I don’t know about you, but when people begin to talk about boundaries, I cringe. I feel like it’s meant to control me or put me in a box. Immediately I want to fight back and say, Nobody puts Baby in the corner! But once we realize that life isn’t a country club summer camp with Patrick Swayze, then perhaps we can see the benefit of healthy boundaries and how physical intimacy complicates things.
The last two posts pulled out scripture from Songs of Solomon, so let’s keep with the pattern as we dive into the third installment on BOUNDARIES. [Read part one on attraction or part two on communication to be all caught up with the series!]
Throughout the Songs of Solomon, we are chided with this message from the woman. She shares this message in her community and I want us to talk about it as well.
There is a repeated phrase in this book and I want us to all write this down:
Do not awaken or arouse love until it is time.
Before we go on any further, I want to lead with that there is no condemnation in my heart or in this post. You may have stumbled on here via Facebook or Twitter or Googling stuff like “Totally awesome MexiRican women who love Jesus and like pop culture,” but either way, please know that we are family.
As Christians, we are taught that we are a family—the family of Christ—and we are to treat each other with the upmost respect, care, and protection as you would for a family member.
God gives us guidelines on relationships not because He’s a Cosmic Killjoy, but because he is our Protector.
So I’m going to tread on this topic of boundaries with sensitivity, but honesty. God’s word is clear for Christian behavior in purity before and after marriage.
Our God created intimacy and sex. He’s not in heaven looking down like a Peeping Tom wondering what we are doing. Within the marriage context, He like, “Get it son! Get after it, girl!”
But sex and sexual intimacy before marriage, scripture is clear that it’s not Kosher.
Why?
When we engage in intimate actions with those we are not married to, we bind ourselves to them [check out 1 Corinthians 6:16]. I’m not just talking physically, but spiritually and emotionally as well. Be careful with how involved you get with the person you are dating.
It complicates things. Furthermore, scripture is clear on things that we should not engage with. [If you need further clarification on this things we are discussing, ask your Sex Ed teacher.]
Set boundaries in the beginning of your relationship and remember who you are. [Hint: If you need a reminder, you are the Temple of the Living God.]
I grew up in Los Angeles and graffiti is everywhere. I’ve become anesthetized to it.
But when I would see graffiti on a church—any type of church—I would get SO angry.
That’s someone’s place of worship, that’s sacred. You don’t mess with that!
Recently I read an article about some vandals that broke into a church, wrecked the inside, left trash everywhere, and left their names of the walls and reminders of who had been there.
I was outraged! I was livid! But then I was convicted.
1 Corinthians 6:19 tells us that our bodies are the temple of the living God. Our bodies are temples of the LIVING GOD and yet we allow vandals to come into our place of worship, wreck it, and leave their names: Jennifer was here, Scott was here, John was here.
When Paul was writing to young Timothy, he gave him a warning.
Unmarried friends, I too, tell you the same thing: flee youthful lusts.
A huge phenomena that I am seeing right now with Christian singles is no longer pre-marital sex [though that’s happening] but with singles who are engaging in intimate acts with someone and feel its okay because it is not spoken about in the bible. This is a Miley Cyrus rendition of “Blurred Lines” except it’s within the Church?!
Listen, instead of looking for loopholes to excuse our sex drive, can we decide to honor those around us, respect God in our relationships, and control our libido. No, I’m not being a party-pooper!
I’m saying, if you are Christian and you want God’s will, purpose, destiny, and blessing upon your life, then abstain from sin and run towards purity.
Don’t have sex until you’re married. But when you DO get married, make up for lost time!
Can I get a witness?
Hear me:
I LOVE Church, I want to influence culture for good, I want to redeem the stereotype around our generation, and it is my desire, much like doctors who take a Hippocratic oath to preserve life, I too take a vow to not just preserve life but to give instruction on how to DO life.
Not my way, but God’s way.
There are those reading this blog right now and and I know there are people who are messed up, jacked up, wounded, marred and scarred from past and present relationships.
I know there are men in here who have been taken advantage of, women who have willfully given themselves over to the hands of man, and people who have been raped, molested, and inappropriately dealt with.
After things like this, we can feel worthless and tossed aside like a shoe that has been tried on one too many times.
So I feel today like Martin Luther with a message for the masses, who is rejected by most but revolutionized others.
And I bring you this: the beauty of our powerful God is, Behold, He makes all things new [Revelation 21:5], the years that the locust has eaten, He restores [Joel 2:25]; Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed and the new has come [2 Corinthians 5:17]. Though your sins were like scarlet I will make you white as snow [Isaiah 1:18].
So let’s keep it real.
- Some of you are not in relationships, but want to be. Guard your heart, trust in the Lord, and become the person you would want to marry. Work on areas in your life that God wants to sharpen.
But also know that your value doesn’t change or increase when you are married. You are valued and loved with or without a ring on your left hand finger. - Some of you are married and have forgotten the isolation of singleness. Open your doors and your homes, make a way for your single friends to feel loved and valued in your community.
And if you are married and you have forgotten the passion for your spouse, I pray you reignite your love and fervor for your beloved. - And lastly, there are people in here that are straight up in relationships that are wack. They aren’t edifying to each other or to God. So you have some decisions to make today. Do you want to continue to give yourself away, disrespect those you are called to honor, and reap the consequences of your actions? Or do you want to live a life worthy of the call of Christ?
Let’s do life and dating well. My heart is to see you succeed in all areas of life and I’m excited you are on this journey with me.
If you want to hear the message I shared on this topic, the fine folks at Charlotte One posted it HERE.
What else would you add to the DTR? Lord knows there are many things to address but those were just three that I felt to be the most pressing. Comments, thoughts, or stones to throw? Bring it on!
I’ve read through all three posts and was blessed by it. You hit the nail right on its head!
God has blessed you with a unique way of teaching. You’re a great inspiration to the youth of the world. God bless you!
Love it. You’re so real and talk about the struggles and truths. Love the part of thy body is thy temple. I use this with healthy food and things but never thought of it in this context! When it was staring me in the face. Thanks for the encouragement and also encorporatinf marriage in it. I feel many times people get married and that’s it. They forget their friends and become boring dinner date people with other couples. Thanks for encouraging and reminding both sides to be there for each other!
Wow all of these posts were awesome and it was the perfect timing! This really reminded me that God’s timing is perfect and Jesus plus nothing is EVERYTHING! Thank you so much for your encouraging blogs that challenge us in a fun and loving way to live more like Christ!
You’re awesome, Elissa. Thanks for the encouragement.