On this episode of Foot In Mouth, our horribly mindless victim will document a growing disease permeating her social life. Watch as our victim makes a fool of her self in a one-week span!
Hello, I’m Bianca. I have foot-in-mouth disease. There isn’t a direct cure to this disease, but preventative muzzles, oral SuperGlue, and the basic think-before-you-speak tips will help me from dying a social death of embarrassment.
- While backstage at Catalyst, one of the foremost leadership conferences for the next generation, I got to interview some amazing leaders and pastors, each hosted by assistants escorting them to interviews, recordings, or main stage platforms. After a lively dialogue with Francis Chan, a middle aged man wearing khaki’s and a polo came into the room and leaned casually against the wall as we finished up our interview.
Wanting to welcome and make him feel comfortable, I extended my hand to introduce myself and asked if he was Francis’ host and tour guide. He shook my hand and said his name of Dan Cathy. I asked the PRESIDENT OF CHICK-FIL-A, entrepreneurial guru, and leadership mogul if he was a tour guide?! Foot. In. Mouth. - While meeting with a church leader about an event I’d be speaking at, she asked some theological questions. To affirm her I wasn’t an insane, Feminazi Pharisee, I jokingly said, Don’t worry, I won’t cry or start screaming on stage like someone from a crazy Christian television network.
To which she replied, Oh how funny, my husband has worked at [insert Christian television station here] for years! Foot. In. Mouth. - While at the gym I ran into someone I hadn’t seen in a while and immediately gave her a hug. Uncharacteristically emo, she gave me a limp, one-arm squeeze and sighed. Cheer up, Charlie, I jokingly said. You look like Sad Sally with that face! What, did your dog die?! It turns out her dog died. Yesterday.
Foot. In. Mouth.
Stay tuned for another episode of Foot In Mouth with your star, Bianca Olthoff!
i had the most success in my life when I just kept my mouth shut and used my eyes to communicate. 😉
Story. of. my. life. I’m thinking sometimes I should just pretend I can’t talk.
Every time I’m at a funeral or visitation and someone in the family asks me how I am, I say, I’m doing great. How about you?
Every time.
Just the other night my Husband said to me…Your name should be… “I know, I know”…as he told me about how I should think before I speak to certain people…. so uhm NO you are NOT the only one! Trust me. In spanish we say…Calladita te vez mas bonita… or… you look prettier when you don’t speak! LOL!! Ahiii.
On Friday, a co-worker asked me for white out. I responded, “I don’t need it, I don’t make mistakes.” Sunday evening rolls around and I realized at 9:45pm that I totally forgot something I had volunteered to help at for work, @6:30pm that day. Needless to say, there was a bottle of white out sitting on my desk waiting for me this morning. . . ugh. sick.
Oh Lord help me! I had one of those Dr. Scholls’s moments yesterday. I went out to lunch with a dear friend, when we got to talking about J-Lo. We both admired her beauty, when I blurted out, “Wouldn’t you rather look like her, than yourself!” Silence. After we realized what I had said, we had a good laugh!
Scenario: (me saying bye to the security guard at my workplace like I always do- and trying to be friendly)
ME: bye sir
HIM: bye
ME: oh, is that your son???
HIM: yeah, well my daughter!
ME: Oh Im sorry I didnt see the rest of your hair- I just saw the “Bieber” cut– (Foot. In. Mouth.)
ME: I didnt mean you have a boy hair cut, you are a very cute girl ( Foot. In. Mouth.)
ME: Im really sorry for the confusion! you are a cute girl (Foot. In. Mouth.)
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I said something bad about my wife and it got back to her. Damaged our marriage. So your slip ups aren’t that bad. 😉
Been there, done that, one to many times. My ex-wife calls it open mouth insert foot….=0
Never, ever ask a woman how many months she is if you are not 100% confirmed that she is pregnant, especially in an elevator. Believe me, that was the longest elevator ride.
My rule of thumb is unless the baby is crowning or she mentions it first, NEVER ask that question! 🙂 I have been trying to instill this in my mother for years without luck….
This past Sunday I met up with 1 of our small group leaders. As we were chatting, she made a funny joke to which I replied in my humor, “You’re soo crazy, bahaha…”, to which she replied in a serious tone, “Are you calling me crazy?”…Big foot in my little mouth need a girl moment disease:)
“Lost in Translation”
Noticed a co-worker i had never worked with before checking his watch.
Me: “got a hot date – some where you need to be?”
Him: “no thanks- no more women for me” Me: “so does that mean you’re content being single, or are you happily divorced?”
Him: ” i’m a widow”
turns out his wife had a stroke and died 3 weeks after giving birth to his daughter.
OMGOSH! felt so bad! God is good – gave me an opportunity to share Jesus with him.
Oh Bianca… Your stories seem glorious and sweet in comparison to my foot in mouth disease. I usually have a BLAH moment when among unbelievers and what ever it is that I say is usually followed by, “And THAT is the Christian!”
Just shared your stories with the hubby and teens. We had a good LOL to start the day. We were laughing “with” you, and not “at” you, of course.
Thanks for the belly laugh.
🙂 🙂 🙂
you are not alone friend!! recovering from a foot in mouth episode as I write this! Makes me feel better already!
I was at a swanky dinner function in Century City……..an annual scholarship dinner for Latinos attended by a lot of Hollywood types. Completely out of my comfort zone! At one point I decide to strike up a conversation with the woman sitting next to me.
ME looking at her business card: “You’re a CUSTOMER? What exactly do you do as CUSTOMER?” (Yes, I said “customer” with added emphasis!)
WOMAN: “No…..I’m a COSTUMER. I handle the wardrobe for the cast of 90201.
FOOT. IN. MOUTH.