What does it mean to be known? Like, really known. I can tell you that I’m Hispanic and like almond butter, but would you know me?
I’m a twin and according to my parents, my sister and I had a language that only we knew. We spoke in jibberish and she would say something and I would say something and we’d cackle together and laugh. They recorded it in 1983 on a cassette tape that resurfaced recently. It sounded like we were speaking only to each other, as if we could read each other’s thoughts and finish each other’s sentences.
Is that being truly known?
A couple years ago the blockbuster hit Avatar hit the screen and I’ll never forget the most beautiful scene where Neytiri [the blue girl alien] holds her hand to Jake [the boy blue alien], face-to-face, eye-to-eye and says, “I see you.” It’s a scene that displays a deep understanding of the personal world of the other person.
- It’s God and Adam in the Garden of Eden.
- It’s David and Jonathon living out a true friendship.
- It’s Ruth and Naomi on a hot, dusty desert road.
Each one of these characters had a moment of pain, a moment of broken peace, a shattering of Shalom. For Adam it was hiding the sin that he partook in, the hiding of his true sinful nature. For David it was the confession that he was being hunted by his best friend’s father. For Naomi it was the breakdown to her two daughter-in-laws on the road from Moab to Bethlehem, the house of bread, that she had nothing.
- She didn’t have a husband.
- She didn’t have sons.
- She didn’t have money.
- She was broken and destitute and poor
It’s in the confession of her pain and brokenness that her heart is revealed. Orpah, her daughter-in-law, choses to leave, but Ruth stays. In the ugliness, in the uncertainty, in the tension, she stays.
Vulnerability isn’t just a word we can say, it has to be lived. But sometimes the buzz words vulnerable and transparent are used with a certain aspect of tidbits of our edited life to keep people at bay and seem as if we are transparent. But if we don’t willingly sit in the tension of pain—if we don’t own the brokenness in our life—we will never be available to be truly known.
The fear and uncertainty of being known keep us from admitting that like Jacob, we walk with a limp. We hide our true selves, like Jonah who tried hiding the calling and commission given to him by Christ.
In fear, we begin to ask ourselves the famous questions:
- What is going to be asked of us?
- What will others think?
- What if I fail?
- What if I’m rejected?
I’m painfully walking this out right now. You allow yourself to be known. You allow someone to come in and know your shortcomings. You trust people. You want to share your secrets and fears and speak jibberish to read each other’s thoughts and finish each other’s sentences.
But I feel rejected and embarrassed and unknown by people who I trusted.
Being known is our greatest desire and deepest fear. But being known takes risk. Are we as a people willing to reach deep down and wrestle with the honest place we are in? Can we still hold on to faith, hope and love, when all we see is doubt, failure, and rejection?
We can speak Christianese and hide behind Christian colloquialism, but nothing can bypass the labor of pain. When there is brokenness, failure, and pain, we don’t want silence, darkness, or trauma.
To deal with this pain, we cling to creating our own shalom, our own peace. We self medicate with food, false realities like social media, illicit relationships, to create the shalom in our life that has been broken. Death of dreams, death of aspirations, death of a relationship, death of a loved one, can cause us to isolate and withdraw from community.
Don’t give the enemy a stronghold in your life.
Deal with your pain. Willingly enter into your story. If we don’t deal with our pain we will never be available to be known.
When Naomi [sweet, pleasant] had her breakdown in the desert, and even when she claimed to be Mara [bitter], she sat in her pain and owned it. In the silence, in the pain, in the trauma, she vulnerably shared who she honestly was.
In the midst of her breakdown, she is able to still live out the calling placed on her life to connect Ruth with Boaz, not only their kinsman redeemer, but also the great-great-grandfather to the Lord Jesus Christ.
Why? The willingness to be known awakens calling to be used.
And once you’ve allowed yourself to be known, you have the ability to speak jibberish, to grab someone’s hand, look at them face-to-face, eye-to-eye and say, I see you.
You are known.
I love you. (even though you have me on the verge of tears).
And I want to see that video!
Pray for me. I love you. I’m not sure it’ll be recorded, but if so I’ll send you a copy. Also, I cut out like a massive theological point that brings it all together. I just didn’t want this post to be uber long!
The video with you and Jasmine!
And, I think this post makes sense – I’m sure you made the right decision. You know I have faith in you in this and in most other things!
Great piece. Loved this part!
“Deal with your pain. Willingly enter into your story. If we don’t deal with our pain we will never be available to be known”.
We are always told this in many different waya. Love yourself then others will love you, etc. But that paragraph there sums it up.
I’m going to use this as my status for the day and put that in the wall in my office. Thanks.
Right there with ya, Sister!!! Thank you for making yourself KNOWN! Blessings!
Wow! This speaks to me on so many levels! Perfect words for where I am right now!
Thank you for this wonderful post!
I just finished Daring Greatly by Brene Brown and then just after that sat through a coaching session where my coach and I talked about authenticity and vulnerability. It’s a topic that keeps showing up. And the more I try to live it, the more I read and see about it. To me it’s just a reminder that, hey, this is right. It’s really hard, but keep going. It’s going to be so worth it.
Hi bianca….I don’t know you but will be and have been praying for you.
your sister in Christ in the east coast….so love this post! Ministered to me.
Nayi
Bianca your posts are so good.I could totally identify with it
I always used to think that if I was perfect,good enough,had full confidence,and was the best I could, I could only face the world!In fact it did not turn so!Perfection does not exist,and I discovered it in the pit of vulnerability.It was not until I made myself vulnerable that I discovered real happiness!
This is so good!
“The willingness to be known awakens calling to be used.”
“In the midst of her breakdown, she is able to still live out the calling placed on her life…”
This just hit me in the gut! To be vulnerable— to be called— to be known is what I run to AND from regularly. I find it easier to surrender as I accept that it’s not about me and more about the work I am called to do. I find that the more vulnerable I become, the more healing I experience.
Thanks for this…
Wow — I was really ministered to by this post
and Nakeia took some words right out of my mouth
this is what I needed to hear today!
Thank you Bianca
Thank you for sharing! And yes, we all love @Nakeia 🙂
Nakeia said clearly what I was thinking ..”To be vulnerable— to be called— to be known is what I run to AND from regularly.”
Bianca,
I was so blessed by my conversation with you at the lab. And you spoke to the depths of my heart as you shared. Thank you for pouring yourself out.
With gratitude,
HIS
karen
Love this Bianca!! Just what I needed to read! Knowing pain and also having the desire to be known and to honestly be transparent– right where I am! Thank you for sharing this!
You’re so welcome! I’m glad we can share where we are in full honesty. XO