On today’s highlight post, my mother shares a part of her journey that I love. It’s bittersweet to read about, but at the same time there is freedom, liberty, and hope that it brings.
She’ll be speaking with me tomorrow at the Pure Heart conference. If you want to tune in live to the sold-out event, you can watch live tomorrow at 9:00am PST!
Millie [aka Best Mom In The World] is a talented, beautiful, feisty Puerto Rican who has been faithfully married to one crazy man and spawned five neurotic children. She loves being dramatic [which she’ll never admit], talented [which she doesn’t believe], and holy [which she doesn’t even realize].Meet my mama, Millie. 🙂
Part of my story begins when I was 19 years old. In May, 1974 I was awakened to the sounds of my mother and father getting ready to go to work. I laid wide-eyed and as silent as possible in the wee early hours of this particular day. I anxiously wanted them to leave because it was going to be a very different day for me.
When I finally heard the door being locked and the car driving away I let out a nervous sigh and made my way to the dining room window, pulling back the curtains to make sure my boyfriend was parked half block away, as we had planned. And yes, he was.
I quickly bathed and dressed and nervously left the house as quietly as possible hoping my brothers wouldn’t wake up. I slid into the front seat and softly said hello. We drove down the 10 freeway silently towards Hollywood to the much dreaded abortion clinic. You see, I was pregnant and didn’t want the child.
We stepped into an empty waiting room which brought a great relief to me because I was scared, nervous and terribly anxious. I wanted to be the first one in and the first one out! They quickly called my name and I finished all the necessary paperwork. As I turned to take a my seat again I was shocked at how quickly it had filled up. Every seat was taken with young faces but I could bet it was the young men’s decision for their girlfriend’s abortions.
Not my boyfriend. He badly wanted me to have the baby. He took on two jobs, one being at night. Every night he would call from the noisy factory wanting to see how I was feeling and asking again if I would consider having the child, but it was a solid NO for me.
My name was finally called. I was taken to a dreary room to prep me for surgery. I was terribly nervous when the doctor examined me and told me I was 2-3 months along. A kind counselor followed with warm touches and strokes to my arm to calm my shaking body. As I was being wheeled down the corridor to the surgery room I decided to change my mind. I told the counselor that I was going to leave and not go through with the abortion. She kept patting my hand and holding my arm. The surgery room’s bright lights blinded me and I heard a voice telling me that everything was going to be okay and to breathe deeply.
I woke up in recovery and was glad it was all over. I turned to the woman beside me and asked if this too was her first abortion, but she said, “No, it’s my third.” I went back to sleep.
The recovery nurse woke me up and helped me into my clothes and handed me a cool glass of orange juice and bid me good-bye. I sat weak and droggy waiting for my boyfriend. He sadly walked up the lonely corridor and held out his hand to help me. He hated me. I know he did.
For two weeks I sat in a pool of depression, loneliness, guilt, shame, fear and remorse. There was no one I could speak to. No one I could trust. No one who could understand. But one lonely afternoon Laura came to mind. Laura, myself, my boyfriend and so many others would party at her UCLA dorm room alot. We had become good friends. I decided to call her to find out the whereabouts of my boyfriend. After we spoke for a while she asked how I was doing. At the sound of her caring voice, I began to vomit my pain into a listening ear.
But little did I realize that Laura had accepted Jesus as her Savior recently and took her time to share in length the love of Christ. That afternoon this Glorious Intruder, Jesus Christ, made a brilliant entrance and broke through my dark world and illuminated it with hope and light, for Jesus Himself said that, “He is the light of the world. He who follows me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life” (John 8:12).
I was a different person! Filled with hope and new aspirations. I shared with everyone I came across. Even my boyfriend. We decided to meet at Christmas to exchange gifts. I opened my gift….a bottle of Barcardi Rum. I kept my mouth shut and accepted it. His gift was a Bible, which he threw back at me.
After much praying he finally accepted an invitation to a “rock” concert with my girlfriends at Calvary Chapel Costa Mesa. It was the happening thing back then. Hundreds of hippies crowded the sanctuary with great music blasting and a fabulous message from God’s word moved his heart to finally accept Christ as his Lord. Like myself, there was no turning back!!! Both of our lives were changed forever.
Forward two years………………….we got married! A year in a half later I was pregnant and what a difference this time around. What a joy to have God’s blessings upon our relationship and our baby. Three months into my pregnancy though my doctor recommended a sonogram. As we nervously went to our appointment the technician that performed it kept making “hmmm” sounds under her breath. She finally, with a large grin, announced that we were having twins. We cried and laugh at the same time. What a jubilant feeling and experience. We were in awe!!
Walking back to our car we both realize that God redeemed us from our foolish, stupid, and immature decision years prior. What I gave away He reclaimed. What I tried getting rid of He gave back to me in the form of twins. We cried and thanked God for His tremendous grace.
