www.mixx.com/users/circusacts6515http://circusperformer.livejournal.com/920.htmlhttp://knol.google.com/k/anonymous/-/2b0x0djhoys8l/1http://circusperformers139.webs.com/apps/blog/show/5207151-circus-actshttp://www.gather.com/viewArticle.action?articleId=281474978651067http://circusperformer.blog.com/2010/10/31/circus-acts-2/http://circusperformer.insanejournal.com/744.htmlhttp://circusperformers.terapad.com/index.cfm?fa=contentNews.newsDetails&newsID=1150811&from=listhttp://circusperformers.sosblog.com/-b/circus-acts-b1-p1.htmhttp://circusperformers.edublogs.org/2010/10/31/circus-acts/http://circusperformers.typepad.com/blog/2010/10/circus-acts-1.htmlhttps://sites.google.com/site/circusactsccv/circus-actshttp://circusperformers.bravejournal.comhttp://www.blurty.com/users/circusperformerhttp://circusperformers.blogs.experienceproject.com/491579.htmlhttp://circusperformers.corank.com/tech/framed/circus-acts_2http://www.a1-webmarks.com/bm_info-5676280.htmlhttp://www.mixx.com/stories/29449337/circus_actshttp://circusperformers.corank.com/tech/framed/circus-acts_2http://www.jumptags.com/circusperformershttp://www.a1-webmarks.com/bm_info-5676280.htmlhttp://www.searchles.com/people/show/circusperformers/postshttp://circusperformers.corank.com/tech/framed/circus-acts_2http://www.sitesays.com/posted?u=circusperformer.insanejournal.com/744.htmlhttp://www.mixx.com/stories/29449641/circus_actshttp://buddymarks.com/9/bookmarks.php?id=circusperformershttp://www.diigo.com/user/circusperformershttp://www.delicious.com/url/2ad6598de46f136e1e8648f75283dcdfhttp://www.a1-webmarks.com/bm_info-5676280.htmlhttp://www.a1-webmarks.com/bm_info-5676280.htmlhttp://www.folkd.com/user/circusperformershttp://spotback.com/users/circusperformershttp://www.a1-webmarks.com/links-circusperformers.htmlhttp://www.mixx.com/stories/29449814/circus_actshttp://www.sitesays.com/user/circusperformershttp://circusperformers.corank.comhttp://www.mixx.com/users/circusperformershttp://faves.com/users/circusperformers/friends/dotshttp://www.ters.org/bookmarks.php/circusperformershttp://www.blinklist.com/users/circusperformershttp://www.a1-webmarks.com/bm_info-5676280.htmlhttp://www.mixx.com/stories/29452423/circus_actshttp://www.jumptags.com/circusperformershttp://www.searchles.com/people/show/circusperformers/postshttp://buddymarks.com/9/bookmarks.php?id=circusperformershttp://www.diigo.com/user/circusperformershttp://www.mixx.com/stories/29452428/circus_actshttp://circusperformers.corank.comhttp://www.folkd.com/user/circusperformershttp://spotback.com/users/circusperformershttp://www.sitesays.com/user/circusperformershttp://faves.com/users/circusperformers/friends/dotshttp://www.mixx.com/stories/29452433/circus_actshttp://www.mixx.com/users/circusperformershttp://www.ters.org/bookmarks.php/circusperformershttp://www.blinklist.com/users/circusperformershttp://www.folkd.com/user/circusacts6515http://www.mixx.com/stories/30423101/circus_actshttp://www.jumptags.com/circusacts6515http://url.org/bookmarks/circusacts6515http://circusacts6515.corank.com/tech/framed/circus-actshttp://circusacts6515.corank.com/tech/framed/circus-acts_2http://circusacts6515.corank.com/tech/framed/circus-acts_2http://spotback.com/users/circusacts6515http://buddymarks.com/1/bookmarks.php?id=circusacts6515http://www.blinklist.com/users/circusacts6515http://circusacts6515.corank.com/tech/framed/circus-acts_2http://circusacts6515.corank.com/tech/framed/circus-acts_2http://www.jumptags.com/circusacts6515http://spotback.com/users/circusacts6515http://buddymarks.com/1/bookmarks.php?id=circusacts6515http://circusacts6515.corank.com/tech/framed/circus-acts_2http://www.searchles.com/people/show/circusacts6515/postshttp://www.folkd.com/user/circusacts6515http://www.blinklist.com/users/circusacts6515http://circusacts6515.corank.comhttp://url.org/bookmarks/circusacts6515http://www.mixx.com/stories/30428034/circus_acts
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