On your bedroom wall, there is a 5×7 foot poster of the entire N*Sync crew. It’s framed. Justin Timberlake grins out from behind his blonde, curly man bang at you, seeming to say, “Hey girl. It’s been a while. You look different.” All manner of plush fluffy stuffed things crowd the space at the foot of your bed. You remember that you used to sleep curled up in a ball, so you wouldn’t mess them up. You were also shorter then.

Maybe you’ve just grown, but there seems to be less space now than there was before. You jostle around your mom’s StairMaster 2000, which is gathering dust where your desk used to be, so you can get to your closet, but nothing on the hangers is something you would wear anymore anyway.

There you are, a twentysomething post-grad, standing in the center of your childhood bedroom where you’ve moved back after four incredible, crazy, and completed college years, surrounded again by all the remnants of your former self, and all you can think is: a) Thank God Justin Timberlake grew out the blonde man bang and b) What am I getting myself into?

I understand. I’ve been there. This past weekend I spoke with two 20Somethings who are facing the difficult choice that 53% of all college grads have made: to move back home or not move back home. For many it’s not an option, so if you’re battling this or know someone who is, here are some point to help navigate the labyrinth of moving back in with your parents. Step one? Take down the N*Sync poster and say, Bye, Bye, Bye as you toss that junk in the trash.

It’s important to address this shift because a recent CNN article highlights the 39% those between the ages of 18-35 who have moved back home. The economy, rising housing costs, and low-employment have forced many to pack up and move [back]. Having lived at home during graduate school and after, I know the woes of wanting independence without the cost of rent.

This is an opportunity for the Church to meet a large need in the next generation. Based on the conversations I randomly had this weekend, here are a few points to for us to be part of the solution for the problem facing the next gen.

• Listening Ear
• Can I Get Some Respect
• Family Ties
• Broke As A Joke
• Attitude of Gratitude
• This Too Shall Pass

Listening Ear. Sometimes the best way to support someone going through a quarter-life crisis is simply to care. If you have your own place and fully independent, it’s easy to brush off the embarrassment and shame that comes with having to tell your friends that your college graduation gift is returning to your twin-sized bed. Empathy [not over emotive sympathy] can support and encourage our friends in this season of life.

Can I Get Some Respect? I’m pretty sure my Rodney Dangerfield quote went over a few heads, but it was worth a shot. I remember vividly the moment I realized that my 25 years of existence and learned self-sufficiency was moot around my mother who emerged at my permaMom when I moved back home.

Parents mean well, but their well-meaning may get lost in the delivery. Brian* is a recent graduate  living with his mom periodically after graduating from school. “If I said I was going to be awake by 7:20 a.m., I could expect my mom to be knocking on my door at 7:19 a.m. I appreciated the sentiment and knew that she just didn’t want me to be late for anything, but at the same time, an alarm clock was enough to keep me from running late for four years— and an alarm clock alone still did the trick.”

Here’s my helpful hint: Ask your parents for a grace period of one week to prove to them you can handle yourself independently. It may feel childish—kind of like when you wanted to prove maturity to your parents by keeping your Tamagotchi alive longer than a week—but a trial period of a week free of parental pestering, nagging, and “friendly reminders” will prove you’re capable of managing your own daily routine without two personal assistants.

Family Ties. You love your family. We know. They are the absolute best and you wouldn’t trade them even for the chance to sit front row at every Marc Jacobs runway show for the rest of time [which is arguably the next most important thing after family]. But, for the love of all things holy, if you have to attend one more holiday show for your mom’s cousin’s daughter’s elementary school or whatever, you may run away to the circus.

Your parents aren’t trying to be demanding of your time. They’re just trying to be inclusive. Trust me. You’ve come home to stay with them, and they want to make sure you feel like you fit right back into the mix. On top of that, they’re proud of you. You’re their successful college-educated child and they’re probably going to want to parade you a bit in front of the extended family. [As a first generation American and college-grad in my family, I might have well worn a sash and crown for two weeks after graduation.]

That being said, where your time is concerned, there is a balance to be struck. Just because you’ve come home to live with your parents doesn’t mean that your schedules are now one and the same—as in, just because dad has invited to MMA night with the guys doesn’t mean you should have to feign an interest in it out of filial duty.

Broke as a joke. After college I was as broke as a 80s has-been. And I wasn’t alone. Recent reports state the average amount of college debt is roughly $30,000?! It is a rare breed of post-grads who emerge totally debt-free from four years of tuition, rent, grocery bills, spontaneous spring break trips, and a generous serving of nights out.

Debby Fowles, author of The Everything Personal Finance in Your 20s and 30s Book, reminds college grads that their stint back home coincides with the repayment of any loans taken out to pay for tuition. “The day after you graduate, your six-month grace period begins (some types of loans have different grace periods). Your first loan payment will be due approximately 30 to 45 days after the end of your grace period.” With this in mind, it’s more important than ever to have your financial situation in order to prepare for the road ahead to student debt freedom.

At the heart of it, you’re at home, at least to some extent, to save money. Be wise. Save and pay off debt. Or be like yours truly and buy a BMW convertible and live a life beyond your means, regretting every dollar of premium gas you pour into the tank of oblivion.

Attitude of Gratitude. It used to be that you loved having people over at your place. Your mom would be all “cool mom” à la Mrs. George from Mean Girls and pop her head into the rec room periodically to be like, “You girls want some fresh-baked cookies? Party mix? Pop? Delivery pizza? Tell me how many. Are any of you vegetarian? Should I ask for no pepperoni?”

Now that you’re back at home, you want to be able to mingle with your friends without feeling like your parents are going to bust in on you at any moment and be all, “Okay guys. Fun’s over. It’s a school night. Everybody get on home.” Or perhaps more confusingly now that you’re older, “What’cha guys talking about? Can I join?”

Wherever your paternal roommates land of the spectrum of oddities, always be grateful. I don’t want to Jesus Juke anyone, but we are called to honor and respect our parents regardless of age. Now that we’re over the legal age of guardianship, parents are not responsible for taking care of you. If they opt to help  you out, show them some love. Gratitude calibrates the heart of both parties. Like we learned in Sunday School: Have an attitude of gratitude! 🙂

But the most important thing I can pass on to my wee little Jedi warriors is, This too shall pass. In the thick of life change, it’s hard to see the end. But standing at the other end [ya know, having to pay rent for ultimate privacy and not being reminded to grab a coat when I depart my parental unit], I can assure you that you will look back at your parents with thankfulness and appreciation.

It may seem like the simplest thing in the world to cross the threshold of your old front door and step back into the familiar place you’ve grown up in and returned to periodically over your undergraduate career, but not only have you changed a lot in four years, home will have changed a little in your absence, too.

In the midst of change, please focus on flourishing. This time can quite possibly be the space to discover who you want to be without the pressure of keeping the lights on.

Don’t stub your toe on your mom’s StairMaster 2000! 😉