I’m banning workout clothes from my everyday life due to a heinous crime of odorous proportions.
I went to the gym early in the morning, returned home, showered, and put a new pair of gym clothes on because I work from home on Fridays. Why stretch pants? Well, because I wear workout clothes like a uniform. Nurses have scrubs, artists have smocks, and I have stretch pants.
Oh, you need me to sit at a desk and type? Good thing I have my stretch pants on! You need me to run an errand? Good thing I have my stretch pants on! I’m suppose to look moderately healthy and like I care about physical activity? Good thing I have my stretch pants on!
See? Stretch pants are my thing!
At the end of my work day I had to run to the market to pick up some items for dinner [Good thing I had my stretch pants on!]. I found the aisle I was looking for and pushed my rickety metal cart down the aisle when I was assaulted by the worst body odor imaginable. Think junior high boys… after PE… in the summer… on a bus… with no windows. It. Was. That. Bad.
There were only two people in the aisle besides me. One was an Orange County mom and her perfectly coiffed daughter. The other was a business woman stacking cans her her basket. Option 1: I could make an ugly face and point fingers at who I thought smelled, or 2. I could pretend I didn’t smell anything, get my food, and leave. Option 2 was what I chose. Until…
The OC mom and the mini-me version of herself looked at ME [in my workout clothes] and made a vomit inducing face like I WAS THE ONE WHO SMELLED?!
I really wanted the ground to open up and swallow me whole because body odor is like one of the seven deadly sins to me. No, really, ask Matt. I’m constantly smelling the house, his head, and the pillows to make sure it smells like Febreze or some synthetic Hawaiian beach breeze. Couple this horror with the fact that my married initials are B.O., I’m extra sensitive to body odor.
The mom and daughter duo rounded the corner and shook their heads in disbelief. The mom uttered, Wow! Someone needs to take a shower. I wanted to say, It’s not me. I promise! I know it looks like I’m coming from the gym, but this—this right here—is my uniform! I promise!
But I’m a thirty year old grown woman who isn’t going to yell in the Ralph’s supermarket. So, what did my mature 30ish self do? I made it a point to find her and her daughter and prove them wrong. Yup, I stalked each aisle until I found the SweetSmellingSniffers in the baking aisle. [Of course their in the baking aisle! They can eat whatever they want and STILL not have their thighs touch!]
It's storytime with B!
I breeze down the aisle quickly then stop at the end like I was looking for the perrrrfect Betty Crocker cake I’ll never eat. Then I hmmph! like I couldn’t find it and brush past them again quickly so my clean, unscented self would let them know, Hey, look at me! I don’t smell! See! It was the other lady!
This? This right here? This is my life and why I’m banning workout clothes when I go to the market or anywhere in public. So whether or not you’ve been the false victim in a heinous odorous crime or not, I know I’m not the only one who’s stooped to stupidity to prove a point.
It’s true. Don’t leave me hanging.
All of your stories and tweets make much more sense when I remember you live in Irvine. Good thing you were in Ralph's. Had it been Gelson's, they might have had someone come ask you to leave 😉
OMG! Totally! There's a Gelson's across the street from Ralph's and I REFUSE to go in. You TOTALLY get me.
Oh dear, you post this up on the ONE and only morning I go to Fresh and Easy in workout clothes. I simply didn’t feel like putting jeans on or something cute, I have to work later and well, jammies are just a no no when going to the market. Thanks for the tips kid!
Also, if I could record my laughter on this thing, I so would have.
I can hear your laughter in my head, E. Remember those college night with Petey Kim? I can TOTALLY hear you!
Ah the days!
I had to share this with my hubby to PROVE I was not the only person in the world with a strong sense of smell. And to make you feel better, I would of done the same thing (stalk shoppers to prove a point).
Now don’t worry, you’ll never see those people again and if you do, they probably wont recognize you.
Guess I'm the only one so far, but I totally understand your love of stretch pants. They are undeniably comfy and somehow are pretty flattering too. My husband loves when I wear them around the house, though I think he'd start asking questions if I wore them to go to dinner or church. 🙂 As somebody who also works from home, I am completely on board with your uniform choice!
HILARIOUS!!!
Bianca I love you! You are always so honest and the way you write it captures one! I felt like I was right there with you pushing your cart looking for the perfect Betty Crocker cake, and to prove a point! I do this all the time, but deny it most of the time, LOL. I just truly love your rawness and confession. I am so with you, but asking God to help me not let what others think because I know that God loves me and I have Freedom because of him. Blessing always.
Hilarious…and I would have done the same thing!!!
SO THATS THE REASON why people stay away from me when I go run errands in my Gym clothes..hummmm….I'll have to remember that trick when I want Starbucks of Coffeebean after a work out, I'll get to the front of the line faster and get my coffee faster all this verses searching for a drive through! (AND I go to the gym in Irvine..such funnyness!)
Thanks for sharing…lol! love ya!
East LA vs Irvine..those gals don't stand a chance! Go get'em B! go get'em! lol..jkjk
You are so funny!
Umm… You're 31.
Love you
This story made me laugh out loud! I HATE situations like that 🙂 I totally would have done the same thing. There would have been no getting out of there until I proved that "it wasn't me!!!"…LOL
Thanks for sharing!
Oh? What’s the meaning?