It look me by surprise. When I read the comment, the words stung deep. I’ve been called many things growing up, but heretic was a first.
[Rewind]
I’ve never been to seminary nor do I have a Masters of Divinity, but I enjoy taking a look at culture and the bible and answering questions that arise based upon biblical precepts.* When the blog started, I made it a point to video blog weekly about topics or questions people had about life, theology, and the bible. At first, no one watched. But slowly people began commenting on the videos and chiming in with their opinion.
Knowing my answers would not be well-received by the masses, I prepared myself for the worse. Until the worse happened and I was left heart broken.
YouTube comment from a vlog subscriber:
How can you call yourself a Christian?? You are feeding people lies and not sharing the truth of God. Your not a bible teacher, your a fat, ugly, heretic who needs to be shut down.!
Moving past the grammatical errors and improper punctuation, I was left with caustic words and emotional vitriol. I have been called fat. I have been called ugly. But never—ever—have I been called a heretic. And that right there? Oh it crushed me.
I had nothing to defend myself. No degree or theological dissertation or seminary stamp-of-approval. I could see why he would make such remarks, but it was a three-minute video answering a simple question. Context was missing! The scope of my theology was absent! It wasn’t intended to be a dissertation! I simply was asked common cultural question and addressed it from a biblical stance.
I was infuriated. Then I was sad. Then I cried. Then I called Matt. Then I wanted cookies and a dark closet to drown my sorrows in. [Some people abuse alcohol but I prefer carbohydrates ;)]
What if I was a heretic? What if I was causing people to stumble? What if, what if, what if? I stopped vlogging after that. My intent has always been to draw people to a deeper understanding of who God is and why His laws are in place. Teetering on the conservative side of the theological scale, I would have never thought I was capable of heresy.
I quit my role as YouTube’s Fat Ugly Heretic and stopped posting Friday vlogs. The end. Finito. Auf Weirderschen.
[Fast forward] I received this email last week:
I watched all your videos and I don’t even know how I found your channel. I’m an atheist and I have to say, as someone who has no belief, I was taken back how you used scripture to defend your points. You were balanced and (if I do say so myself) very articulate in defending your doctrine while weaving it together with questions about culture.
I don’t give out compliments very often and I don’t believe in God, but I wanted to tell you I really liked your videos and would like to see more.
Friends, I died. No really, I died and went to nerd heaven. I never set out to post videos to try to be John Piper or Tim Keller or Francis Chan. I just wanted to chat about real life issues and give perspective from a biblical view. The fact that someone of no faith listened and was interested in hearing more has made this journey worth it.
I don’t want to be swayed by comments [like quitting and starting again], but I do want to stay committed to why I started blogging in the first place: chronicle the revolutionary journey of loving God and loving people.
If you have any questions about life, culture, dating, love, or why peanut butter is the greatest thing in the world, feel free to ask. I’m not a theologian, but I passionately love God and His word. So, bring it on!
[*If there is a seminary out there that would love to sponsor me as a candidate for a Masters of Divinity, I will gladly sell my left ovary or bequeath you my brain for research. BIOLA or Fuller, what do you say?]
Because when I have a genuine problem with someone that is totally backed up and valid and can’t be argued with or called into question, I feel the need to attack (wrongly) their appearance too. Without that attack the genuine problem just wouldn’t be taken seriously. What mature person questions a persons motives without bringing their appearance into it, I mean seriously? Have you ever seen someone say what Hitler did was wrong without backing it up with how ridiculous his moustache was? (Something tells me this is the place to stop)
If he is the reason you stopped video blogging, send the grammar police onto him (that would be me, obv!)
What, no corrections today? Wow, I’m on a roll! Happy Monday, my British friend!
It’s almost like you don’t need me.
This post made me sad, than made me ubbbbbber happy! hahaha! Haters are gonna hate Bianca! People are always gonna have something to say, but it’s those simple and kind words (the 2nd email) that remind us WHY we do what we do and keeps you going.Yes, you may not be a theologian but you love God and love His people PASSIONATELY, regardless of where they stand in life. You said it yourself in that Inspiration in a big blue chair video (YES, I totally remembered this line) that people would rather follow a person who is AUTHENTIC. Keep being real, let haters talk, and go treat yourself to some chocolate! 😉
Sending you lots of love!
Anneliese 🙂
“unschooled, ordinary men….” Those are the men who revolutionized the world by first bringing the gospel to it. Jesus didn’t send them to seminary first- He was their seminary. And He didn’t tell them to waste time– He told them to simply, “Go!” You are a bold voice for Christ in a beautiful package. Don’t let the critics shut you down- you’re a voice worth listening to.
