Frankie came into youth group after several counseling sessions with me. She wore dark lipstick and walked with swag only the hard core kids could pull off. She was from the streets. And though our church is located in the concrete jungle of East Los Angeles, she was one of the few kids who’s unknown father and thrice-married mother still gang banged in the ‘hood.
She had a hard exterior, but I saw the soft within. The stonewall face was to protect her from the hurt she felt from the hurt she encountered. Frankie came to our church hopeful… hopeful she could be one of the few that got out, that got better, that ended the life lived by fear. She wanted more. The summer of 2006 she spent with me going to lock-ins and beach parties and the other youth activities I planned. Seeing her laugh and smile and sing and hope was glorious. Absolutely glorious.
I can still hear her raspy voice and loud laugh if I close my eyes long enough.
Summer turned into fall and the laughing girl with the raspy voice had to go back to her high school routine with people who lured her slowly back to the gang life. I still called her and invited her to hang out with me, but she slowly stopped returning my calls.
Until it happened.
Frankie’s mom called the church office frantically trying to contact me. All she told me was that Frankie was at the hospital and severely injured from being jumped [read: gang beaten] by a gang at a local park. I left the office and immediately drove to the hospital where Frankie was surrounded by four Pico Rivera police officers.
Frankie was gang raped. Repeatedly.
She sobbed in my arms asking the ageless question, Why. With bruised eyes and swollen lips, she said she wanted to stop. She knew this wasn’t what God had for her. She knew there was more.
For the five months that followed, I walked Frankie through court proceedings and prayer sessions. The day arrived when she would testify against the gang members in court and she showed up to the church office in her mother’s clothes. The black mini skirt was two sizes too small. The bright red blouse was sheer, revealing her undergarments. The heels were too big. She shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other as we spoke about the case.
Within five minutes we were racing out of the door to a local clothing store to find Frankie some clothes that fit. We ambushed the store, throwing piles of clothes at Frankie to try on. She laughed, raspy and loud. I remember it vividly because it was the last time I would hear her laugh.
The court scene was brutal. She was portrayed as a sixteen year old woman who solicited sex from adult men. She unraveled and before long, she sat lifeless on the stand, watching her perpetrators walk free. Six men walked free and she sat captive.
Frankie sent me an email a few months later saying the year we spent together in youth group was the best year of her life. She said she wasn’t ready to come back to church, but she promised one day would. She would return to the home she loved with people looked beyond her tattoos and dark lipstick and saw the soft, sweet girl within. I never heard from her again.
Today the Los Angeles Times reported that Frankie was murdered, a victim in a homicide case on December 18th, 2011.
Her whole life was summed up in two sentences. Twenty years of life garnished twelve words. The words stung because black letters on the Los Angeles Times made it official. Frankie’s gone.
I have heaps of guilt about what else I could’ve done, should’ve done, would’ve done… but now I can’t. Where I find solace is in the fact that there are others, mothers, sisters, brothers, who are saying, One day I’ll be back. One day I will come around. I won’t accept that answer. I refuse to let that be acceptable.
At our core is the belief we are created for more. More than our pithy lives. More than what the world offers. More than the empty promises of returning to the place God wants us to be.
Because life is more than two sentences, I’m fighting for more.
I’m so sorry Bianca. I can’t even imagine this. (((hugs)))
I love you B.
Thank you for writing this. I know it was probably one of the hardest things you have had to write down. But, thank you… for the reminder that my influence is great, that my words go a long way, that my investment in the lives of the hurt and broken is more than it feels most of the time. I needed this reminder today. Your story, Frankie’s story, is going to change people. It has already changed me and I didn’t even know her.
Prayers are with you and Frankie’s family and friends.
This is impossibly difficult and heartbreaking. I am so sorry, B. Thinking, praying, sending love.
Oh, friend…I’m so sorry.
Heartbreaking.
Keep fighting the good fight and running the race Bianca. Your work is NOT in vain. It’s NOT! God sees what you do and thought I know its hard to find solace in something we can’t see not imagine, HE SEES.
This is truly tragic, and, yes, a reminder to fight more.
I know you are going to fixate on what you think you should have done, I know because I would be the same, but please, read these words and let them just be a small whisper in your heart.
You may not have ‘saved’ her, but you gave her hope and love and acceptance and the freedome to laugh and they are priceless. You gave her friendship at a level she had probably never known. You gave her your time and your care. There is only so much you can do and you went above and beyond. You gave her more than you can ever know. I know your regretting what you didn’t do – but you can’t do it alone. She kept coming back to you for help. You meant something to her. And for good reason. You gave her love. What is greater?
This breaks my heart. Her family is in my prayers B.
I’m sorry mija :'(
I’m so so sorry. God bless you & comfort you.
My heart goes out to you. The injustices that Frankie met do not compare to the light you saw and supported within her. I am sure she knows that.
