Brooke Lowther loved this girl. Texas was here.
Expecting to give. Expecting to learn. Expecting to do, be, love.
Expectations set guards and boundaries and safe-zones. But life is full of unexpecteds.
When we are faced with the unexpected, it’s as if a full length mirror of self-realization displays the most ugly parts of who we are. And this proverbial mirror has revealed an image of who I really am. A mess. A hot, stinkin’ mess.
Self-realization is like eating vegetables; you know its good for you, but doing it is difficult.
I wasn’t expecting to be as radically challenged as I have been. Tough questions, long talks, difficult examinations. I feel like Paula Abdul and that lame cartoon cat circa 1990. Yes, I’m taking one step forward, then two steps back.
In my quest of discovering my inner Mother Theresa (loving, giving, self-sacrificing), I’ve seen pockmarks and holes in my character I never knew existed. One a long, dusty road into Nairobi I processed with Matt about life-change. As tears streamed down my face, I tried desperately for find a simple prescription for my long withstanding ills.
I know I have to change. I just don’t know how.
The plight of humanity is being the best version of us we can be. For an over-achieving, control freak I want a happy ending with perfectly structured sentences and neat, tidy endings. But life is full of unexpecteds.
Here’s to more roads of unexpected turns, difficult questions, and a journey worth the fight.
Hakuna Matata…
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