What was dirty in my life, He made PURE. What was thrown off to the side, He reclaimed. What was chaotic at one time, He calmed. What a kind God we serve!!!!!!!!
Wow. I haven’t ever known of anyone to share their story about abortion, for her to be open and so honest is both humbling and inspiring.
Isn’t she amazing?! I love that chick!
WOW! What an incredible story! Tell your Mother thank you for sharing… truly amazing!!!! 🙂 She really is an incredible woman and has raised some wonderful children! 🙂 Keep up the good work on here I love reading your blog!
I will let her know, Ashley! I love her 🙂
I am so happy to finally “hear” your mother’s voice. I have heard Pastor Pancho speak of wonderfully patient wife Millie on the radio, as well as your sister – whom I am acquainted with thru the wedding world – write of her….but it’s nice to finally “meet” the “Best Mom in the World”.
Yes, God is good – AMEN!!!!
You’d love her. She’s a diva!
now I know why I love you so much …
We love Cubans too! 😉
Wow! Thank you Bianca and Millie for sharing this amazing story of redemption and hope! God is so good!
You’re SO welcome. Thank you for reading.
What an amazing story and an amazing mom you have:)
I needed to hear this today! God has blessed my husband and I by bringing us the amazing news of a new baby. I have guilt of a similar decision we made in the past and although I have asked for forgiveness, this story opened my eyes to the Lord’s redemption and beautiful future He has laid out for us! It’s so wonderful to stand in God’s light! Thank you Millie, thank you so much!
The most beautiful untold truth ever told…thank you 😀
Loveyaalots
Oh my goodness this made me cry!!! I had a horrible pregnancy related disease when I was carrying my son. a disease that leads many sufferers to abort…I hear so many stories of anguish, it is so beautiful to look at stories.like these that can give hope to the hurting <3
Thank you for posting this, it was so encouraging!
What an awesome awesome story of God’s redeeming love, how His love purifies us, and how we can move forward from brokenness!
I love this! Amazing grace indeed
God is SO GOOD! Thanks to you and your amazing mom for sharing her story.
I Love Millie! She is always so open and caring, her humble and down to earth coolness makes her a powerful leader. Awesome testimony, Thanks for sharing!
What a beautiful story of never losing hope and of Gods grace!
…And I’m crying…I kid you not, I made it to the 6th CD of the Book of Ruth Bible study you gave me today and got home (I listen to them when I’m out driving to errands because it’s the only “me” time I get lately) just as you finished talking about how children are a blessing.
Your mom is definitely worth more than 7 sons!
Please thank your mom for sharing a little part of her life with us!!! As I was reading I worried, I gasped (yes out loud), my heart broke, but then I smiled because her life is a beautiful example of God’s faithfulness, love and grace!! <3
While I am usually only a blog stalker, I just have to comment on this post. I’m not even sure where to begin but I guess thank you would be a perfect starting place. Thank you for sharing this story and especially, Bianca, for saying that you love this part of your momma’s journey. I, too, had an abortion many years ago. I also changed my mind but did not run out of the clinic as I wish I had. When I read of your mom’s depression, loneliness, guilt, shame, fear and remorse, with no one to speak to, no one I could trust and no one who could understand, I wept. I remember those feelings well though they seem a lifetime ago. As He always does and as only He can do, God has also redeemed me and given me an opportunity to share of His grace at my church and with other women who so desperately seek His healing. I don’t think that there is a person in my life that doesn’t know this story of mine except my children. They are 7 and 10… too young to hear about it when I spoke a few years ago. As my daughter grows older I am more aware every. single. day. that the conversation grows closer. I have no doubt that God will be there with me, that He will go before me but I still hate that it will break her heart. You see, I always felt that the child was a boy, my son and God has confirmed that over and over. I named him Jonathan. Since she was tiny Madeline has said “I feel like I should have had an older brother.” Each time my heart would ache because her heart missed the brother that her mind did not yet know existed. I nearly fell to the floor the day that I walked into the room and her and her toddler tole me they were playing with an imaginary “big brother, John.” My sweet son, Gavin, used to dream of his big brother, John, and through his dreams I got to hear about his favorite things and what he looks like… but most importantly, Gavin told me that John lives in Heaven. The greatest hurdle I had after my abortion was that I robbed my children of their big brother… that they’d never get to play with him but, beyond my wildest dreams, God redeemed even that! If it could be possible at all to talk to you or your mom about when she told you, how you felt, what you thought, I would be forever grateful. To hear you, Bianca, as her daughter say that it is a story you love has already lightened the load for me! Thank you to both of you!
Oh wow, now I’m crying. This is so crazy. Please don’t think I’m weird, but I told my mom a number of times before that I felt like I had some big brother out there in the world and I wanted to meet him. She didn’t tell me at that time (I wasn’t ready to hear it), but when she felt we were mature enough, she told my sister and I.
