The prognosis was bad and the recovery was slim. He put his hand on my shoulder and calmly said, You have Foot-in-Mouth disease. I wanted to fight it, but this meant denying the truth.
I do have chronic Foot-in-Mouth, Internet. I do?! The side effects include:
- diarrhea of the mouth
- vomiting too many opinions
- getting yourself into trouble
I’ve suffered from this syndrome since I was a child. Everything from misinterpreted compliments to inadvertent disses, I’ve covered the bases, folks. I’m not proud of this, but I share this information with you to ensure you never had to deal with embarrassment like I have.
Me at 14: Ugh, I hate the name Marie. Annoying!
Best friend: My middle name is Marie.
****
Me at 15: Why do I have to do this paperwork? I’m a life guard?! She’s totally acting like a boss.
Pool manager: I heard that! And I AM your boss!
****
Me at 17: Congrats! You look beautiful. When are you due?
Church lady: I’m not pregnant.
****
Me at 25: I’m totally available to babysit your granddaughter. She’s beautiful!
Him: Actually, it’s my daughter.
****
Friend in dressing room: I want your opinion. I have two outfits to try on but one makes me look really fat. [exits dressing room in dress].
Me: Hmmm, yeah. That kind of makes you look round.
Friend: This is the outfit that makes me look thin.
****
Me yesterday: Ariana, I love this new compilation CD you’re playing, but this is my least favorite song. Her voice is irritating.
Coworker: This is my best friend singing.
Me: Hang on, let me chew on my other foot.
Please tell me I’m not the only one who has made a fool of myself. Sharing is caring, friends.
As you can tell, I’ve got issues. I bring this up because I value honesty so much that sometimes I lose the filter in which honesty should be vetted. Obviously. All that to say, if you suffer from this illness as well, there is hope. Symptoms and side effects don’t have to ruin our life. Solutions include:
- Thinking before you speak
- Remembering how disgusting your foot tastes
- Taping your mouth shut
- Wearing a muzzle
I’m heading to Girls of Grace tomorrow in Phoenix and I’m debating wearing a muzzle. The three sessions are designed to empower young girls through Christ and my specific session is LOVE FIERCELY. Internet, when I get going on the topic of God’s love and how we should act as His people, it’s ON and POPPIN’! But pray I don’t say anything I shouldn’t, would make my mom blush, or cause me to chew on my foot. Ya know, because I’m so good at that and all. 😉
If you’re in the Phoenix area and know of a young girl who’s life you can invest in, bring her! It’s going to be amazing. Seriously. If you’re not in the area or have no desire to hang out with teen girls, pray for us. Pray that God show up and do His thang like He does. I’m passionate about the next generation and being able to partner with Girls of Grace is nothing short of a party!
On the road to recovery,
Bianca
Notice anything? You can go on ahead and expect a phone call from my mother!
Lol. Hilarious. I’ve totally had symptoms of foot in mouth disease but I’m sure I caught it from someone else!!!
Sadly… As one friend told me “you sometimes say dumb things” I to am missing a filter! BUT I’ve been in recovery and doing quite well, it’s been awhile since I’ve put my size 8’s in my mouth!
Prayin for you and your filter 🙂
LOVE it!! and yes, I’m sure we’ve all felt this way before (and we’ve definitely all walked in similar shoes). Wish I was closer, I would love to meet you and of course, bring my beautiful, 16 year old special needs daughter — who, did I mention, is amazing (most of the time *smiles*)
You are NOT alone!! We all have tasted our nasty feet at one point or another in our lives! I
My daily prayer… Lord filter my heart! Examine my ways… And help me to be all that You desire for me to be!
Like Moni, I too have been in recovery!! Really Really hard, but thank Jesus not impossible!!
Excited for you and praying God uses you in a mighty big way at the Girls of Grace event! Filter included. Traveling mercies!! XOXOXOXO
I’m trying to remember the last time I suffered that disease.. Apparently I also suffer from short term memory loss or selective memory.. LOL!!
Me talking to my Male boss today:
Me: By the way I go to the Dr. to see if I have to have surgery right away to remove the tumor on my stomach.
Boss: ok do what you have to do to feel better:
Me: I’m hoping it can be 2 for 1 and they can do liposuction as well.
Boss: (gave me weird look) Hhhmmm
Soooo I had a horrible one a week and a half ago on twitter. I made a joke that I thought was clearly a joke, and it wasn’t. Honestly, when I reflected on it after the person got REALLY mad, it was offensive. I just didn’t see it as offensive when I said it, and had no idea that this person wouldn’t know I was joking. Sometimes I don’t realize that people can’t tell your tone online, and sometimes I don’t realize that people who don’t know me in person don’t know that I’m probably never going to be purposely mean. It was a huge lesson to me on keeping my mouth shut, and also grace, because the person forgave me instantly when I contacted her privately to clear it up. Whew!