“Oh, if we would only remember who God is!” —AW Tozer
The edge of the bed was the only stable item in a room that was spinning. I felt short of breath and the walls of my mind were caving in. On the day I was suppose to be celebrating my twenty-first year of life, I sat on my dorm room bed and felt everything but celebratory.
Oh…
“Oh,” I numbly replied to my father on the other end of the phone. Oh was the only word to fall off my lips. Oh was the only word I could say. Oh was the only word I felt. My mother was diagnosed with not one, but two forms of cancer on my twenty-first birthday. It was an unnecessary, unwanted birthday gift wrapped in ugly paper.
Oh, if…
If I wasn’t in finals, I would’ve drove to the hospital. If I wasn’t in a dysfunctional, broken relationship, I would’ve called my boyfriend. If I wasn’t feeling anesthetized to life, I would’ve cried. But I didn’t. I sat on a stiff college bed and felt nothing, not even an urge to breathe.
Oh, if we…
We had been through so much as a family. In financial poverty, God never let us down. In loss of job, house, and car, my father ingrained in us, God will provide. In times of confusion, we were instructed to trust the Lord for direction. In times of plenty, we all knew God was the giver of all and we owed gratitude to our provider. And now in times of illness I found myself asking, “What if?”
Oh, if we would…
Would God take mom from daddy? From us? From the church? Would God let down the hope, wishes, and prayers from people at our church who needed their pastor’s wife? Would God forget how she sacrificed for Him, for us, for them? Would God even care?
Oh, if we would remember…
I feel to my knees. Then on my face. Then coiled in a fetal position overwhelmed by the unanswerable questions. I wept uncontrollably and cried bitter tears, angry at the silence. And when the anger melted and my cold heart softened, I remembered. I remembered the donated food on our porch when daddy lost his job. I remembered the borrowed car a church friend lent us. I remembered the fact that though my boyfriend didn’t love me, God did. I remembered the Red Sea, the manna, the cloud and the pillar of fire. I remembered the fish and loaves, the water and wine, the blind and the sick. I remembered who God said He was.
Oh, if we would remember who…
Who do you say I am? A question Jesus asked of his disciples throughout the gospels and a question I heard on the floor of Harris Hall, my college dorm. Who do you say I am?
Oh, if we would remember who God…
God, the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end, the giver and taker of life. God, the creator of all, the giver of all, the lover of all. God, the author, the editor, the finisher of our faith. God, the first, the last, the all. God, caller, listener, speaker. God, healer, rebuilder, restorer. God who loved Adam, loved Esau, loved Judas, loved me. God, almighty, all powerful, all knowing. God. God and nothing else.
Oh, if we would remember who God is!
Amen!!
Thanks, B- beautifully written, beautifully encouraging 🙂
This needs a love button – the Facebook 'like' button doesn't even touch this post!
We have got to get that book out of you!
Yes! I remeber who God is. He's my pillar of strength and his mercy and grace is sufficant for me. ____Thank you for sharing.
Was a little disheartened today, until I read this. God is amazing; thanks for helping me remember.
Well worth the wait. I don’t cry a ton, but you got me remembering, too. Overwhelmed by God’s goodness and bigness right now. Thank you.
thanks for the reminder, bianca!
Beautiful <3
This is a pretty awesome piece of writing. I'm going to go back and read it again. =)
BIANCA!!! I LOVE THIS!!!
Thank you for this! I needed to hear this today. My mom's health has been up and down this year, and today we've noticed somethings going on that show there may be something else going on…hoping to get her seen by a doctor tomorrow in hopes to avoid a 5th hospital stay this year. She says not to worry about her…that's never going to happen. Thank you for this reminder Bianca.
Beautifully written, perfectly timed…. If only I would remember who God is…. as I struggle with an alcoholic husband, teenage girls and financial woes. As I want to give in and give up God shows up boldly and reminds me of who He is… using your perfectly written, beautifully timed words. Thank you for being open, honest and used….
A. MA. ZING.
Thank you so much.
So beautiful! This testimony is especially touching as just today I was remembering a family who lost their wife, mother, guide, pointer-to-Jesus. Yet God is still with them giving them strength to continue on with a hope that they will see her again in glory!
Hi Bianca,
Greetings from Ohio! God is SO good. Thank you for the reminder. Everytime that I remember who He is, my problems seem to fade away. I am overcome with peace and the blessed assurance that He is in control.
I've been reading your blog for a few months now and recommend it to all of my friends. I hope that you never doubt the gifts that God has placed inside of you because they are such a blessing to me and countless others.
Biana, This is PRECISELY what I needed in this hour. This post is a wonderful reminder. Thank you.
wow! this is just what i needed. thanks for always being inspiring and truly speaking God's word!
Thank you, Bianca, today I was feeling a bit down and this was just what I needed to remember who God is and the wonderful things He has done and does.
Absolutely Beautiful!