I have an open mind, open heart, and open mouth when it comes to new things. I also believe you should always give something a second shot. Whether it’s trying a new dish or trying on a new shoe, give it another go-around.

However, my post-modern, free-loving, open-minded self died on Sunday. I’ve mentioned my relationship with Spanx before and have not used them since that one time, but since I’m a girl of second chances, I packed them in my luggage as I flew to Charleston, South Carolina. I had to attend a fundraiser for work and knew that wearing a LBD* when I’m feeling like a LBP* was going to be tough. Spanx is basically like sausage casing for humans and it seemed like something I should do.

Wrong choice, Bianca. Wrong choice.

I got into my SaranWrap body shaper like I was in a girl fight: pulling, pushing, and slapping when necessary. Once stuffed, I slipped on my dress, sucked in my gut, and slipped on my heels. However, I forgot one minor details. The weather.

This California girl had NO clue what humidity can do to someone wrapped in corset-like latex. I survived making it to the air-conditioned venue and thought all would be fine. However, the event was successful. And by successful I mean we were packed to capacity. And when a room in South is full of people, ain’t no way an air-conditioner can cool anything down!

Picture a sauna on your body from your thighs to your bra and you’ll have a realistic picture of what I was experienced. I melted… ever… so… graciously. Because, you know, I’m in the South and need to act like a lady. Well, let’s clarify, I acted like a lady until I made it to my hotel room and peeled Spanx off of my body. Lord have mercy, I had things fall out of places and drop down that I didn’t know I had?! But I was FREE! And I could BREATHE! And I didn’t CARE!

I didn’t eat at the event because I was nervous I might bust of out my Spanx, but my roommate and I made a fabulous meal out of granola bars, popcorn, and fruit on our hotel room desk. And it was awesome because I was free, I could breathe, and I didn’t care.

Speaking of free, I have some gift cards to give away! Last week I asked for people to submit the story of their life in whatever way they felt aptly described who they were. I loved the response! Some emailed me pictures or poems, others left micro stories on the blog. Though I loved reading every response and email submission, I only can only pick two winners. 🙁 Thanks to Melissa Sesma and Kobe Juarez [not his real name] for their wonderful [or sarcastic] responses. I’ll email you for your addresses today! 🙂

In alignment with being free and breathing, I have to followup with my cyber friends and let you know that I appreciated your prayers so very much regarding my lost wedding ring. Unfortunately, after many attempts and searches, we had to file it as lost. The good news is that my brilliant husband had taken out insurance on my ring, so I was able to breathe a sigh of relief when I slipped on a new wedding ring.

I know this post was incredibly random, but I’m free, breathing, and… that’s right, I don’t care! 😉

Free, breathing, and not caring,
B

*LBD: Little Black Dress
*LBP: Little Brown Porker

14 Comments

Suzanne on at

Yay Mel!

(didn’t I tell you she was wonderful, B?!)
- bianca on at
  
  You BOTH are! I loved meeting you guys 🙂
Brittany barger on at

Hahahahaha! Thanks for the heads up, but sorry you had to be the “guinea pig” for spanx. & glad you were able to get a new ring:)
- bianca on at
  
  Spanx=Devil! 😉
Carrie K on at

Thank goodness for insurance!! Glad you have some bling back. 🙂
- bianca on at
  
  Thanks, Carrie! You’re prayers and thoughts mean the world to me…
mel on at

i feel famous again! woohoo! 🙂 boo on the lost ring, but yay on the new one! so yay! 🙂
- bianca on at
  
  Ahhhhh yeeeeeahhhh boi! Send me your address 🙂
Lindsay on at

LBP… lol!!
So happy you were able to get a new ring (even though I’m sure the sentimental value was most important)…but lucky you have a smart hubby!
Jasmine Star on at

LBP…that’s my new nickname for you! 🙂
Ashley on at

Your Spanx experience had me laughing so hard I was in tears! Thanks for livening up my day!
Anna on at

That was hilarious because it’s soooo true!! Spanx doesn’t provide the miracle I expect. You’re right about feeling like a LBP hahaha!! They always make me feel like a stuffed tamale :/ My funny memory of my first spanx is when I returned them to Nordstroms and told the fancy saleswoman I was returning them because they had a “hole”. I seriously didn’t know that was intentional. What do I know LOL
Mama D.s Dozen on at

Oh that spanx. Bought some to wear as the mother-of-the bride and mother-of-the-groom last summer. Yes … SUMMER … in the HEAT … and could barely peal it off me at the end of the day. Yuck!

Sorry about the lost ring, but so glad that it was insured.

Mama D. 🙂
- bianca on at
  
  Oh Mama D, you have NO clue how relieved I was. It was so traumatic. It’s just material items but still. 😉
  
  And YES, Spanx spanked me silly!
  
  Hope you’re well. You and your dozen. 😉