As I mentioned a few times before, there are some awesome online thinkers out there who are doing awesome things and sharing good content with the world. Nicole is one of them. We met in Atlanta about two years ago and have stayed in touch with her since. I’ve asked her [and a few other fabulous people] to share on a topic that is resonating with them in their current state of life. As she does, Nicole has brought to surface some interest topics! Enjoy. 🙂

The other night, the hubster and I had a couple over for dinner. Somewhere along the way, our conversation turned to the differences between men and women (gulp). We began discussing women’s inability to form quick and easy friendships and men’s ability to form quick and easy friendships. I have mentioned this topic before. I guess it’s one that I think of often. I’ve heard it said, “It’s normal to hate your friends.”

In the chick flick, Julie and Julia (stay with me, guys), Julie asks her closest friend (the only one she likes), “What does it say about you when you hate your friends?” Her one true friend responds, “It’s normal to hate your friends.”

Julie’s husband automatically jumps in and states, “I don’t hate my friends. Men don’t hate their friends.”

So girls…why do we hang out with friends we don’t really like? And better yet, why is this (or is it?) happening in the church?

I have one sneaking suspicion that some women are friends with women they don’t really like because women are perpetually in competition with one another. Who is skinnier? Prettier? Better-dressed? Who has more kids? Who has better behaved kids? Who has a cooler, sweeter, sexier husband (by the way, the answer to that one is me)? Who prays more, reads the Word more, worships louder, is Godlier?

You get the picture. Women’s competitive nature with one another often leads to fruitless, superficial, ingenuous friendships. I am guilty of this. I have secretly been in competition with some women I know and have failed miserably. They never knew it, but I did. I admit too that yes, I’ve even had some friends that I haven’t liked too much. Pitiful, I know.

I have learned recently, however, that the more honest, open, and transparent I am, the more my would-be-friends will be also. Choosing people you like and think are pretty cool doesn’t hurt either. More than that, God has a value for friendship. The Bible is full of examples of rich, deep, meaningful relationships (does that sound corny? Maybe so, but it’s true).

And if we believe that God values friendship, then we must also believe that He values our friendships and that He has a desire to see us form genuine relationships with other women. People were built for community and fellowship. We have an inner need for intimacy and closeness. God made us that way, so we should take Him up on the offer.

So ladies, take the risk. Put yourself out there. Be sincere. Admit your mistakes, failures, and fears to another woman. You may get shut down or hurt, but what if you don’t? What if a lifelong friendship stems from it? What if she becomes your next best friend (can anyone say “BFF”)?

Also, we have to stop being afraid to set boundaries and tell the not-so-nice-and-not-so-cool-chicks to leave us alone or back off. We only have room in our lives for people who will edify us, care for us, and love us–and for whom we would do the same.

And, on the flip side, why is it so easy for men to form friendships? Why can men hang out once or twice and feel like some random dude is their best bro?

My husband says men are just simple. They don’t over-think things. They are not quietly wondering if the guy they just met thinks he’s pretty, or smart, or a good mom… Get it ladies? That’s us. We do that.

Men can enjoy the moment much more than women. Women tend to think more of the moment after the moment. “Will she want to hang out with me again…later…tomorrow?” (That’s us again ladies.)

Women, let’s stop second guessing, over-thinking, and missing out on real friendship. And men, it wouldn’t hurt if you taught us a thing or two about forming friendships. Seriously.

So what’s the deal? Why do you think ladies have friends they dislike? Do you?

Why is it hard for women to form friendships? Why is it so much easier for men?

Hi. I’m Nicole Cottrell and I’m a hopeful romantic, baby wrangler, writer on a mission, and wife to my hero. Most importantly, a follower of the One. I’m the Modern Reject…Feel free to stalk me on Twitter or Facebook. You can also find me at ModernReject.com where I write about the uncomfortable stuff no one else likes to talk about.

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