I love the diversity of voices that speak truth into the world. As we’ve been discussing relationships and dating this week, I think it’s important to have a different voice speak into this. I asked my friend Jared to write a blog from a pastoral perspective about relationships and what he sees within the next generation.
If you follow him on Twitter or check out his blog, you’ll discover he’s one bright guy. Stay connected with him for more info on really smart stuff!
The Tragedy of Relationships
“Describe for me what it feels like to be a 19-year old single girl in college,” I inquired of my interns.
“Most of the time people think that if you are single you are lonely or maybe something is wrong with you,” they explained. Their response was quite the opposite of the playboy lifestyle most guys assume singleness equates to.
I recently spoke to some single college-age students about this topic. We spent time looking at 1 Corinthians 7, which I encourage you to read because Paul makes an interesting case not for marriage or singleness, but for undivided devotion to God. Despite what you may believe, the Bible affirms our sexual nature because that is the way we were created. We cannot dismiss our sexual desires as wrong, but they must be put in their proper place. Love cannot exist within the sexual limitations defined by our culture.
My assumption is that most people still desire marriage. But we must learn to be single before we can be married.
Galatians 5 admonishes us to stand firm and experience the freedom that was achieved for us on the cross. The work for us is not to gain freedom, but to war against the constant allure of slavery. As history has proven, a slave cannot choose to no longer be a slave. For those of us struggling with addiction, have found ourselves in a painful relationship, or have built up unrealistic expectations for marriage, find a community that can help you embrace the freedom that is freely available.
The turning point in Paul’s letter to the Corinthians happens in verse 17, “each person should live as a believer in whatever situation the Lord has assigned to them, just as God has call them.” Single, married, dating, divorced, widowed – you are where God has assigned you and that is a place of freedom, not captivity!
Where are you buying into the lies of our culture regarding love and relationships?
Where have you placed too much pressure or unrealistic expectations on dating?
How are you seeking undivided devotion to God in the place you are now?
I truly believe that who you are as a Jesus-follower matters so much more than your relationship status. Are you willing to explore the possibility that sex, marriage, or relationships are not the point of your life? While those are good things, as followers of Jesus we are called to partner with the constant work of God in the world. And for us that must begin by rewriting the tragic story being written today.
Amen, brother Jared.
After living in the “world” for so long it took me a long time to open my eyes and realize that despite what we are bombarded with in the media, the goal isn’t to catch a man or have endless one night stands. Thank you for your wise words.
Wow – so challenging. Thanks for sharing Jared!
As someone who got married at 20, this isn’t something I spent a lot of time thinking about. Now I have teen daughters and work with the youth at our church. I am heartbroken at the immense value these 13 year old girls place on having a boyfriend. I am floored about the number of parents in the church who find it cute and almost promote dating as early as middle school. It has really had me thinking about what God’s plan is for dating. I wish more people would talk about it like this- not condemning, but compassionately.
Good message! I have two daughters that I am very concerned about. I think that many of the youth groups are too concerned with being “relevant” and not with being biblical. It seems like many of thyem are using the world to attract our youth. Couple that with the media promotion of promiscuity and single parents (which I am one) having to work all day thereby creating latch key kid generation and you have the ingredients of a youth crisis. I just pray that our children can emerge from their teen years with minimal damage to their spirits. My son just became born again and baptized so now my prayer efforts are for my daughters. As a father I feel that there is only so much I can do for them emotionally as I feel they really need female mentors who are Godly. I am currently praying for a church fellowship to attend. I know that it starts at home but I have given my children everything that I could.
“you are where God has assigned you and that is a place of freedom, not captivity!”
I am married with no children wondering, what is wrong with me. The past two years i have been held captive to these horrible thoughts but thank you so much for reminding me of my place of freedom in Christ.
I am grateful to hear this discussion. As a new Christian, I was asked in my membership interview for my church to consider the marriage covenant and to try to honor it by not engaging in sex outside of marriage. I responded — after my initial shock — what, people still believe in that these days?? — I responded by saying that I don’t know if God is asking me to not have pre marital sex, but if he is, it’s actually a very small thing compared to all that God has done for me. Months later and I am still going on the assumption that God is in fact asking this of me. I wish there were a forum for Christians, young and older (I am 46) to be able to discuss this online. I am thinking of starting a blog or site for this sort of thing. I don’t know if that would be helpful, though. I do know that God is making me stronger. I’m not as overwhelmed. And I feel as if something has been added, not taken away.
In my current heartbroken state I have been daydreaming about my future husband, and wanting to become a Godly wife for him someday. But God has been showing me that my motives are all wrong. I shouldn’t seek the Lord to become a Godly wife someday! I should seek the Lord because he died so that I could live, because he is perfect and loving and all powerful and all knowing and never changes and all of these amazing things- and he died just so I could have a relationship with him. If I am not satisfied in the Lord now, why would I be satisfied with a husband? Even if I never get married, I know that God is enough, my salvation is enough, and my life is His- it’s not about me!