A friend called me the other day and asked if I addressed the issue of online dating on the blog. I believe that relationships are integral parts to our overall well-being so I try to address these topics with regularity. Before I share the re-mixed blog [that’s a fancy way of saying old post], I found this on YouTube and loved it!
Here’s the post I wrote about online dating circa 2010. Happy Friday!
If you’re not careful we’re gonna make a profile for you on an online dating site, the teens in youth group teased and laughed hysterically. As they jested, I made a mental note to myself that online dating is a joke; yes, it’s reserved for those who are truly dateless and desperate.
Further conversations with people in the church solidified my fear of even discussing the possibility of meeting someone through alternative measures. But as I collected research about women in the 21st century, it seemed like more and more data pointed to sad statistics. I wrote an article about it for a Christian publishing house. It was rejected. As was the idea that the Church should even discuss the issue.
But I couldn’t help of meander sites and see normal, real-life people succeeding at meeting viable candidates for holy matrimony. So I did was any normal girl would do. I convinced a friend to do it! Yup, I suckered in a co-worker to sign up.
Hesitant at first, she was SOLD after I regurgitated the statistic that 1 in every 6 couples in 2009 met online and were pathologically compatible based one a number of values and preferences [yes, I sounded like a commercial]. We openly discussed it, set parameters, found good pictures of her, and signed her up. Being the good friend I am, I was with her the entire way collecting data.
Lo and behold, she met Danny only after five weeks of joining an online site. They were married this past March.
So at this point you probably think I’m going to advocate online dating as the new rage and convince every single woman in the American Church to join. But I’m not. In fact, I’m not advocating anything. I simply want to talk about it. Discuss dating openly in a simple, easy, honest way.
Thanks to Jasmine, the story of how I met Matt is out of the bag. I knew at some point it would have to be discussed, but there are a host of fears which come with being vulnerable and honest. But Internet, someone has to speak about this!
As of late, it’s alarming to see the rate of women leaving the church to pursue partnership and love. Statistics show that most 24-36 year olds spend 42% of their day at a computer; the evangelical church is comprised more single women than single men [com’on men!]; the church is remaining silent on instructing men and women how to pursue each other in a Godly way.
Instead of remaining silent or casting stones behind people’s backs, lets discuss concerns, fears, apprehensions, or successes. God is in control of all. Yes, even the internet.
- Fully commit your dating life into the hands of God. He cares about it.
- Invite other people to walk this journey with you.
- Set high standards.
- Don’t compromise.
- Be honest with yourself and about yourself.
- Listen to the insight of others.
Like I said before, I’m not advocating eHarmony. I have waaaaay too many funny stories and reasons why the process is odd [one guy listed his profession as “Keeper of the Night”?!], but the discussion is needed. So jump on it!
Questions? Concerns? Success stories?
B, thanks for sharing on this. We discussed this in the college group at my church, and people were pretty much closed off. I think it needs to be discussed further as it is increasingly becoming a means for “modern match making.” Thanks for your advice!
that video was stinkin hilarious.
Dude, I TOTALLY have done that. I was so embarrassed. Hilar.
I’m just going to raise my hand – no both hands – and say I met my husband on the good ol’ eHarm. 3 weeks, first date, married 9 months later (2010), having a baby in January (2012) (we love us 9-month deadlines I guess 😉 I did write a list of requirements and a cover letter to myself first. Crazy? Well, the fact that I had categories and then lists below those categories is a biiit nuts, I’ll admit it. However, I just need to keep myself accountable and make sure I was not compromising on values I felt were important.
Also, my cousin just married the nicest man that she met on eHarm, too. She got a lot of encouragement from her friends to keep an open mind when she met a dud. And her bff’s may have also set up her online page with her! 🙂 Shhhh!
We both weren’t crazy about dating, period. But, you know what, my husband and I lived 2 miles apart, shopped at the same Vons, and rode our road bikes around the same streets. Online dating kind of gave me that kick in the rear-end to just meet someone nice and take it from there. I’m not saying you HAVE to meet a nice guy this way in this day and age, but I would encourage anyone to keep an open mind 🙂
You met him on eHarmony?! NO WAY! We have so much in common 🙂 PS Your baby shower present will go in the mail this weekend.
Except you are out saving the world 😉 I’m excited to get my present! Thanks!!
I couldn’t resist re-reading your sister’s post with your engagement photos. That was the first time I read her blog and your story is still one of my favorites. So cute!
Oh, how I wish I could decide how I feel about on-line dating! I toss around the idea for a while, but then throw it out. Then I look at all the commercials and think “it could work”, but am reminded of all the crazies out there, and think “no way!” I don’t mind it so much from the aspect of MEETING people, but don’t really agree with it as a way of DATING people. The relationship has to come off the computer screen eventually. And I just don’t know anyone personally who has met anyone on-line that lived in the same city (or even a near-by city). Anyone I know of has conducted 75% of their relationship on the web or phone. And call me old fashioned, but I need face to face time!! I’m torn……
Wow, it’s so interesting that you posted this today. I have been praying about addressing being single in the church on my blog. (It’s also funny because I watched the same YouTube video this afternoon with the comedian). I’ve been reluctant but I feel like it’s something God has put on my heart for the new year. Obviously with discussing singleness, dating comes along with it, so this is a great resource. I look forward to what people will be posting. I know that people’s responses will be helpful as I continue to pray about this topic in my own writing! Thank you (and blessings to you, Bianca, as you’re in Africa!).
Thanks for this post! Love it. I used to be pretty critical of online dating (for no reason other than we Christians love to criticize any and errrrbody), but one of my really good friends took a stab at it and really enjoyed it! Since then, I’ve known a handful of people who have begun using it. I’m not going to lie and say I’d jump on it tomorrow, bc I wouldn’t. But, if, like you, I was given a CC and told to do so, I would probably drag my feet and give it a try. As my boy J. Bieber would say, “Never say never…” 😉
When I was 26, I tried eHarmony. I went on a few awkward dates (with the same guy) before I realized that I just don’t feel like I can be comfortable and *myself* if I’m dating a guy I wasn’t friends with in “real life” first. I believe we both breathed a sigh of relief when we decided to stop seeing each other. I ended up marrying a guy who was at first a friend from my law school. Do I regret trying eHarmony? No way! If I hadn’t tried it, I wouldn’t have learned some very valuable information about myself.
Great insight, Robyn! And I’m glad you realized what you wanted and didn’t want! Congrats 🙂
My pastor in D.C. has a saying “allow God to be as unique with others as He is with you.” I think this applies to dating and marriage. God is an author and the story He writes is our lives. I think there are so MANY different ways in which God can bring two people together and I think it would be foolish to discount any thing or any method which He uses to do so. If God could confirm that Rebekah was to be Isaac’s wife because she gave his servant’s camels some water, than He can use ANYTHING to bring two people in to union.