Dear Kim,
No rocks will be thrown, no scarlet letters worn. Simply—in it’s truest form—my condolences for the death of your marriage. The rumors, opinions, comments, and commentaries must be difficult to reconcile and endure. Marriage is hard, but I’m sure a public divorce is harder. The reality that is reality television is edited scenes, cropped shots, and plot developments. Add a marriage into the mix it combines into a Molotov cocktail of disaster.
But here’s the real reality: marriage is hard. It’s not getting your way all the time. It’s doing what someone else wants to do. It’s compromising on what to do, how to plan, and where to live.* At the core of it all, it’s a slow death of the human triumvirate: me, myself, and I to birth and become we, ourselves, and us. Together. Forever.
For richer or poorer, for better or worse...
72 days can’t turn a seedling into a flower, let alone a relationship into a marriage. The irreconcilable difference stated on your divorce filing perhaps are premature because believe you me, Matthew and I have irreconcilable differences even today and probably will remain until the day of my dying breath. But it’s normal and expected and common. I stay because I hold onto the fact that love covers a multitude of mistakes.
Matt balances our budget daily; I have no clue what a budget is. Matt could wear jeans and t-shirts every.single.day; I came out of the womb in heels. Matt is a German Minnesota fully in control of his environment; I’m a spicy MexiRican who dances in the kitchen and cried while watching you state your vows to the man you are married with today… while I was at the gym?!
You’re going to do what you’re going to do amidst the cacophony of people calling you names, condemning you, or lauding you. But my concern isn’t your past as much as it is your future. The divorce isn’t your problem more than the recovery from the explosion left in it’s wake is. Critics say your personal assistants and family will help you pick up the shards of debris and you will move on, leaving your image untarnished. But the real concern is what are you going to learn about yourself in this process and how will you deal with marriage and relationships in the future.
The bible states that a man marrying a woman should care for her the way Christ cares and loves the Church: unconditionally. But I’ve appropriated that command for myself too. If both of us come to a mutual death to ourselves with the hope of resurrecting into a cohesive unit, then so be it. But a marriage will cease to bourgeon if left uncared for or abandoned.
I hope and pray there are people out there who are praying for you during this transition… for your past, your present, and most importantly, your future.
Warmly,
Bianca
*If the rumors are true, my husband is also from Minnesota and I completely understand your reservations about moving into a Minneapolis winter.
Beautiful. As are you.
Love this.
well said!
I feel like her life is a constant battle between morals and materialism. What a crazy life. Pray for her forsures.
Ps. Last sentence is the best part.
I can honestly say that this situation grieves me. It’s not just the situation itself, but the fact that it’s the picture of the world’s view on marriage. I have been married for 27+ years and like you Bianca, we’ve had our share of highs and lows, topped with irreconcilable differences. How could you not? I mean, marriage is the blending of two lives, two mindsets, two upbringings, two sets of emotions, opinions, likes, and dislikes, in essence the perfect recipe for more than one “difference”. To sound cliche, marriage is about sacrifice and compromise, but especially about putting the Lord first, shutting out the world, and creating a bond so strong that it cannot be broken. Sadly, 72 days doesn’t even offer the marriage a fighting chance. It’s simply quitting because the road is rough, which is easy, the hard part is staying no matter what heartaches or heart breaks come along.
love this!
I love this! Thank you for showing her Christ’s love just when she needs it the most!
hit.the.nail.on.the.head!
I agree with everything that you’ve said however I scold her because as a single mother who is waiting for Mr. Right (whom I believe I have and have been dating for a year and a half proudly) I think it’s sad that she’d do that. He loves her, you can tell. Reality TV or not will never change the love you have for someone, if it’s legit. For her to divorce him for the reasons stated is silly and sadly the sanctity of marriage is dying as a lot of the morals in this country. HOWEVER, I will be one of the ones who keeps my “fantasies and dreams” if you will, alive. I believe that true love is something worth fighting for! Love this blog and glad I found it. *favorite*
I am sorry but I feel a bit critical about this whole marriage/divorce Kim Kardashian saga. 72 days! Give me a break! I can totally relate to irreconcilable differences cause my hubby and I have them daily but we are comitted to God and each other. I am grieved about this because so many young women look up to her and want to be her so the messages that whole family send out are twisted, worldly and I can’t stand their show! Sorry B. I am not feeling it.
Well said. Marriage is something two must work at every single day. At the end of the day I can honestly say I really see the blessings of the Lord pouring down on us and that brings me closer to my wonderful husband.
so well said. you said everything i would want to say to her or someone else in the same situation. there are so many times in marriage that things are hard, it’s so much work. but so worth it.
I have always admired and respected your words. However, I do question this one. Anyway, I am not going to throw stones as well but here’s hoping that you wrote this blog entry to teach other people and not for Kim alone. Because if it is the latter, it actually comes in late as this is (was) already her second marriage (for crying out loud). I guess I don’t get the blog post. Maybe some other people who like her do.
