We knew we wanted a special element to the ceremony; something to include the kids and solidify our marriage not as two becoming one, but as four becoming a family.

In theory, it was holy and right and intentionally inclusive. In reality, it was a disaster.

Set in the middle of our wedding service was our first act of holy communion. I picked the song, had elements set on a light green vintage plate, and used a heart-shaped water cracker as His body broken for us next to a cup of grape juice. We discussed multiple times with Parker and Ryen that we’d all go up to the small table, pray together, and partake of communion as our first act as a family.

The ceremony was flawless until I heard a whimper, then a whining cry break through the air. Matt called the kids to join us after our wedding charges had been exchanged and they apprehensively approached us, Ryen nervous, Parker crying. We were all suppose to pray, but Ryen had no clue what was going on and Parker kept his runny nose and moist face buried in Matt’s charcoal grey suit, refusing to take a bite of my heart-shaped water cracker.

Instead of feeling like the kids were not making this the happiest day of my life, I felt an empathetic wave of sympathy for them. He was their dad before he was my boyfriend. He was their Papa before he was my husband. He was their protector before he was mine. And now everything was changing. On the stage during our ceremony Parker wept loudly and Ryen clung to my wedding dress while Matt prayed, then broke the heart-shaped water cracker and shared it with me.

This was the beginning of our life as a family. Two crying kids, friends watching, and the promise to be a family.

A year later, Matt and I sat on the floor of a log chapel at Forrest Home family camp with the same kids who a year prior were scared, confused, and unsure of the changes taking place. Yesterday, as Matt brought communion elements to where we were seated, I had a flash of remembering our wedding ceremony and the trial it was simply to act like a family. Matt passed out water crackers and small glasses of grape juice as the four of us sat in a circle and prayed the prayer that was holy and right and inclusive.

It wasn’t perfect, but it was us.* Four becoming one. For life.

It was a second shot at a first holy communion. And we survived. Without tears.

*[Ryen let out a big EWWWWW when Matt explained the juice represented the blood Jesus shed on the cross and Parker kept asking the difference between Jesus and God.]