Amen!
The whole time I was reading this I kept thinking of the Apostles in Acts who confounded everyone… being that they were unschooled and all. 🙂
Well said Beth.
Bianca don’t let the enemy get you down girl. We love you and so does God! I for one love your vlogs. Hope you bring them back.
Wow! I wondered why you’d stopped doing the videos but I thought it was because you were too busy … not because of some ( i will leave out the un-Christian terms here) said those terrible things to you. I’m glad you’ve decided to start doing them again! 😉 xo
Chills…
BB, that gentleman was wrong. He clearly had an axe to grind and he figured you would be the right person to grind it on. Don’t let his (or anyone else’s) words define you. Good or bad. You are God’s girl and no one can take that away from you.
I’ve been wondering where the vlogs have been … I sure do hope you decide to bring them back (I couldn’t tell from the ending if they are back on or not). Since I don’t actually get to talk with you, I enjoy hearing your voice through the screen! 🙂 I love you. Matt loves you. Those beautiful kiddos of yours love you. And Jesus loves you. What more do you need??
{BTW, if you even try to trade one of your ovaries, I will have to jump on a plane and hunt you down. How will you guys have more beautiful babies if you give it away? Not good.} loves!
Bianca,
NEVER AGAIN let the enemy take you down from what you are called to do! 🙂 I know, armchair quarterback thing! I probably would have done the same thing! I was called a bigot once, and I did not want to write again, but that is a tactic of the enemy against someone who is making a difference in the kingdom of heaven, which you are.
You do not need to have a seminary degree to carry authority in the Word of God. Christ Jesus gave us the Sword of the Spirit through His precious shed blood- that is all the credentials you need! Continue to wield the sword that God empowered you to, the note from the atheist is proof enough to reinforce your calling to continue!
Ahhh, the internet. So great in so many ways, but also so easy to forget one’s manners and hide behind annonymity. I believe that we are called as Christians to speak when we feel someone is off-base theologically – BUT I also believe we were supposed to do it in a respectful manner full of grace and love. There is a way to disagree without including a personal attack. I’m so sorry that someone felt the need to bash you in that manner. I have found your video and written blogs to be thought provoking and challenging in a good way. And I always got the impression that you were open to listening to others’ reasons for disagreement. I’m curious, was this person specific about what they found theologically wrong and why? Or was it just that comment and a drive-by anger fest?
I will never understand anonymous commenters on blogs and the like. The commenters that feel the need to speak negatively about a person’s theology and believe their viewpoint to be supported by not only avoiding it completely, but by lazily commenting on the person’s appearance. I’m hoping he was never on the debate team.
Thank you for being transparent, Bianca! My little sister and I may or may not speak frequently about wishing we were your best friends.
God’s kingdom is so beautifully diverse. I love your perspective because it is biblical and accessible (for those of us that do not currently possess an MDiv).
Have a great day!
1.) you are one of the most gorgeous women i have ever seen. 2.) we aren’t called to be perfect. we are called to spread the Word. that’s exactly what you are doing, and that is what honors God. so keep at it girlfriend! you don’t need to be seminary taught to speak the Truth! you do it well every single day – something that the rest of us should be doing as well! if you are being persecuted, you are probably doing something right! keep your head held high and keep it up! remember – you won’t be held accountable to that youtube jerk – you will be held accountable to the Almighty God! love this blog!
As I was reading this post I was mad (I wanted to slap that person in the face, then realized that’s not what God wants from me); then it made me happy again because I’ve missed your friday vlogs.
I am a firm believer that a person doesn’t have to attend bible school to teach it. For many, many years I wanted desperately to attend bible school and learn how to study the bible (because I thought there was a “certain” way to do so, if not God wouldn’t speak to me), until I started going to a discipleship group and I started digging on Scripture on my own and God started speaking to me 🙂 then I stopped wanting to get a diploma.
I’m not trying to make less of people who actually get to attend bible school, I’m sure is a great blessing! What I’m trying to say is that
B, you are truly a blessing to my life and I’m sure I’m not alone in this feeling. You have encouraged me to push further in studying God’s word and becoming the woman He wants me to be. You vision, your love and your passion for teaching God’s word is inspiring and encouraging!! THANK YOU! xoxo!