I don’t want to tell you what happened next, but to stay in line with my mother’s honesty, I have to openly share. I sobbed for hours. I went through all the emotions. Confusion. Disbelief. Anger. And finally—after sobbing and yelling, HOW COULD YOU—I forgave her. Twenty years later, I’m so glad she told us. I was able to mourn the brother I never knew… but it brought healing.
I know your children will be fine. The respite and hope I have is that one day, all six of the Juarez kids will be reunited in heaven. My mom and dad will be so proud to see all of us together… like your kids will too.
Thank you for sharing.
I don’t think it’s weird at all that you say you thought you had a big brother. How just like God to connect us in some crazy way! If I may ask, how old were you when she told you and your sister? Truly, there’s a part of my that would like to just get it over with but I know that God’s timing is perfect… mine, not so much! So, I’ll wait until further instructions! 🙂
Your mom is truly an inspiration and a great role model. I have attended CCM for about 5 years and from a distance, I have admired her godliness, poise, and kindness. Can’t wait to hear the both of you speak at the “Pure Conference” tomorrow. You’re both in my prayers.
Make sure and say hi! 🙂 Can’t wait to connect.
I have never loved any woman the way I love and admire her… I even got to meet the famous Laura at a retreat once 😀 She was there and Millie introduced her to all the ladies
Thank you for sharing your Mom’s story. I too made thee inevitable decision. The only difference I went in head strong, or at least I thought I did. I pitied the women who were weak and had doubts. Not me I am strong woman. Years later I found myself missing my children, full of regrets, wondering how would they have looked, or where would I have been with my children. Through my younger years I partied my life away, with drugs, clubs men and more men. I didn’t know it at the time, but I know now I was trying to mask my emotional mess i created. Even after accepting Christ I still carried the over whelming guilt. I have learned to forgive myself recently Jesus has already f redeemed me. I still wonder now and then about my chocolate baby, when I come across children. I don’t punish myself, I just wonder, and know they’re alive and waiting. Thank you.
So truly beautifulto Gos.be all glory. I just balled my eyes out!
I could have rewritten the same story about myself and now today I sit in the waiting room as my daughter is about to give birth to my very 1st grandchild and it is a boy. God is so marvelous, wonderful and merciful to totally forgive us of our sins.
I don`t have words for you`ve left me with a lot to think about. It`s too long to write about here. Maybe someday I`ll get to share it with you…
But, thank you….thank your mom. She is the Best Mom in the World.
I`ll be praying for both of you for the Pure Heart Conference tomorrow…
your mom is an admirable woman! please forward my thanks to her for being so brave and sharing such a personal story!
Praise God for Laura’s courage to share Jesus. I love her. She loved on me when no one else did. She was my 1st Spiritual mother 😉 small world…thanks for sharing your heart millie!
What a beautiful testimony of Gods redeeming grace and love. Thank you for sharing your moms story with us.. I remember meeting your mom in the early 80s at CCWC. She is so beautiful and she blessed me with her lovely voice when she sang in the choir. Blessings to you and your family. <3
What a beautiful happy ending to a powerful testimony! 🙂
Your MOM is so BRAVE to have been so honest and transparent in sharing her story.
I admire the work God is doing in the lives of your family members that you blog about here!
God bless you all! I think your lives are a true testimony to the reality of JEREMIAH 29:11! 🙂
Love,
Alexis
Wow! Wow! That is such a blessing to read!
Awesome!
Bianca, wow. This put tears in my eyes. What an incredible testimony.
I’ve heard this before and still cried. I LOVE MILLIE! She’s still my BFF.
Honestly, I clicked on a link to this blog post from a twitter friend. I haven’t heard your story, but can tell you that I’m so thankful that your mom shared her story on here today. I had an abortion 13 years ago at the age of 14. Scared, lonely, depressed, angry, and lost. I had no where to go and no one to turn to. I am amazed at the Redemption of God. Because of His grace and mercy, I am looking forward to having children one day. As I cried reading this post, I was reminded so much of the pure love that Christ gives to me daily. I needed to know that today. Thanks again.
WOW, what a powerful story! I think it would be amazing for our ladies in the program at the Sheepfold to hear how God remedies our mess. I just may try to set something up. Your mom rocks! Please tell her thank you for sharing Bianca!
Kelly, thank YOU for doing all that you do at the Sheepfold! Let us know if you ever need us to do anything 🙂
We have the best mom in the world. ever.
It’s been almost 7 YEARS since I was in that very same place in my life. As I read her words it was almost like my story… even the part about the girl next to her in the recovery room. When a nurse came and checked on the girl that was next to me she responded by saying, “I’m fine, I’m used to this, It’s like my third time”.
For three years I went through depression, guilt, shame, I hated myself…. And then I met Jesus, The One that loves me and forgave me of ALL my sins..
Thanks Millie for sharing your story, glory to God for all that He has done in your life, it gives me courage to share my story as well.
Love you ladies.