Relationships are hard to navigate. Whether it’s men or women or bosses or superstars you have a crush on, there isn’t a manual per se on how be—well, be normal. Are you an over-sharer? Do you stand in the corner and stare at people at parties until someone approaches you? Do you put headphone ear buds in your ears and pretend your rocking out so no one talks to you? Do you encroach on the stranger-danger personal space, roughly six inches from the face of the person you’ve just met?

Sadly, I’ve done all of the above. Which further solidifies my fear of being schizophrenic. Me and all my personalities would like to say we appreciate you being our friend. But I digress.

Jesus didn’t have this problem, I guess. He just went up to people and said, Follow me. Yeah, let’s leave that phrase for Jesus only because if someone came up to me and said leave your job, family, and home to follow him, my response would be, Child please! I’m already following a crazy Nazarene, ain’t nobody got time to follow you too. And if you try doing that on social media these days, people would think you’re crazy… or annoying… or both.

The internet hasn’t made the problem go away. Online friends are easy, fun, and low-maintenance, but is that the new definition of friendship? If we follow a biblical paradigm for friendship and community, relationships cost something. Time must be spent to build trust, trust must be given to grow roots to stabilize, and roots needs space to grow deep. All of which takes time, space, patience, and investment. Yes, it costs us something.

In a recent podcast recording with Christine, we discussed how relationships should make you a better person and spur you on to the purpose God created for you. If they don’t, perhaps it’s time to let go of those relationships. It’s an intuitive concept, but it wasn’t until there was language around it that I realized the importance of healthy breakups.

C.S. Lewis once said* that friendships don’t have survival value, but do add value to survival. In my book, good ol’ C.S. can do no wrong… except in this thought. In context, I get what he’s saying, but in reality it’s not true. We need community. We were created for community, in community. Hello? The trinity! Adam getting Eve! Jesus and the disciples! You and me on the Interwebs!

Proverbs says, Like iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. From Ruth and Naomi to David and Jonathan, we see time, space, patience, and investment as key elements to successful relationships. Why? Because relationship cost us something. 

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For more on the topic of relationships, you can check out the podcast I recorded with Christine Caine, HERE.

Also, since we’re talking about relationships, I’ll be with some new friends in Phoenix tonight at PHX 1 for their city-wide gathering of 20 and 30 somethings for worship with Aaron Niequist from A New Liturgy and a bible study with yours truly. If you’re in the area, I’d love to say! If I stand in the corner and stare at you or crowd your personal space, just ignore me. Remember: There’s no manual on how to be normal in social settings. 😉 Hope to see you there!

*C.S. Lewis: “Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.”