When life is tough and you feel like you can’t go on, it’s okay to not be okay.
When money is tight and you are stressed about the bills, it’s okay to not be okay.
When your heart is broken and you’re devastated and alone, it’s okay to not be okay.
When life doesn’t make sense and you feel lost in a maze, it’s okay to not be okay.
When dreams are shattered by reality, it’s okay to not be okay.
When death takes someone you love, it’s okay to not be okay.
Sometimes as Christians we lose perspective of the One who fights for us. Like, since we’re Christians we shouldn’t lose our marbles, yell alone in our car, or cry because life is too much. We should be perfect and pretty and polished. We should quote scripture and hold onto to promises and never, ever be angry.
However, when I look at scripture I see ordinary people, serving an extraordinary God, still have meltdowns. David was a emotional basket-case; yet he was king. Job cursed his birth; yet lived a long life. Naomi admitted she was bitter and forgotten; yet her promise was met.
These characters had space to not be okay. And it was okay.
In moments of confusion, desperation, or bitterness, don’t hide alone in a closet. Or worse, don’t isolate someone because they’re not okay. We all need space to process our emotions without the feeling of needing to be fake or fine or in control. God’s in control. We run around like fools acting like the world is ending until He stops us, reminds us, and assures us… everything is going to be okay.
In the meantime, know you have the space on this blog to say when you’re not okay. I will be a good listener… unless you’re in sin and I bust a Cher in Moonstruck on you!
This is wonderful and spoke straight to me. My two best friends are getting married this summer and I'm not okay with it, I'm scared that i will be left alone and that while I lose my two closest friends they will both be gaining a loving christian husband. I've been challenged to open up to them and no longer put up a front although i am insanely excited for them both! I thankyou for the reminder that the people in the bible really were just ordinary like us and struggled too. So many thanks Bianca! 🙂
Hi Joanna,
I also thought I was losing a best friend when she got married and moved 2.5 hours away. Turns out a loving marriage is NOT all hearts, roses and rainbows… our phone calls are great and she's given me a TON of insight on how much work and compromise goes into being a wife and stepmom. From my POV, there's nothing to fear and (speaking to myself) nothing to be jealous of.
Sidehugs,
Cindy A.
Life does seem hard at the minute. I'm ok with not being ok, but I wish I didn't have to do it alone (apart from God obviously). It's good of you to open up your blog to others not-ok-ness, thank you 🙂
Great post! Real talk for real life issues!
thanks for letting us have a place to say when we are not ok…i am right there right now…really…sometimes just want to throw in the towel…just praying that God will take those feelings away…
I need prayer… thanks
Praying for you…
Love it, such truth! Thanks for sharing!
WoW! This is exactly what I needed to hear. My daughter has leukemia (in remission) and is scheduled to finish treatment on 7/7/11 (yay). However the past few weeks have been crazy! Her immune system went kaput, she had this gnarly viral infection, needed blood transfusions etc. Then this weekend she seemed to get a lot better until last night. We get slammed w/a fever! Now she’s been admitted to CHOC until she can be 48 hours no fever. My poor baby is asking me why this is happening so close to her end of Chemo. My husband is amazing at giving it all to God and not worrying. I on the other hand feel like I give it all to God, but at the drop of the hat I’m a basket case! I’m not OK with this. So it’s nice to know that I don’t have to be OK with it all the time. I can go along praying and being that basket case too! ha
I just wanted to let you know I will keep your daughter in my thoughts and prayers. Sorry to hear of her recent up and downs. She sounds like a fighter though. I've been experiencing some of the same w/ my mom and her health lately so I can relate on some level. All the best to you.
Thanks for this opportunity Bianca…for many of us to see we are not alone and it's okay to not be okay. =)
I'm PRAYING for you and your daughter. Promise!
Not okay…stuck in a space of "meh." Woke up in the middle of the night from a work related nightmare…but it caused me to have a pretty authentic conversation with the Lord, so I guess that is step forward!
Perfect timing once again…God works in mysterious ways…I am getting married in less than 2 weeks and now there is a good chance my dad won't be coming and i am heart broken..i feel like so many people who I thought were close to me have let me down and I am hurt in so many ways. I know life is tough and money is tight but some things shouldn't be missed…like your only daughters wedding or the wedding of a friend who has bent over backwards for you for years and years without asking for anything in return…so I guess for once its nice to know it's okay to not be okay..because Im not
This came at a perfect time! This weekend was not okay. I was so busy with life, running around ALL day Saturday and Sunday, I was stood up by friends and was in need of a hug or shoulder to cry on and all I got was people asking me what my issue was rather than just telling me it was gonna be okay. Lamentations 1:2 was the verse I clung to last night because that's exactly how I felt. Being in ministry, having a job, and being super involved in school is tough and all I really want is sometime to say, "IT'S OKAY to not be okay". Thank you so much for this Bianca and for being real. Some Christians like to sugar coat life as if it is so simple and let's keep it real, IT'S NOT! It's tough, it's ugly, but our God provides a way always!