The only time I’ve ever outright cried reading your blog. So heartbreaking. So very sad. You did all you could. My heart goes out to you.
My heart goes out to you and her family. I have no ideas who this young lady was, however I know that God allowed you to see how beautiful Frankie could be from the inside out. Bianca, your examples of friendship and dedication to others are very well noticed and I want you to know that you have inspired me. I hope that one day I too can help someone see their worth as you did with Frankie, even if she wasn’t able to get out of that life style, she knew she was special to God and to someone else.
I am so sorry Bianca. Sending prayers to you.
So. So. Sorry.
Takes me back 30 years … when my then-fiance and I were Young Life leaders … when one of our students took her own life.
So hard to understand.
So hard to wonder what we coulda, shoulda, done.
So hard to know that we couldn’t reach the deepest hurts in her.
Praying for you today.
Laurel
Yes, I too remember this precious soul. I will see how I can help her mother. Pray for me Bianca!!
Love,
Mom
It is heart breaking to read this. It hurts to read…..and there are so many others, out there, just like her.
When I taught in the inner city, we lost a kindergartner (5yo) to a drive by shooting. Her only mistake, playing in her front yard at the wrong time….
And the tears fall.
Thank you Bianca. Maybe that was exactly what C.Spurgion was trying to tell us
“If sinners be damned, at least let them leap to Hell over our bodies. And if they perish, let them perish with our arms about their knees, imploring them to stay. If Hell must be filled, at least let it be filled in the teeth of our exertions, and let not one go there unwarned and unprayed for.”
John Paul.
I remember her from youth group. I only met her a handful of times. But workin with youth especially some that come from the more hardcore scenes, you always wonder what happens to them after youth group. Breaks my heart to hear this. May God bless and comfort her family. Hopefully this tragedy will be salvation for some her friends and family.
Every life matters. Every single one. 2006 was the best year of Frankie’s life because that’s when she met Jesus. And, you introduced them.
“While God may not cause the rain in our lives, He’s committed to redeeming every drop.” — Holley Gerth (DaySpring cards)
Praying that God will redeem every impact of pain in the lives of Frankie’s family as they mourn the loss of their daughter.
My heart breaks. I am so sorry to read this. God is strength and He remains mighty in battle.
Heartbreaking. So sorry for your loss.
praying…
So sorry to hear this bad news. i never met her but my heart feel for her. my heart hurts to know of what her life was and what other kids are going through that are in her situation. My heart goes out to YOU Bianca. May God give you comfort…
“Take hope. The pain you’re confronting today can be your platform to the greatest impact that you’ll ever have in your life.”
Not sure if you wrote this tweet in light of the experience this blog represents, but I pray the pain you feel in this moment is the source of the ministry you share in days and weeks ahead. I pray you see Frankie’s face when you teach, write, and love.
Scott, I had to email you. This was a dagger to my heart. You reminded me of that tweet and it was sent before I got the news. Thank you for reminding me to live by my words! Merry Christmas.
Bianca, my friend. Thank you for being a friend, no, for being more than that to Frankie. You were a sister she never had. You were her safe place. You made a difference. I know you are hurting and grieving, but I also know you are a woman of hope. The Holy Spirit has put that hope in you to share with the world.
We’ve never met, but when I do I am going to hug you real big and laugh really loud. (Mostly because I don’t know how to hug or laugh any other way.)
Such a heartbreaking thing to hear of what has happened to this young lady. In her short lifetime, she was shown that she was loved and worthy of love….and YOU and your church gave that to her. My thoughts and prayers go out to her, her family and you.
This has touched me in a way I’m not fully aware of yet…but I know it has. Thank you for having the courage to write this.
My heart hurts for you, Frankie, her family and every lost soul. You made a difference in her life, Bianca. God used you to give her a season of joy.
i’m so sorry…
love you. lots.
🙁
Praying for her mom!
It’s so tough to read this, so I pray for you, who has to live this. How amazing that you were able to be a testimony to her of God’s grace and acceptance.
I am so deeply sorry for your loss.
I am so sorry to hear this Bianca. I pray you are comforted by His word today.
Bianca, you are a wonderful person. God keep you in His care so that you may continue being a blessing to everyone as you were to Frankie <3
ohhhh bianca. thank you for sharing. i have no words, but i’m praying.
I am a huge proponent of “God loves everyone” and “Jesus died for everyone who ever lived or will ever live, whether they accept His offer of relationship or not.” That said, I’m also a firm believer in “Vengeance is Mine. I will repay.”
As you walk in forgiveness for those who did this awful thing — because we’re commanded to love our enemies and pray for those who hurt us — always remember that Daddy God *will* hold these men accountable. He will. He promises to do so.
All of Heaven’s best to you and yours,
Margret