The book of James and the studies we’re going through are so serious and booty-kicking that I’m opting to share some totally awesome massive clothing fails this week [insert sarcasm here].
Like really, I can’t stand when people are perpetually serious, perpetually spiritual, or perpetually saying perpetually. It’s annoying. So I have to shake my shoulders out be me… the Godly girl who makes fashion faux pas’ and lives to write about it!
1. I attended Matt’s best friends wedding this weekend and insisted on buying a new dress. I took a picture and emailed it to him to get his thought on whether or not he thought it was modest, hot, and appropriate. MASSIVE FAIL.
Though the collar was high and the length appropriate, there was slits on each side of the dress that I didn’t realize would be noticeable… until I sat down [really, who sits down when trying on dresses?!] and noticed the Spanx I recently bought were exposed. SWEET! I love when that happens. FAIL.
2. Don’t ask my why, but Matt’s boss intimidates me. She’s sharper than a double-edged sword, smarter than Ben Stein, and has a blonde Victoria Beckham haircut. She’s fabulously flawless and I’m sure multitasks in her sleep. Imagine my horror as I walk up stairs into the reception hall and the wind decides to blow. Right then. Right at that moment.
My glorious dress and the sparkly, overdone beading betrayed my secret love affair with tummy-controlling undergarments as the wind whispers in my ear, Hahaha! There was a whole new meaning to the American idiom, spitting in the wind. FAIL.
3. Finally, a big, fat thank you to Kati Smith who swore Spanx were the butter to her biscuit, the sugar in her coffee, and the solve-all to body dysmorphia. During the reception I felt the tummy controlling, non-rolling fabric begin to slowly roll south. I tried desperately to stop breathing to prevent further rolling. Then I casually moved side to side to try to unwind the madness in my midsection, but it appeared as if I was gyrating on my chair. So I stopped. And sat there. With non-rolling elastic fabric wound around my waist. And ate cake. [Don’t judge. You would too!]. FAIL.
Et toi? Do you have any massive FAILS this week? Oh do share! It’ll be fun 🙂 I promise. Perpetually.
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