You are so much nicer than me. But, you probably know that already 😉 I just rolled my eyes when I heard the news. The most I’ve ever seen of the wedding is flipping through a magazine while checking out at the grocery store. Still, I love what you have to say about marriage 🙂
Honestly, I really hope no one is praying for Kim. The people we should be praying for is all those families who are struggling to make ends meet with all the financial problems this economy has brought upon them. I’m positive that even with financial hardship many marriages still work hard to stay together. Listen, if Kim’s Mom/Manager/Madame doesn’t care about her daughters emotional, past, present and future why should we. I don’t know about you Bianca, but when my husband and I decided to get married we saved money for our wedding and trust me it wasn’t a 2 million dollar wedding and sadly we didn’t make 15 million in return. So yeah, I don’t think I’ll be praying for Kim any time soon. What upsets me is that she discredited the sanctity of marriage. Just my opinion!
Maria, even though I understand that you prefer to pray for people struggling with financial hardship (myself among them), I felt stung by your statement that you “really hope no one is praying for Kim.” I believe that no one deserves to be discounted in that way, regardless of financial/social status. At the end of the day, we are all emotional beings who need the presence of God in our lives. If it is true that her “Mom/Manager/Madame” doesn’t care for Kim’s well-being, then she needs prayer all the more.
No one person “deserves” prayer over another. Truth be told, none of us “deserve” the prayer of others or even the ability to pray to the God of the Universe, and yet because of His Grace, we can. In all honesty, Kim K and family probably need our prayer MORE than a family struggling financially who know the love of Christ. I challenge you to take a moment to pray for Kim, I think you’ll find it worthwhile.
God didn’t pick and choose who He saved when He sent us Jesus. He saved us all.
I already loved you B, you are such a strong Christian women, but I love you even more for posting this! I agree 100%! Thank you! I’m praying for Kim as well. Especially for her future. Blessings to you! 🙂
This was beautiful Bianca. In honesty, I hope she reads this…because I think it is truth she needs in her life instead of her publicists whispering in her ears all the time. I admit I completely rolled my eyes and laughed when I heard she filed for divorce after 72 days.
But this post, lovingly convicted me. Thank you.
I guess that’s why Paul said better to remaim as he is because you will have much tribulation in marriage. That being said nobody should really be looking for celebrities to be role models. Young women need to look at the older women in the church as role models but I guess that isn’t trendy enough
Nicely said Bianca. Let’s pray for Kim…ultimately she needs to be found by Christ and I hope this may lead her to Him.
I’d like to know if there’s anyway we cld all jointly boycott the Kardashian shows and businesses! That way, they’d lose n evaporate like the morning dew when the sun comes out. Besides, I need a Kardashian blocker on my computers. Somebody heeeeeeeeeeelp!
the Bible say’s that he’s not willing that any perish, and that includes the rich and famous…there’s no sin greater than another…we have all sinned period!
but there is redemption for all who call upon the name of the Lord! including Kim K. so we must pray..it is commanded by God! Luke 18:1 we should be concerned for the lost. because in the end all that fame, money, and materialism will burn.
Great post!
After 29 years of marriage, my husband and I still have “irreconcilable differences”. But, we also have COMMITMENT … something sadly missing in many of today’s young marriages.
I, too, am very sad for the example this sets.
As for Minnesota … my daughter moved to northern MN last WINTER …. only because of the love of her life. She wouldnt be there for any other reason, but LOVE is reason enough.
Mama D. 🙂
Thank you. Well said.
Well said. Thank You.
…..You have said it all,its quite painful that this marriage is off but my question remains,what exactly did they see in each other before they got married and does kim really want the marriage to work?..Could have tried moving closer to God.
You have said it all but really where are people putting God in their marriages,homes and lives.
hmmm.. not too sure how to feel about this one. I definitely think Kim needs prayer, but she wasn’t the only one hurt in this situation. My heart hurts for her husband who was caught off guard & really wants to work on whatever is wrong. Not going to judge the situation but I do have a bit more compassion for Kris rather than Kim…
I debated with myself whether or not i was going to leave a comment, but i guess i’m doing it. I kind of stumbled onto your blog (ok, that didn’t sound like creeper status at all). Anyways, it’s good. I’m hooked. But this post really got me… I’m about to quote you for a second, “Matthew and I have irreconcilable differences even today and probably will remain until the day of my dying breath.”… Gah. That statement. The stuff about Kim is good but it’s the marriage stuff that really made me think.
It’s weird because i go to a Christian college in southern california, so i’ve heard countless chapels, sermons, and studies done on biblical marriage. i’ve had it shoved down my throat. So much so that it kind of becomes this expectation for graduation, to walk across the stage with a ring on your finger. But what they don’t tell you is how terrifying that actually is. What if i don’t want to be graduating this may with a degree and a fiancé? What if i have taken classes on marriage, listened attentively to the chapels, and read the books but i’m still afraid? What if after all that, i still haven’t personally seen a biblical marriage modeled out for me? What if i’m afraid of commitment because of that? What if we have irreconcilable differences… forever?
Those are a few of the “What ifs…” i had before i read your blog. Now, the “what if’s” aren’t gone (THAT would be a miracle), but that statement you made, the one i quoted you on, i don’t think i’ve ever heard it like that. And i don’t think it’s ever made more sense then it does after reading this blog post on Kim Kardashian. I don’t know if it’s in your gifting for words or your authentic honesty, but the picture you painted is one i can understand. i get it. it’s relevant to a 22 yr. old college student.
So thanks. Thanks for being relevant. Thanks for helping to align my view of marriage to be less of what the world says and more of what Jesus said.