This is such great news! I loved your vlogs. My sister doesn’t like to really read blogs, but she will watch the videos, so I am looking forward to what you will share with us!
oh yea, and anyone who would be so hateful and call you the names he did, DOES NOT have the Word of God in him, and has no business calling anyone a heretic.
girlfriend, please NEVER STOP DOING THE MINISTRY YOU WERE CALLED TO DO. I can’t tell you how much you’ve inspired me in these last few months since I’ve discovered your blog. As a woman currently working in full-time ministry myself (and teaching as well) here at Calvary Chapel of Oxnard, seeing you do your thang for Jesus has GREATLY encouraged me. Please, never stop. Don’t let the enemy get you down because GOD IS USING YOU. What He calls us to do, He equips us to do. And this ministry isn’t our anyway–it’s the LORD’s. “But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” (2 Cor. 12:9)
I don’t usually post comments, but I needed to today. 🙂 Love you, Bianca Olthoff.
They hated Christ first…
We’ll all be hated on for living out our faith and told we’re hypocrites, freaks, heretics, lunatics….some will even be beaten, killed maybe. They hate us because we’re Jesus to them.
But wont it be wonderful to see some of those people in Heaven? Paul destroyed many of God’s chosen people because of who they were and what they professed. But from that destruction came one of the most famous testimonies of God’s mercy and love.
We truly have a good God.
Bianca,
Regardless of what the person said to insult you, you still planted a seed. He will never be the same due to God using you as a way to get to him! And Galatians 1:10 tells us, ” Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”. You were made to shine. You were given a gift of wisdom, and we are not here to please others! Keep shining, girl! Live to love 🙂
I loved your vlogs. Your words of wisdom and inspiration made me watch them every week. Don’t stop. You’re amazing. 🙂
Hey Bianca! First off I want to say I have enjoyed watching your videos and reading your blog, I actually just happened upon it today and kept having to remind myself that you are not your sister as I am a photographer who has followed her a little and didn’t know she had a twin sister!
Second I am sad to see the damage that the comment has done but happy to see you are healing back up from it 🙂 Regarding their comments though(and your desire for divinity training) we all preach a form of heresy in the sense that at times we teach or adhere to something that the Bible contradicts even though we dont know it… So although yes there are things that you are not completely sound in regarding theology it is not like you are purposely doing it after finding out it is wrong. We all grow so just keep pressing into Jesus and let Him guide you to the truth.
But regarding your desire for seminary training… I would encourage you not to worry about that. Did Jesus go to Christian seminary? No. Paul? No, he spent 10-15 years praying in the Holy Ghost getting revelation from the Holy Ghost through that prayer. Same goes for pretty much every other person who penned the Bible. Instead of seminary training try just spending as much time with the Holy Ghost as possible praying in the spirit and in His presence, then bounce what you hear Him say off scripture and other sound leaders to see how it lines up with scripture 🙂 That way you don’t have to trade an ovary or any other body part to get strong in your doctrine 😀
But if you are interested in getting Bible training and dont want to have to pay check out Dr. Jim Martin at Grace ministries Bible College http://www.gmbiblecollege.org/index.html
it is a free college but it is FAR better at getting trained in ministry then most seminaries out there(I have talked to graduates of some of the top seminaries in the USA and Jim’s knowledge of the word and God’s heart surpasses them by leaps and bounds)
He will also be able to answer your “Women in ministry” question you had posted in great detail(yes women can teach, he will explain why and why people who use the verses in Timothy and other books to oppose women teachers) I can’t say enough about how amazing a Bible teacher he is, the detail he gets into each topic is far deeper then any teacher/pastor I have heard.
Just make sure to finish any series you start with him as many of them will cause great controversy if one doesn’t go all the way 🙂 I have done some and it can be very humbling when he tears apart false doctrine we have always believed and cause us to choose a churches doctrine or the word of God hahaha.
Anyway I love your heart for Jesus and encourage you to keep on keeping on, preaching the word as best as you can and loving as Jesus loves(in every situation as WWJD? be it for a sick person, discouraged person, etc. He doesn’t change!) You have a powerful calling on your life even if you haven’t found it fully yet, but just keep running the race and you will finish with honor!
God bless,
Steveo
Steveo, you are TOO sweet. Thanks for your wonderful. 🙂 Thanks for the recommendation!
Dear Bianca
Don’t listen to that crap.You are my personal doctor who are leading me back to the surgeon called Jesus:)Every message you speak, or word you utter is healing to my heart and soul.I mean it and take it from a former holy “Christian”&Agonstic at times!And if all Christians were like you,I would so attend church!
I’d rather be influenced by a “heretic” like you, rather than some holy,stupid two faced Christians!
Since I discovered your blog I have been nailed before my PC and read eagerly what you write and also have been listening you on you tube:)
You are so, so good.Have no words to describe how good you are!
I desperately wish I could meet you in person one day.
Love and Hugs
Herta
Hahahhaahaha! One day we will, my friend. Thanks for the love!