Thanks for posting this Bianca. I was just thinking this morning, I am not ok, but quickly told myself, I am Christian, there is no room to not be ok….thanks for the reminder that without turning from the Lord, I can still not be ok. I do cling to Him, He is simply all I have right now. Hubby is out of work once again, we have to move, our marriage isn't the most wonderful of marriages. Yes, I am sometimes not ok, but I will make it.
Ahh… now I can overload you with my not okay'ness! LoL j/k Thank you for posting this because I currently feel the way you described… like I'm supposed to be okay, but I'm not. Even now – worrying about $$$$… something I swore I'd never do after watching my parents struggle. I trust God, I really do, but sometimes… it's just hard… and I'm not okay.
This was exactly what I needed to hear. I've struggled with not being OK, especially lately. Thank you!
I sooo needed this! I’m marrying the most amazing man (met him on eharmony actually!) in 2 months and he does not have a full time job. He and I have spent countless hours and days searching for jobs he can apply to and after months of searching and applying nothing is opening up. I’m scared. I’ve never not been provider for and it freaks me out. I know God provides at just the right time but…..what can I say? I’m worried and feel like I’m lacking in my faith because I don’t “trust” enough.
So thanks for reminding me it’s okay to cry, scream, and not be okay and still give God all the praise, glory and honor.
Psalm 40:1 I waited patiently for the Lord; and He inclined to me and heard my cry.
Psalm 27:14 Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and He will strengthen your heart. Wait, I say, on the Lord.
I don't know what you're waiting for, but I sure hope it's something special for you, not something special to someone else.
Thanks, Cindy_A! I love these verses! You really encouraged my heart today. 🙂
Yay! 😀
I love this community that is going on! Thanks, Cindy 🙂
This is a great post. And something so many of us evidently needed to hear. I want to put a different spin on it, though. I just turned 31 yesterday. The first words out of my grandmother's mouth were "Happy Birthday! 31 and never married…" And then come all the sad looks, like I shouldn't be okay with the fact that I haven't found a husband yet.
So what about when you really are okay with something and people think that you shouldn't be? I'm at a point now where I'm happy. I feel like God is getting ready to rock my world and totally flip it upside down, and I'm excited.
I know that they want for me to be happy, but I hate that they get hung up on the fact that I'm the oldest single female they've ever met 🙂
First…Happy Birthday! Second, they haven't met me! LOL 33 1/2…single…and happy! I think it's okay to take your time, and express that you are happy if you wish, if you don't that's fine too. You know your truth, just because they don't agree doesn't mean you have to justify where/who you are. (I hope that makes sense). That's great you are excited for what is to come for you…don't hear that much and I say enjoy it and keep doing what you do. I'm excited for you now. lol
I'm a firm believer in things happening when they are supposed to for you..when you are ready…not by what others think you should or shouldn't be doing.
Thanks! The older I get the more I understand how important a birthday nap is. But seriously, thank you for your encouragement! I believe in God's perfect timing, too. I just try to be happy at whatever stage He has me. Worked pretty good for me all these years!
You just described where I am exactly! I feel like I've been waiting on God's timing/direction forever. :/
This was so great to hear!!!! Lately I have been struggling but relying on God and I have talked to my mentor about not being okay.
Also some friends and I were talking about that it is extremely difficult to have others know what is truly going on in someones life. This is leading us to a challenge to actually be there for others and how we want to know what is going on. I am hoping that when school starts back up and friends return, that I can have a small group that we can hold each other accountable and truly know what is going on in each others lives. That is how God can truly move!
Wow!!! Thank you for allowing God to use you. My dear friend forwarded this to me and I thank God that He placed me in her mind as she read it – it's what I need – ENCOURAGEMENT. My trial is pretty hefty as it consists of a separation. I can only continue to pray that God will mend this that I see broken because He sees beyond what we see. We have a family and we are all hurting. He is in a path to destruction without knowing – I ask our Father to be with him and to open his heart and mind to realize what he is doing is wrong.
You're amazing, Gitz.
(and I didn't know you hung out here, too!)
I'm stoked BOTH of you are here!
Thank you.
Needed those words. I try so hard to be "polished." So good to be reminded that it's okay to simply be human.
I think there’s an issue with the RSS feed here. Seems like a missing link to me?
le sigh. thank you for this reminder this week 🙂
Bianca, Thanks for posting this. You are always so genuine and true. I love how scripture reveals so much through our brothers and sisters of the past. Because I too feel like the "christian nut case" at times.
I love you! Seriously, I do. I've listened to you speak at our church Calvary Chapel Cornerstone in Covina, Ca a few years back at a Mother/Daughter luncheon and you were awesome. Finally, I got to hear this young, awesome woman of God my teenage girls had come home raving about after a young woman's conference the year before. You have a gift, and the awesome thing about it, is you USE it for God's glory, and to speak to so many hearts. I so needed to hear this today. Thank you <3
It truly is OK! 🙂 Thnx for the reminder!!
It is so true, and it's amazing that we serve such an awesome and graceful God. Things are not okay, and I've told Him that 🙂 I've lost 2 babies to miscarriages within the past year and feel so broken. I am blessed to have family and friends support me but even better to know that even though that I get mad, that Jesus never leaves. My prayer is to get pregnant quickly, and have a healthy, happy baby very soon. Thank you for your always encouraging words Bianca.
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